Nanny Drama - WWYD?
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Anonymous
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So the nanny finally acquiesced today to take my dd1 to the park to her playgroup. Of course, she insisted on walking rather than taking my car (long story - whole nother post). Anyway, on the way home they passed a free pile in a garage sale and saw a kids' bike. My dd, who is three, has a trike and her father and I had no plans to get her a bike in the next year or so. She is not ready developmentally for a bike, even a small one with training wheels. Not to mention the fact that, 1. we know nothing about this particular bike, its history, its safety, etc., 2. I know nothing about the brands of bikes, which is safest, who uses lead paint, etc., and 3. A first bike, IMO, is a parent's prerogative, NOT something a nanny gets to do.
So, I explained all of this to the nanny, and she said she had told dd1 that if it was not ok, she would be taking the bike away. I explained that this cast me as the bad guy, as I was the one saying it was not ok. She became defensive, and said I didn't need to "beat it into her," that she wouldn't drag anything more home ever again because she obviously didn't have good judgment (her words not mine, not that I disagree), that there was nothing more that she could do, I couldn't change the past, yada yada yada, and that she would take the blame for taking the bike away. Well, yeah, but what I don't think she realized is that she has a way of framing nearly every issue so that she doesn't actually take the blame, and I suspect that this will be no different. This is not the first time there has been an issue like this, BTW, but it is the first time I have made an issue of it. She has given the baby citrus without asking first, she routinely moves the furniture around, reorganizes toys, puts knives/dishes in different places, etc. Just stuff that I don't appreciate because I am sort of anal, and because I think it is overstepping the bounds of an employee/employer relationship. She also brings the kids stuff frequently that I don't like/don't approve of, but it has been little things, and usually I just keep my mouth shut or, if it is something big, I tell her we don't have room and suggest it just visit our house when she is here, which has been fine with her. So, and I know this is getting really long (sorry), but the bottom line now is that, assuming this issue spins out the way I foresee, and DH and I end up being the ones taking the blame for the bike leaving the premises tonight, I am not sure what to do with her. On the one hand, my kids love her and they are safe with her - she is very patient, very gentle, and on the whole very loving, at least to my kids. Unfortunately she seems to feel the need to show her love with stuff, which I can understand, but is something we are trying to discourage. On the other hand, there are a whole host of little issues that are bugging the crap out of me with her. I would very much like to make a change, but I also know, realistically, that finding a nanny for the 16 hours a week that I need one will be a challenge, and she is likely the cream of the crop for what our employment needs are at this time. I feel stuck, and I don't like feeling stuck - my first instinct is to rebel by doing something I may later regret. Sigh. WWYD? |
Anonymous
| The nanny sounds like an unstable teenager. Can you afford someone more mature and professional? I am sorry that you have been putting up with this mess. |
Anonymous
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It's a *bike*
Relax. There are plenty of three year olds riding bikes. Lead paint? Will your child be licking the bike? |
Anonymous
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On the one hand, you actively dislike the nanny. It comes accross in every word you've written here and I am sure it comes accross to the nanny and to your kids. On that front, I'd advise you to find someone new.
On the other hand, it's only 16 hours a week, and you sound VERY particular, so it's hard for me to imagine you not finding yourself back in the position of having a nanny you resent and want to replace. Is your DH also dissatisfied with the quality of her work? How much are you paying? What hours do you need. At some point it comes down to a cost benefit based on how much hostility you feel versus how difficult she will be to replace. The harder it is to find someone new, the harder it will be to find someone willing to do things your way. |
Anonymous
| That's weird. Why would one bring a bike home froma pile of garbage and just give it to a kid without asking the parent first?? Weird. |
Anonymous
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You are anal and rude. The nanny sounds like she was trying to help and is extra affectionate with the kids. She buys gifts because she loves them. Not many ppl would spend money on some else's kids. She is has prob never worked for asshole parents before who don't appreciate her attempt at helping and caring. So fire her and let her a nice family or
1.Tell the nanny to not touch anything in your house, that you have it setup for a certain reason. 2.tell her to never buy the children anything ever. That she can tell you if she thinks they will like something and if you find it appropriate you will get it. 3. Tell your daughter that the child you brought the bike from made a mistake is very sad and wants it back. And you will look into buying a new nice bike when she is older. No one is a bad guy and your the good guy. You don't have to make it about blame, you can use this as a moment to teach empathy. Just so you know there are plenty of 3yr olds who ride bikes. I've even seem some how ride without training wheels. You are paranoid and too much of a control freak to have a nanny. |
Anonymous
| OP, you are trolling on more than one thread today, aren't you? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
I agree with this. good grief. Most MBs complain that their nanny's don't do enough. Here you have one that loves your kids, thinks of them by bringing them stuff, rearranges toys, utensil drawers, etc. Looks like she's taking initiative and helping out without you having to ask. And for that she gets a talking to. And by the way, parents ARE supposed to be the bad guys. It teaches the kids that your word is the final word. end.of.story! I always tell everyone that they can "blame it on me" when the answer is no to my kids. And when the kids complain, I defend it by explaining that I am their mom and what i say goes, period. Others don't get to make those decisions about them. My kids understand. It helps when they are older because they know they have to ask ME instead of someone else. you're ridiculous. |
Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
You're very paranoid and weird. |
Anonymous
| Well, FWIW, while OP might not be a troll, she does sound like a bit of a nut. Just saying. |
Anonymous
+1 Two longish anti-nanny "stories" posted today. This and "Do I have the right to know?" are very similar. |
Anonymous
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you do sound very particular (as you admit). I have no idea where the issue w/ citrus comes in unless there are allergies in your family to this? You do not like this person for it seems a number of reasons. She is not working out for your family. Because she's not a good fit, you should try to find someone else who is. given the low hours perhaps a grad student?
re: the bike - if you haven't acted already, just let your DC "play" with it for a bit, then store it up by saying it's a summer thing. I would be shocked if your kid remembers it by the time it's warm out. Mine wouldn't have at least at 3 (so long as she did not see it). |
Anonymous
I wish the admin could tell you paranoid trolls that the IP's don't match. I personally don't care what you random online users believe I just think it's amusing because you're ALWAYS wrong. |