I’d give our nanny a solid “C”, but she thinks she’s the best ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had our nanny for a little over a year, and there are things she’s good at and things she’s awful at. The good is that she’s punctual and reliable, and energetic with our kids. She takes care of our youngest while our older two are in school, and in the afternoon we share childcare duties (ie, I take kids to one activity, her to another) such that 75% of the time she’s not with all three.

The bad is that she never plans activities for them - ever - and rejects my suggestions for things to do, so they ALWAYS hang out at home. She also doesn’t feed them very nutritiously despite my asking her to make sure snacks are a balance of fruit, carb, protein (like cheese or yogurt) and to only do raw veggies before dinner. They are instead constantly running around with pirates booty and chips, which yes we buy but we don’t let them eat all day. She also doesn’t clean up after the kids as thoroughly as she should, despite our asking (she’ll typically clean up the last thing they played with but not what they’ve used all day, in another room for example). Finally and most upset tingly, when one is upset or cries she’s pretty cold and chooses to ignore ALL emotions.

Anyway mostly the kids love her so we’ve been trying to ask her to work on these things and weren’t going to make a change. But increasingly she’s been dropping hints that she’s worth more than we’re paying (30/hour, 2 weeks vacation, 1 week sick leave, plus health insurance) and says things that suggests she knows how to parent better than I do. She’s young and this was her first full time nannying job.

Her attitude is pushing me over the line, more than her work. She just acts so… entitled. DH thinks it’s a generational thing and that people in their 20s are like this now.

Thoughts?

Unfortunately you need a new nanny. There’s a chance she won’t take criticism well and if you confront her your kids will pay for it somehow. Find one and pay her out the severance but don’t have her come back.

I’ve never met anything other than a C nanny - it’s rare I come home and they haven’t had some weird sugar thing that’s been dug out of a cabinet, activities are never sensible, and the list goes on. Paying more won’t get you better. They don’t exist. I can afford to pay more but stick to $28 for two kids because at least I’m not wasting money on top of being frustrated.

Frankly, I’ve noticed that the nannies claiming rates should be higher are specifically the most entitled. The more you pay above $28 the more entitled and less useful the nanny, it seems.

Speak for yourself. [/b] OK, I'll bite.

I choose my charge's activities. There's a reason I buy year passes for things I know we will use (exercise, aquarium, etc). I find low cost activities which are fun and educational ($5 Nature Center, free library activities which only require going to a different branch, etc).

[b] I just want you to go to the very expensive classes I pay for. Why must you attempt to overrule me? I don't care whether you want to hang out with your nanny friends at cheap-o activities, I want you to deal with soccer so I don't have to.

I'm more conscious of nutrition than my employers are. I teach children to be aware of what they eat, slow down and savor flavors they enjoy, and combine things they don't like with things they do.

. What in the actual world? Other than your statement that you are better than your employers, you said nothing about nutrition. Also, are you talking to 7 year olds? Why are you nannying 7 year olds? Because my one year old DGAF; you kind of just need to go with trial and error and actually clean up after him when he's done rejecting stuff.

I teach the children to clean up after themselves. By the time they are 5, they are doing it without any help beyond prompting, and they understand that they must clean up before starting their next activity.

I expect a child to be cleaning up before starting an activity by 4 at the latest. Are you trying to raise heathens?

Ignoring a tantrum is spot on; ignoring a meltdown due to the adult ignoring fatigue, overstimulation, thirst or hunger is neglect and harmful to emotional development and control. Ignoring a child who is experiencing an emotion that they don't know how to name, let alone control, is abusive (IMO) and teaches them to repress their emotions.

[/b] I don't disagree here, actually, minus calling it abusive. JFC.

Above is a dud, but there are plenty of good nannies out there.

. Yes, a ton! And for $20-$25.

Totally messed up what I was trying to do with the bold, haha - apologies!

[Anonymous]

In a weird way, I think it’s a testament of how much you as mom are handling, and how well doing it, behind the scenes. It sounds like she doesn’t even know all that goes into parenting and instead is overestimating her contributions and as a result, minimizing your contributions. Bless her heart.

Her expectations on salary are probably driven by comparing herself to other Nannie’s. If she’s overestimating her contributions to your family (and it seems like she is), it makes sense that she thinks she’s the most valuable employee in the world.

Maybe be more candid with her on all the things you are handling on your end? I don’t know. There might not be much you can do here except let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seasoned nanny here and I’ve noticed the difference of Nannie’s like myself, versus the 20 something year olds as well. Very entitled. Wanting $30+ an hr with no experience and don’t want to lift a finger just keep the kids alive .

Agreed. I’m a career nanny in LA and charge $40-45/hr and at first families think my rate is too high, but then after they try out a 20 year old inexperienced and unreliable nanny on their phone all day, they realize I’m worth every penny.

Are you my sister? She tells me the same thing. She is 54, retired teacher, worth every penny. The employers finally "got it" after trying out younger, cheaper nannies.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s time for her yearly review. Hopefully you didn’t just give her a raise already? (If you think it’s possible she’ll quit if you don’t give her more money and lots of praise, start a search now for a new nanny.)

You ask her to meet with you to discuss the past year and what the expectations are moving forward. You then serve her a poop sandwich. First, tell her that you appreciate XYZ that she does. Next, discuss the areas that need improvement and be clear about your expectations. I’d choose the 3 biggest problems that drive you craziest. Once you’ve course corrected her, close with, “I want you to succeed in this job. We will meet again in 3 months, the week of (dates), and do another review. At that point, if you are meeting expectations we can discuss a small raise and schedule our next 3 month review.”

If she pitches a huge fit, tell her that she seems unwilling to try to improve and let her go. Get all your stuff from her, make sure she takes all her stuff, and show her the door.

If she shapes up, give her a small raise. If f she doesn’t shape up, let her know that she’s now on probation and if there isn’t significant improvement the next week you’ll be letting her go for cause.

[Anonymous]

It's a generational thing. We had a 35 yo, who left me shoked. Very entitled, a lot of drama. We parted ways, but one of her parting gripes was that she didn't have time to make herself coffee and sit and drink it (she did have 1 hr break for lunch daily). Also asked if I have any cookies for her coffee early on. No, I had no cookies

[Anonymous]

Don't buy the treats you don't want your kids to eat. Think hard before complaining because she may be betttsr than you realize -- good help can be hard to find. Have performance reviews.

[Anonymous]

I have been a nanny for 25yrs and have seen parenting change drastically. Modern day parents just want kids to be constantly entertained, busy, there is no down time, there is no such thing as just relax and do what you feel like, unwind.
School all day, multiple activities to follow, homework, its too much for kids.
Parents do not instill manners or responsibilities, they wait on kids, and expect others to do so too, teach them to pick up after themselves, teach them to be self content and entertain themselves without needing a stimulator.
And yes, as a seasoned nanny, i do feel i parent better than most of the new parents who follow books to raise a child vs listening, knowing, feeling what their childs needs are and how to handle them.
No nanny is going to be good enough if you are demanding and controlling. If you want things done a specific way be clear and precise from the get go or do it yourself and do not hire a nanny period.

[Anonymous]

I hope you got a new one or the current one shaped up + refined her skills since she’s presumed to be the best - if you’ve asked her to work on it and actively assisted her in finding tips & tricks to help such as book suggestions or purchases + links from YouTube to help with your concerns .. move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a nanny for 25yrs and have seen parenting change drastically. Modern day parents just want kids to be constantly entertained, busy, there is no down time, there is no such thing as just relax and do what you feel like, unwind.
School all day, multiple activities to follow, homework, its too much for kids.
Parents do not instill manners or responsibilities, they wait on kids, and expect others to do so too, teach them to pick up after themselves, teach them to be self content and entertain themselves without needing a stimulator.
And yes, as a seasoned nanny, i do feel i parent better than most of the new parents who follow books to raise a child vs listening, knowing, feeling what their childs needs are and how to handle them.
No nanny is going to be good enough if you are demanding and controlling. If you want things done a specific way be clear and precise from the get go or do it yourself and do not hire a nanny period.

Best response I've read on this site since idk when

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s time for her yearly review. Hopefully you didn’t just give her a raise already? (If you think it’s possible she’ll quit if you don’t give her more money and lots of praise, start a search now for a new nanny.)

You ask her to meet with you to discuss the past year and what the expectations are moving forward. You then serve her a poop sandwich. First, tell her that you appreciate XYZ that she does. Next, discuss the areas that need improvement and be clear about your expectations. I’d choose the 3 biggest problems that drive you craziest. Once you’ve course corrected her, close with, “I want you to succeed in this job. We will meet again in 3 months, the week of (dates), and do another review. At that point, if you are meeting expectations we can discuss a small raise and schedule our next 3 month review.”

If she pitches a huge fit, tell her that she seems unwilling to try to improve and let her go. Get all your stuff from her, make sure she takes all her stuff, and show her the door.

If she shapes up, give her a small raise. If f she doesn’t shape up, let her know that she’s now on probation and if there isn’t significant improvement the next week you’ll be letting her go for cause.

People are out here hiring nannies they think might “pitch a huge fit” over anything at all? Wow, no wonder you end up complaining that your nanny is immature. If I thought there was even a chance of a grown adult in my employ “pitching a huge fit” they’d be gone before we ever reached where you have ended up. That’s insane. Hire a real nanny who would never “pitch a fit.” Do you realize how absurd that sounds? You’re not hiring professionals if you have this concern. Straight up. The thought of my child’s nanny “pitching a huge fit” is so funny to me, because it would never, ever happen. She’s also not 20 because I’m not a fool.

OP - what did you end up doing?