The kids have a meltdown as soon as the mom comes home
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Anonymous
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I'm curious to know if this happens with anyone else, and how to handle it.
I work with 2 boys, 8 and 12. They are definitely a handful, but over the past year I've learned how to handle them and we get along quite well. I'm able to diffuse arguments with them easily, and when the younger one has a meltdown, I'm able to solve problems easily and I never have to raise my voice or get angry. I have great rapport with the boys and I'm really happy with the way we communicate. HOWEVER... frequently, whenever the mother comes home, the younger one's mood takes an abrupt turn. He'll be agreeable and doing what he's supposed to, but when his mother steps in he starts challenging everyone, whining, having temper tantrums, etc. My usual reasoning no longer works with him. I suspect that he's either trying to get his mother's attention, or something else. Does anyone know why kids might do this and how to handle it? If this is what the mom sees when she walks in, I don't want her to think that I don't have control over these situations - I ALWAYS do except for when she's home. Is this just a normal thing kids do? Any suggestions? |
Anonymous
| Yes, it is normal. The kids have missed mom all day. Let mom take over when she gets home. |
Anonymous
OP here. Okay, that's what I've been doing. When a parent steps in, I take a back seat since they are the primary authority figure. I just didn't want it to look like I didn't have control of the kids. |
Anonymous
| Not every parent wants to be their child's authority figure. Sometimes the nanny needs to help the parents understand the unintended consequences of such behavior. |
Anonymous
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Totally normal! The kids I nanny for are completely different children around their parents, mom especially. It's actually quite frustrating, but I have given up keeping "control" or the usual consequences when Mom's around....
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Anonymous
| Every time I come home it seems like my kids fall apart. Nanny tells me, and I believe her, they are much better when we are not there. But for us it tends to be a temporary break. Sort of a "hey, pay attention" moment, and less likely if I jump right into immediate interaction. Which can be tough. |
Anonymous
| Under these circumstances it's usually better for nanny to make a quick exit, and not try to "talk about the day". Mom and nanny can talk on the phone after the children's bedtime, or email. Mom should focus on the children's needs after a long day of separation. |
Anonymous
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Yes it's normal and i'm sure MB knows. Kids at that age can be huge manipulators and they challange their parents because they know they can. They do it for different reasons but one of the most popular reason is attention... the mom hasn't been around all day and when the mom comes home the tot wants her undivided attention and when the mom is talking to you or one of the other kids or getting into her evening clothes, etc the toddler will become antsy.
Another reason is to get away with things. They whine because they know their mom will give in. But I don't think thats whats going on. |