mb's bff

[Anonymous]

Mb's best friend (lets call her Z) just build a new home with her family in my nanny family's community. Z instantly thinks we should hang out during my working hrs on the regular and coordinate play dates and outings many times a month. Z is a very nice lady but I'm not comfortable with being around her constantly, shes my boss's best friend, not mine. I think if she wants playdates, she should plan them with Mb. She wants to chat and share crafting ideas and I don't have time for that, my time is for my charges not her. Idk how to tell her no without seeming mean. I'm not sure if I'd upset Mb if I talked to her. This lady is putting me in an awkward situation.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for my typos!

[Anonymous]

Do you otherwise do playdates, but don't want to do them with this woman? How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Does she have children of the same ages as your charges?

[Anonymous]

Yeah are all the kids similar in age? I have play dates with my MB's friend once a week. I can only take her in small doses...she is dramatic, likes to gossip, and kind of obnoxious. She constantly pries about my job, trying to get any info to run to my MB about. (I'm not stupid, my MB is awesome and if I really needed to vent it wouldn't be to this lady.) Anyway, my point is, she sucks and I still have the play dates because it's good for my charge. He has fun with the other little boy and it's good for him to be around kids his age. I suggest you suck it up and stop being so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Her daughter is one and my charges are three and four, I'm hardly selfish - thanks. The age range is drastic and my charges have no interest in her child rather than getting upset when the baby takes their toys. I'm constantly fixing tears while shes wanting to chat and hang, if I were selfish, I'd hang and notcare about my charges ans her child.

I don't want to get close with her and hate feeling as if I'm walking on eggshells when it comes to chatting with her, who knows what she'd repeat to my bosses. I do know for a fact shes told them things I've only told her- their tiny things that are insignificant but still.

[Anonymous]

They're * sorry for the typos again...typing on a hurry.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bring it up to MB. Just make yourself busy. Plan outings for every day of the week. If she asks when she can come over, just say, "Oh, now that the holidays are over, we are back into the swing of things--busy every day! But you can meet us at X park on Friday between 10-12, or at Y museum on Tuesday from 10-11. Maybe we'll see you there!"

That way, you aren't trapped in the house with her, and you don't have to engage as much because your charges will need actual supervision. With my charges, we are out every morning and afternoons we run errands, fold laundry, wash dishes, make dinner, do baths, etc. If you are similar, then afternoons are booked with chores, and mornings are out. She can join you for a fun, age-appropriate (for your charges at least) activity once a week or so just to keep a connection between the kids, but it doesn't have to be a bonding experience for you.

[Anonymous]

That's hard.

Maybe you can have a gentle conversation w/ MB about how it's great that her BFF is in the neighborhood but you've noticed that the difference in age range is kind of tough for her kids (crying, boredom, etc...) and then have ready a couple of ideas of things you'd like to do w/ them that don't involve the bff but are things that MB would love to see her kids doing (that you wouldn't mind doing)?

PP's idea of suggesting "meet us at the park" or whatever seems like a good one also. Offering things that are age appropriate for your charges might not be as enticing for someone w/ a 1yr old.

Good luck! Sounds kind of tough to manage. But I would think the MB would want her kids stimulated, active, engaged, etc... and that's what she's paying you for, so maybe if you frame it as what's best for them it can serve your purposes also without having to confront it more directly.