Kids prefer me over grandma

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny to a 2 and 5-year-old. I've been with the family since the youngest was born. I'm very close to the kids and family. MB is expecting baby number 3 and has had much complications and is in the hospital, probably till the babies birth. So grandma flew down and together we are taking care of the kids, (with DB of course). Now, the kids love their grandma of course but I'm with them all the time so if they get hurt they run to me, want me to tuck them in at night ect... This absolutely destroys their grandmother. I feel really bad, and I try to get the kids to warm up a bit. She often says things like "Don't you love Grammy?", which I know pisses DB off. She also has been trying to get MB and DB to cut my hours "Oh, I can handle it", I know she just wants to feel closer to her grand kids, and I understand it must be hard to see your grandbabies love a stranger but it's gotten to the point she's a bit sour to me. How do I make sure she gets her fair share with the kids, allow bonding without her ruling the roost?

[Anonymous]

Can you encourage 1:1 outings for grandma and one of her grandchildren or is she not very mobile? Could you take one of the kids out somewhere while she stays home with the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you encourage 1:1 outings for grandma and one of her grandchildren or is she not very mobile? Could you take one of the kids out somewhere while she stays home with the other?

She can drive but DB does. It want her to drive the kids around. She takes them to the park sometimes, but gets tired easily. I think an outing would be great. Maybe drive them to the mall, and I walk around and shop and she can spend time with them, but I'll be there if need be?

[Anonymous]

I agree with encouraging one-on-one time with grandma.

The other thing to keep in mind is that the kids are going through a major change in their life. Not only will they be getting a new sibling their mom is now in the hospital for the foreseeable future. Right now they are trying to cling to everything familiar because of the disruptions to their normal routine. You are familiar with regards to the daily routine. Grandma, while familiar, is not a normal part of their routine. Right now the kids need to maintain a sense of stability to help them deal with the changes.

I don't know what you've been doing so far with involving grandma in the daily routine but here are some things that you could do if you aren't already...

1. If the kids want you to tuck them in perhaps grandma can read bedtime stories beforehand.

2. If grandma is helping prepare meals use this as one-on-one time. One of the kids gets to be "Grandma's special kitchen helper" while you spend some time with the other one.

3. If you need to run any errands ask grandma if she's willing to stay with the kids while you go. She'll obviously say yes, but this way makes it seem like she is helping you out and gives her a purpose for that period of time.

4. Do grandma and the kids enjoy crafts? If so pick up a few special crafts that are special grandma crafts that the kids do with her.

If you find little ways to involve her each day and make her feel like she gets to do special things with the kids it might make things easier. If nothing else just keep telling yourself that this is only temporary and shortly after the baby is born things will return to normal...or at least grandma will fly back home and the rest of you will be finding a new normal.

[Anonymous]

Plan a fun activity like a board game or a craft project and have them do it with Grandma. Do this often. Talk a out how much fun they are having together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with encouraging one-on-one time with grandma.

The other thing to keep in mind is that the kids are going through a major change in their life. Not only will they be getting a new sibling their mom is now in the hospital for the foreseeable future. Right now they are trying to cling to everything familiar because of the disruptions to their normal routine. You are familiar with regards to the daily routine. Grandma, while familiar, is not a normal part of their routine. Right now the kids need to maintain a sense of stability to help them deal with the changes.

I don't know what you've been doing so far with involving grandma in the daily routine but here are some things that you could do if you aren't already...

1. If the kids want you to tuck them in perhaps grandma can read bedtime stories beforehand.

2. If grandma is helping prepare meals use this as one-on-one time. One of the kids gets to be "Grandma's special kitchen helper" while you spend some time with the other one.

3. If you need to run any errands ask grandma if she's willing to stay with the kids while you go. She'll obviously say yes, but this way makes it seem like she is helping you out and gives her a purpose for that period of time.

4. Do grandma and the kids enjoy crafts? If so pick up a few special crafts that are special grandma crafts that the kids do with her.

If you find little ways to involve her each day and make her feel like she gets to do special things with the kids it might make things easier. If nothing else just keep telling yourself that this is only temporary and shortly after the baby is born things will return to normal...or at least grandma will fly back home and the rest of you will be finding a new normal.

Yes I agree with all of these! Just try to involve the grandma more in things, and encourage one on one time with each child. It won't happen overnight, but if you slowly start incorporating things like the above mentioned, they will start to warm up to her. Also, if you feel comfortable talking with the grandma about all this, I would. Just explain to her that they are young, and since you have been with them full time, naturally they have bonded with you. But also mention that you will do anything you can to help them start bonding with grandma, because you know how important family bonding is for young children.

[Anonymous]

She can drive but DB does. It want her to drive the kids around. She takes them to the park sometimes, but gets tired easily. I think an outing would be great. Maybe drive them to the mall, and I walk around and shop and she can spend time with them, but I'll be there if need be?

Be careful about this. Grandma will tell the parents they are just paying you to shop. Grandma wants to feel validated as being more important to the kids. She isn't going think through the practicalities that the parents shouldn't just cut your hours or that you might object to having your hours cut.