New Employers didn't inform me about DD special needs

[Anonymous]

I started a FT nanny job two weeks ago for a family with three boys. The eldest boy is in 4th grade and I take him to school, pick him up, and spend most of the evening with him. He had been very distant with me, and I assumed it was because I'm new. Generally he is a very quiet and serious boy, very smart but quick to anger. I discovered that he is diagnosed with Aspergers after I had to pick him up after an incident at school (nothing serious). His teacher mentioned it in passing, and I was bewildered because MB/MD never said a word. I thought maybe their was a miscommunication, so I asked MB and she was visibly uncomfortable and said it was a "private family thing". I'll ignore the fact that this shames her son into feeling broken or not-worthy, but I feel like I should have been told. If I'm going to be his. Are giver I need to know everything (or almost everything) about the child. I really wish she would have told me from the start, maybe she was afraid I wouldn't take the job? I would have, no doubt. I just would have handled many situations with him differently. It makes me wonder what else they aren't telling me that I may need to know.

[Anonymous]

She should have told you. What I would do now is read up on aspergers as much as you can so you can understand and relate to him in a positive way.
You would think she would want you to know so that you would have better communication with him.

I had a similar situation. I went to babysit twice a week for a family with a 5yo boy. The Mom told me he was a "young" 5. After 2 evenings of having this child I knew there was more to it than that. he was all over the place and had no impulse control whatsover.
When I asked the Mom about it she admitted he had adhd and anxiety but she didnt like him labeled. I understand the labeling part but at the same time, once I knew he had adhd he became easier to deal with for me because I changed my expectations.

[Anonymous]

No excuse. I would leave.

[Anonymous]

You're right; she should have told you about his diagnosis. There is nothing you can do about that at this point, but now that you know there are things you should do moving forward.

I would sit down with your employers and explain to them that while you respect their decision to keep their son's diagnosis a private matter you are his nanny and want to make sure you are providing him with what he needs. In order to be the responsive, caring nanny you want to be you need to be aware of anything that might impact your interactions with the children...including the Asperger's diagnosis. Once you've explained this I would ask them for insight into his preferences and challenges. I would also ask them for insight on effective ways to work with him based on what they have learned by being his parents as well as any strategies recommended by any therapists/support personnel he might be working with.

I work with a child who has special needs. His challenges didn't become apparent to anyone until almost a year after I began working with the family, and 3 years in we are still learning more about his delays. I can't imagine MB not sharing this information with me or anyone else who works with this child (preschool teachers, etc...) MB has even made it know to all of his therapists that I am to be treated on the same level as her and DB as far as communicating information about him and his therapy sessions. I even participate in one of his weekly therapy sessions. I can't imagine not being kept in the loop regarding a major component of the child I am caring for.

It's very possible your employers still haven't come to terms with their son's diagnosis which could explain why they didn't share the information. In any case your job at this point is to support them and ask them for their suggestions on best practices for their son. Hopefully by showing your support and willingness to learn and provide their son with what he needs they will begin to see the benefits of open communication.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they just didn't want to pay you more for having to watch a SN kid and was hoping you wouldn't find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No excuse. I would leave.

I had something simular happen to me. Clearly the boy had some type of mental issues, every day he would try to attack his baby sister. One morning I arrived and he was in time out for pushing his sister down the stairs. The mom was always bad mouthing the nannies at the park and kept asking me do any of them talk bad about her. No one would talk to me with the little boy around, he was in school one day and finally a nanny came to chat with me asking me how was everything going. I told her I wasn"t happy working with this family she informed me I was the 15th nanny they had hired in such a short period of time. Every nanny agreed My nerves were shot, the last straw was another morning I arrived to work the boy had bitten her in the face his whole top and lower teeth prints covered her face. I quit 4 months later.

[Anonymous]

Why wait four months? He was dangerous and that is a valid reason for quitting.