A warning based on personal experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She still has yet to respond by the way.

Well why would she at this point? It sounds like you harassed her (which is what you would call the messaging on all platforms and showing up to her house, regardless of your intent or reason) and then you (likely illegally) broke the contract. Why do you think she would contact you after all that?

OP here. To clear a few things up: Didn’t harass her and would have paid a retainer if she asked. She didn’t because she had a full time job, the topic never even came up. She seemed excited. The entire situation was just bizarre. Before she ghosted us she would text us randomly and ask how our daughter was doing and that she was looking forward to starting. It was like a light switch went off and then radio silence. We texted her saying merry Christmas. Nothing. Checked in to make sure she had her CPR certification and if not wed reimburse her. Followed up on that question. Then started to become worried. She’s not a young nanny, she’s older in her 50s and we weren’t sure if she lived alone or not. We were genuinely worried about her. It was a shock that she was just sitting st home watching th because we were concerned. Especially with COVID being rampant around the holidays. We gave her many chances to respond, and even messaged her on the app we met her on, and also emailed her just to be sure nothing happened to her phone.

I agree that showing up could be interpreted as creepy but we didn’t feel like we had any other option. We wanted to make sure she was ok first and foremost and didn’t want her to have fallen or been hurt and at home alone.

Regardless, it was a disappointment. Especially because our intentions weren’t to put her and surprise her in her home. We were worried.

[Anonymous]

Did OP say how many refs she spoke with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I had a nanny arranged to start at the end of this month. We met her back in September and had a meet and greet with the baby, interview, contract signed, etc. We were all ready to go.

Come December our soon to be nanny stops responding. We were concerned so we emailed, messaged on Nextdoor app, Facebook, the whole nine. Nothing. We were worried about her so we went to her house and sure enough she’s there and fine. She said she’s been busy and traveled for work so hadn’t had a chance to reply (which in my opinion is a red flag, it takes 15 seconds to send a reply). She said she’d call the following week and come by to see the baby. Next week goes by and nothing again. At this point we restart our nanny search because we only have 2.5 weeks until we need someone.

We ended up finding someone we liked even better than the original nanny so it was a blessing in disguise. We let her know the contract is void due to lack of communication and still nothing. I just wanted to put it out there that as prepared as you can be, and as much as you may think you like someone and can trust them, it could go the opposite.

Has this happened to you? Is this common? Why the ghost and not just say I’m no longer interested? It’s very disrespectful and as a mother I couldn’t imagine doing this to another mom. Very disappointed.

Why would think she was going to wait around for four months. If you want a ailability, you pay for her to wait those four months!

[Anonymous]

Not the OP…..but just a thought…..

When if the OP had paid a retainer fee - then said Nanny would ghost…??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP…..but just a thought…..

When if the OP had paid a retainer fee - then said Nanny would ghost…??

Then you'd take them to small claims court to get your money back.

[Anonymous]

Nanny might be going through depression and scared to start working due to latest covid surge. Should have let you know tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny might be going through depression and scared to start working due to latest covid surge. Should have let you know tho.

Someone who is just watching TV and just said she didn't respond because she was traveling?? And seemed to me ok and very confortable at her house and even said she was going to call next week to come over and visit the baby? Someone who suffer with depression is really another story. So to think she acted like that because she might be going through a depression phase. A person who really suffer of depression obviously don't act like that. Any other person who is not a dr. Like me.. can say that.

[Anonymous]

Very bizarre. Never heard of this happening. Awful experience for OP.

[Anonymous]

she was covering up her depression probably. Or other mental issues, like forgetting. What other explanation you suggest? Also, how come she lives in the house? Or are you just calling her apartment a house?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had this happen and it taught me not to begin a nanny search until a month before the start date. Too much can happen otherwise and, with covid, the nanny could have a personal or family health issue that they are reluctant to reveal. Communication is vital and you must have a nanny who responds promptly to your inquiries. Glad you found someone who you like better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she was covering up her depression probably. Or other mental issues, like forgetting. What other explanation you suggest? Also, how come she lives in the house? Or are you just calling her apartment a house?

Not trying to be rude, but forgetfulness is not in and in itself a confirmed mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I mean you can forget where you put your gloves, or that you have zoom meeting at 10 am, or to pay a bill, but forget that you signed a contract and not to respond to emails may be a sign of many things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny might be going through depression and scared to start working due to latest covid surge. Should have let you know tho.

Someone who is just watching TV and just said she didn't respond because she was traveling?? And seemed to me ok and very confortable at her house and even said she was going to call next week to come over and visit the baby? Someone who suffer with depression is really another story. So to think she acted like that because she might be going through a depression phase. A person who really suffer of depression obviously don't act like that. Any other person who is not a dr. Like me.. can say that.

Wait, she was planning on coming to see the baby next week? How many weeks prior to start date did you go to her house?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I had a nanny arranged to start at the end of this month. We met her back in September and had a meet and greet with the baby, interview, contract signed, etc. We were all ready to go.

Come December our soon to be nanny stops responding. We were concerned so we emailed, messaged on Nextdoor app, Facebook, the whole nine. Nothing. We were worried about her so we went to her house and sure enough she’s there and fine. She said she’s been busy and traveled for work so hadn’t had a chance to reply (which in my opinion is a red flag, it takes 15 seconds to send a reply). She said she’d call the following week and come by to see the baby. Next week goes by and nothing again. At this point we restart our nanny search because we only have 2.5 weeks until we need someone.

We ended up finding someone we liked even better than the original nanny so it was a blessing in disguise. We let her know the contract is void due to lack of communication and still nothing. I just wanted to put it out there that as prepared as you can be, and as much as you may think you like someone and can trust them, it could go the opposite.

Has this happened to you? Is this common? Why the ghost and not just say I’m no longer interested? It’s very disrespectful and as a mother I couldn’t imagine doing this to another mom. Very disappointed.

Did you pay her to wait those five months? If not, why are you surprised? Also, going to her house was uncalled for and tantamount to stalking. This action alone would have made me change my mind.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like something changed for her & she didn't want to tell you. People change their minds before starting corporate jobs too. Unusual for both but they do.

The retainer could have been started 1 month before and no, she shouldn't have to ask for it.