Nanny depression

[Anonymous]

I'm a part time live-in nanny to a boy (6) and girl (1). I've recently become depressed and just don't feel like doing a whole lot with the kids when I have them. I usually set them up with coloring or something like that and just hang around them. I have scheduled therapy and it should start soon.

My question is should I say anything to MB/DB? I know it would be weird in any other job, but working with people's kids is different, it seems. If you're an MB/DB, would you want to know & what would you do once you knew?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

This is tough; I'd want to support you, but when you say you don't feel like doing much with them, does that mean you're not up to taking them to the park, or playdates, or something more active than coloring?

I would be OK with this for a week or so as with any other illness where you couldn't work 100%, but depression can take a while to treat. I would not be OK with this going on for a month or more.

So, as a MB, I am going to advise you that if you need your job, you keep this to yourself unless you literally can't do the work anymore and need to take time off. Otherwise, you may find yourself out of work if the parents feel like the quality of care is slipping significantly and for a long time.

You can argue that it's unfair, but there is only one nanny; no one to step in and pick up the slack, and the parents want that person to be doing particular things.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB. I'm sorry you're struggling w/ depression but good for you for recognizing it, and for taking steps to address it.

If you were my nanny and you came to me and said what you've written above I would be appreciative that you told me, concerned for you, and relieved that you're already addressing it. I would want to work with you on how to help you until you feel better and how to ensure the children get what they need also. Your proactiveness regarding this, and your awareness of the fact that being with the kids makes this a different work scenario than some others, is commendable and would be reassuring to me. Knowing that you were honest with me would help me trust you to know if there came a time when you couldn't do the job, or needed more help, or whatever... I would want an ongoing conversation with you and would want you to keep me posted about your care and how you're doing, that would help me feel comfortable knowing that my kids were in good hands.

That being said, if you were my friend I would worry about whether your employers are calm enough, balanced enough, informed enough, to be supportive of you while also ensuring their children's well-being. So you really need to be careful about judging your relationship with them and their likely reaction. I think you should also think about how you approach it with them and be as candid as possible. Are you able to keep the children safe, cared for, reasonably entertained (though perhaps not with all of your usual pep) while you are in this period? Do you have a history w/ depression that allows you some knowledge of what to expect in terms of duration or severity? Since you're part-time, are there things you can do to ensure that you are giving your best possible self to the kids when you have them? Thinking through all of that before you go to your employers might help them feel comfortable about how you're handling it.

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

[Anonymous]

I think you're not getting many responses here because while everyone will agree that the second poster is a very sympathetic and loving person, it is unlikely that most parents will want to take on what could be a long-term illness that compromises your ability to fully do the job they hired you for.

At the same time, no one on this site wants to make someone who is already depressed feel worse or more anxious, so we're not really sure what to say.

I don't think you should say anything, and hope your treatment works quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're not getting many responses here because while everyone will agree that the second poster is a very sympathetic and loving person, it is unlikely that most parents will want to take on what could be a long-term illness that compromises your ability to fully do the job they hired you for.

At the same time, no one on this site wants to make someone who is already depressed feel worse or more anxious, so we're not really sure what to say.

I don't think you should say anything, and hope your treatment works quickly.

+1

Take care of yourself and good luck. I'm sure we're all hoping for a quick recovery for you!

[Anonymous]

Talking to the parents should be your last resort.

[Anonymous]

OP this is a tough call.

On one hand if you disclose to them that you are seeking treatment for depression, you run the risk that they will fire you because of all the existing stigma that is out there about mental illness. However, if you say nothing, then it is being deceitful.

If I were in your shoes, I would keep my mouth shut. Seek treatment and mum's the word. Hopefully your M.D. can prescribe you some medication that will get you out of your rut and make you feel more lively again.

[Anonymous]

I sure hope that OP has figured this out since it has been almost a year since she first posted...