Am I being unreasonable regarding a nap schedule?

[Anonymous]

My nanny generally does a fantastic job. She is extremely interactive, warm, and dedicated. My problem is that we can't seem to get on the same page regarding my DS's sleep. She's with him 3 days a week during the day and I take care of him the other 4. He naps well for her, but she tends to nap him at different times than I would. I use a "time awake" rule where I put DS down at intervals between sleep periods. I've told her the intervals, but I don't want to micromanage. So I've mentioned before that he takes his first nap 2 hours after waking up, second nap 2.25 hours after waking up from nap #1, and third nap 2.25 hours after waking up from nap #2. I put him down for bed 2.5 hours after nap #3 and bedtimes later than 7 seem to cause problems, so he really needs to be up from his nap by 4:30. I've mentioned all this, although there's always a chance I've been misunderstood.

My problem is that even after writing things like "We really need to be consistent with 2/2.25/2.25/2.5" in the parent notes section of the log and verbally mentioning it the nanny still isn't consistent. So she'll be off by 15 minutes here or 30 minutes there. And then DS ends up napping until 5, it messes up bedtime, and night sleep seems to be affected. Since I'm with DS the majority of the time I've paid a lot of attention to what helps him sleep well for both naps and nights and it would be very helpful to me if the nanny worked with me on it. I'm open to her suggesting changes, but I'd like things to be consistent from day to day. At the same time I don't want to micromanage. I just want my DS to sleep, especially at night. I'm one tired mama.

[Anonymous]

Being annoyed with her being 15-30 minutes off your schedule is a little too particular, IMO. I'd focus on the last nap must end by 4:30. That's a very reasonsable request and allows her more flexibility to respond to dc's sleep needs as she sees them during the day.

[Anonymous]

20:28, would your answer change if it was 15-30 minutes each nap (not total) and thanks to those 15-30 minutes and too late naps DS woke less than an hour into his night sleep screaming his head off?

[Anonymous]

Are you able to just record the times you would want naps to start, rather than having her calculate it out? For example: DC was up at 7, please make sure his nap begins as close to 9 as possible, and then give your best estimate for the next start times through the day, based on your previous 4 days?

[Anonymous]

How old is your son? I'm a mom, w/ a nanny for my 15 mth old twins. Our nanny is fantastic but our approaches to napping are very different and it has been a constant issue. I agree w/ the previous posters who said focus on when he has to be up from his nap in the afternoon to ensure bedtime goes well and maybe try to let go of some of the specifics re the other nap times.

I did something like this and found that my children were more flexible than I gave them credit for (knowing that she would pick them if they cried where my husband or I wouldn't for instance. So they cry when she puts them down but not when we do.) Maybe the schedule doesn't have to be identical as long as you preserve some core element? That might help ease things a bit between you and the nanny. I know it felt like an almost antagonistic thing for me, until I let go of some of my insistence and focussed on just a couple of "non-negotiables". Also, this all eases as your child grows (and just when you get the nap thing figured out they hit an new stage and their schedule shifts - so frustrating!)

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP you aren't being unreasonable. Nannies want to let kids nap as long and late as possible. Less work for them and they don't care if the child is awake all night because its not when they are on the clock.

[Anonymous]

OP you aren't being unreasonable. Nannies want to let kids nap as long and late as possible. Less work for them and they don't care if the child is awake all night because its not when they are on the clock.

This.

I agree with the PP who suggested that you give her actual times for naps rather than the interval number if possible. If she continues to ignore your requests, then I'd look for a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are having a very typical new-MB difficulty. You don't want to micromanage, but you do need to manage. I think the difference between micromanaging and managing a nanny well is in the approach. Do you get in right when it's time for her to leave? Do you rush out the door as soon as she arrives? That's fine most of the time, but is there a day (once a week or so) when you could arrange to have a sit-down with nanny?

You have expressed your wishes, but being 15 mjnutes off of a nap schedule is well within range of what most people consider normal. Instead of just reiterating what you want (make my baby sleep at these exact times!) which comes off and very controlling, instead explain the problem on your end (I find that if DC doesn't nap on a very consistent schedule, his night sleep really suffers) and ask about problems on her end (I know I've asked you before to stick with this schedule, and you seem to be off about X% of the time. Is there aomething making it hard for you to work with this schedule?).

If she's a good nanny then either she will explain that she understood the schedule to be a more of a guideline (and will keep to it from now on) or she will explain that with her there is X problem which makes it hard to adopt the set schedule. Please keep in mind that babies react differently to different caregivers, and your baby may truly not sleep well for her.

[Anonymous]

10:09 That's not fair to act like all nannies do this. You don't know this for a fact. We don't all let the children sleep as late as we can possibly get them to sleep. Many of us care about the children we take care of and want to please the parents as well. I know that I don't want to rock the boat and don't disobey what MB wants me to do because I value my job.

[Anonymous]

Is she having difficulty getting him to sleep? Whenever my charges naptimes are thrown off, its usually not because we didn't start our routine at the right time, but because it just took longer that day to get them to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you aren't being unreasonable. Nannies want to let kids nap as long and late as possible. Less work for them and they don't care if the child is awake all night because its not when they are on the clock.

You have a really negative outlook on all nannies. Perhaps this is not the right care choice for you? Not all nannies are as you describe, and Im sorry you have experienced some duds. A good nanny actually enjoys the time she spends with children, and has no desire to try to force a child to sleep all day. Im bored out of my mind during naptime, and can't wait until my charge drops down to 1 nap a day!

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the feedback.

DS generally sleeps very well for the nanny and falls asleep easily (usually within five minutes of being put in his crib after a very short and sweet, easy to follow nap routine) entirely on his own. Nannies on here seem to be always complaining about MBs who are opposed to sleep training, but we aren't at all so the nanny should have no issue there. However he sleeps very poorly at night whenever any little thing is off. He slept 10+ hours at night for a month around 5.5 months so I know he can do it, but since 6.5 months has had difficulty after difficulty, and I have to think the lack of consistency is causing overtiredness and generally contributing to our problems.

When we give our nanny her raise numbers and Christmas bonus I think we're going to do a sort of "state of our working relationship" talk, so we'll address it then.

[Anonymous]

Babies aren't robots. It's fine to have an ideal schedule in mind but I think you are being unreasonable OP. The only thing I support is that you are very firm that the kids must be awake from last nap at 4:30, that is not negotiable. Sleep begets sleep, and it really doesn't matter if the nap at 9am went over by 15 mins, give me a break. The only thing that truly mattes is the last nap, if you weren't a FTM you would know that.

[Anonymous]

PP again... How old id your son? He might be moving to a 2 nap schedule but you are too anal to adjust things.

[Anonymous]

12:43 - the issue isn't too much nap sleep necessarily. It's too much awake time (yes, sleep begets sleep) and too late nap pushing bedtime too late.

As for the only thing that truly matters being the last nap, that may have been true for your kid...

12:45 - don't think it's a nap transition as I see none of the signs (overall sleep and wake time length haven't seemed to change, just night wake-ups), but it might be worth asking the nanny what she thinks.