"Mourning" period

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you are all familiar with the sort of "mourning" period we sometimes experience after moving on from a family that you may have been particularly close to. What sorts of things help you move on? I am heartbroken after leaving my most recent position. My charge and I had a very special bond and I put off giving my notice for so long because it broke my heart to leave..however there were many, many aspects of the job that were unfair and my MB and I did not see eye to eye on many things. I finally decided to do what was best for me and leave...but I am going through some serious depression. Can anyone relate or give any advice?

[Anonymous]

I am actually experiencing a lot of the same fears right now..I have not left my current position but have been considering it due to many factors...I've been here since my charge was born, so he is extremely special to me and I am sad to think about leaving. I can't really offer any advice since I am struggling with it myself but I can say you're not alone.

[Anonymous]

It gets better but will always smart a little. As more time passes and as you gain the clarity only the passing of time can provide, you'll start to understand the negative way the bad fit affected your personality. Friends will comment that you're starting to be yourself again and you'll start to FEEL like yourself again and then you will see just how life that mb sucked out of you. And you will start to feel relief that you're away from that and able to forge a better relationship with a new family.

I used to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships but after my bad mb relationship, I realized they stay for the children they love and for the income stability. Sad but true. It was an eye opening experience for me. I had a horrible time leaving a particular family, put up with a lot of bs, and stayed at least a year longer than i should have. Things did not end well but now i work for families who are very nice and very respectful and it's like night and day.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm going through it right now. I was a nanny to twin infants for 6 months, but I was forced to quit due to the WAHM who was constantly nagging and micromanaging my entire shift. It didn't end well but I miss the girls so much .

It is what it is. It was a job and on to the next. You gotta think about it like that, as sad it is. The connection with the kids is NOT enough to make you stay at a job you're unhappy with.

Is the family upset with you? Angry? Did they understand? Is there anyway you can ask to visit, take your charge out for ice cream, etc? I know some families are okay with that. You can be honest with your feelings and hope the family is okay with it. If not, then you'll just have to put your energy on your future charges/job and think of your previous charge as a precious memory.

[Anonymous]

01:55 here.also want to add that "good fences make good neighbors." This applies to physical fences but also to emotional fences. You need to always remember you're not family and will not always be their caregiver. Don't let yourself get toooo attached....keep a bit of a fence there so to speak.

[Anonymous]

We all mourn for different reasons whether it's from a divorce, friendship, deceased loved one, etc. Regardless or whether it's a former charge or someone else, just remember that it will take time and that things happen for a reason. Just think of the good times/memories and know that you made a huge impact in your charges life.

Also know that your charge is mourning you as well and depending on his/her age, will continue to love/remember you. (I say depending on age because a child under 2 years typically forgets after a few months. Nothing wrong with that but just clarifying.)

Hopefully your MB will realize just how much her child misses and cares for you, and will attempt to contact you so you can visit him/her occasionally.

Goodluck. It gets better, I promise!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your insight..very helpful. To answer your questions the family is not angry with me. It ended on a good note and we were able to sit down and talk about my concerns...they tried to get me to stay but unfortunately I think I had been unhappy for too long that the issues I had were ones that I knew would not be fixed. They would be fine with me staying in touch however I think that may make things harder in the end. It's hard to think about a new nanny in the picture.

[Anonymous]

I just went thru this myself a few months ago. I was the family's first nanny, from 8weeks to 1.5 yrs and I missed the kids like crazy. It almost felt like a divorce, the ache and pain was that real. I left on good terms and would cry thinking about a new nanny loving them. There weren't any serious issues with the family and MB was phenomenal, I just had an opportunity to become an elite nanny, with elite pay. Anyway, I found that doing occasional evening sitting helped immensely. Instead of the day to day grind, I'm more like a fun auntie and the kids (3) just go beserk when I walk in the door. The other thing I did was pour my sadness into my new little charge and just love and spoil him to pieces (time and love, not money).
It gets easier OP, but only with time.

[Anonymous]

After my first nanny job - I had a bad morning period. I was younger and with the family for 6 years. I was there when the youngest was born and with the parents work schedule - I was a live in. I did everything home, appts, cooking, bills, etc. parents sometimes were gone for months working.
Once they sold their business and wanted to be home with the kids we transitioned and that was hard. Very hard. I tried new part time jobs during off hours. It didn't help. I was close to just changing it all and not nanning any more. I found out in this time period that I couldn't have children and that pushed me over the edge. I stopped nanning for about 5 years before coming back to it and realizing it was what I loved.
I still very very close with my first nanny family and see them on the weekends. The older ones are starting college and youngest is preteen. The parents know we all will be "family" forever and say they couldn't have done it with out me.
It's so tough, realize your feelings but also know it gets better and think of the good things.