My co-sleeping is causing problems for napping during the day?
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Anonymous
| The question mark is because this is what I think is happening but I am not totally sure. I have a ten month old and we co sleep at night. In the last month, though, she's been having difficulty sleeping during the day in her crib when she takes her two naps with the nanny. The nanny has been letting her cry, and she does get to sleep after about 20 min but will wake up only 15 min later and not be able to get back to sleep. It is getting very frustrating for the nanny, who also has another baby to deal with since we are in a share. Do I need to stop co sleeping and get on the same pattern at night where we put her in the crib and let her cry? Is this the only way to address her not sleeping during the day? I don't want to stop cosleeping as I really do like having her next to me, but I also don't want to standing the way of my baby (and the nanny for that matter) being able to get much needed rest during the day. Advice, please! |
Anonymous
| Keep co-sleeping if you want to- it is a wonderful way to spend more time with your baby. We just started using the stroller for naps which worked really well. Just try not to stress about it- these things always end up working out. |
Anonymous
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quick answer, Yes your co-sleeping is affecting your child's nap schedule. Your baby has become accustomed to being soothed by you at night either by voice, smell, touch or all three. Think of when you sleep away from your significant other, the bed feels big and empty. I know I can't sleep well when my bf isn't next to me.
I can't tell you what is right for your family but I would suggest to at least put the baby in a crib during the day when she is with you. hopefully, she will learn that nap time is different from bedtime. or you can ask the nanny to nap with your daughter which prob won't work since she cares for another baby. |
Anonymous
that sounds like an uncomfortable place to nap and a very short nap. Is the nanny supposed to push the stroller around too? |
Anonymous
| I was going to say ask your nanny to co-sleep with your child (I'm sure she wouldn't mind) but hearing she has another infant kind of ruins that.... |
Anonymous
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Co-sleeping always has the chance to affect your child's sleeping habits. I work for a family, the mom co-sleeps with her 2 kids (single mom). Th 9 yr old boy should be sleeping in his own bed by now, but can't because he is too used to sleeping with other people and since he has been abandoned by his father, part of him won't accept sleeping on his own since he needs to be around people all the time. The 3 yr old girl wakes up at night sometimes still, and if the mom is in the living room, the child wakes up more easily and screams for her. The nights mom sleeps in bed the whole time, the child wakes up 1 out of 10 times and is easily calmed down since mom is right next to her.
While a baby is obviously not going to react in the same ways, they do get used to sleeping with you and when they have to sleep without you, it is usually not as good of a sleep (think child who has a blanky, that has to take a nap without it). Their comfort is gone. I agree that you should be doing the same daytime sleep arrangement with baby even when you have her on weekends, nap at the same time and have her in the crib as well. Only have her co-sleep with you at nighttime, and I would definitely start to wean her off of it around 1-1.5 yrs old. |
Anonymous
My first charge who is now 5yrs old has the same issues because his mother cosleeps. He can't sleep alone ever and now has behavior issues. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for the replies. I spoke with my nanny this morning and she wants me to not co sleep at all, with the thought being that my daughter needs to learn how to sleep totally on her own and needs the consistency of everyone doing the same thing with her. Not going to be easy as I really like being next to my little one! But I respect our nanny's opinion, and she's been spot on with everything else (decades more experience than me!), and my aby really needs to start napping, so I'll give the no co sleeping a go. Argh, this is not going to be fun 
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Anonymous
| How about taking a tshirt you've slept in for a couple of nights and wrapping that around a hot water bottle for her to cuddle up w/ at naptime? We got my son through a tough patch of a few weeks w/ a similar trick. |
Anonymous
| OP, please don't quit co-sleeping if you don't want to!!! As someone who missed being with my baby all day, being away from them at night just hurt my heart. Going to sleep with my sweet little guy curled up next to me is heaven-- and when he wakes up and smiles-- it reminds me that this is a right decision for us. My nanny always tells me that it makes it harder for her to put him down to nap-- but I really don't care-- if I have to be away from him all day no one is going to bully me into being away from him at night. I went through this with the 3 yo (who now naps and sleeps alone at night no problem) and am currently co-sleeping with my 12 month old. DO WHAT FEELS right for you, OP, and shrug off any complaints-- they WILL work it out. |
Anonymous
The difference is OP is in a share. The nanny has 2 children to care for. If you decide to put your children in a share, you need to come to terms with the fact that you do not have a nanny. You SHARE a nanny, and cannot create situations where your child needs significantly more attention than the other child. Its not fair to the other family for you to monopolize the nanny in this way. |
Anonymous
PP, I'm sorry you felt bullied by your nanny (surely that is a problem?) but as a nanny myself, if I tell parents XYZ makes it harder for their DC to nap, what I mean is he is crying and screaming and despairing because he doesn't have a set of cues to help him relax (or has too many cues or whatever the issue is). It isn't about what is easy for me (although if I were in a share the other child/ren would factor into the equation) but that it hurts the child to have inconsistent patterns. That being said, I have had no problem getting some babies to nap even though the co-sleep at night. We use various tricks - blankets warmed up in the dryer just before nap, MB's tshirt in the crib, etc. - that we agreed on together so there was no stress during the day and everyone could sleep at night. If your DC really is struggling to nap, your nanny is probably more concerned with his well-being (we all know how miserable an over-tired baby is and we all know how important regular sleep is for babies) than what is easiest for her or what her personal beliefs about sleeping are. I encourage you to talk more with her (or find a nanny who doesn't bully you) to find ways to make napping alone easier for your DC. |
Anonymous
| 13:05 here- yes- for me- I was not in a share-- so I could say-- I am paying you to sit and rock my sleeping baby-- but for OP-- they will have to be ok with their nanny using her own method of CIO. The main point, though, is that OP should know that it doesn't have to be one or the other. It is possible for MB to co-sleep at night and for the baby to sleep on their own during the day. |
Anonymous
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If your child was in daycare, co-sleeping interfering with nap time at daycare is usually not an issue. Babies learn that they sleep one way at night and another way with a different caregiver.
I would continue co-sleeping. |
Anonymous
| I won't even get into how I feel about co sleeping because its a personal opinion and I don't force my opinions on others but in this situation I have to agree with your nanny it is hard enough to get one baby to nap let alone 2 and if one is screaming for 20 mins the other won't be able to sleep either. I would give it a try not cosleeping and see how it goes you might find that you both sleep better. |