How much should this baby like me for me to keep my job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom with a nanny. It sounds like this mom is feeling very insecure because she works very long hours, doesn’t have much time to spend with her baby and doesn’t feel bonded. If she was normal she would want her baby to have a really good relationship with the nanny and encourage that in any way she could.

I second all the suggestions to run.

+1

This won’t ever work OP. You can always tough it out until you inevitably are laid off so you can collect unemployment. However I couldn’t do it. I’d also be worried she’d accuse you of abuse or neglect. She sounds like she needs help for PPD/PPA.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has been with us for years and years. It is common knowledge that our youngest, who is 5, prefers her over me, and we just laugh about it. We are so lucky to have her in our lives. You don't need this family, OP, and should get a new job.

[Anonymous]

I really hope you gave your notice, OP. But regardless, please update us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you gave your notice, OP. But regardless, please update us.

+1. What did you decide to do, OP?

[Anonymous]

There are MANY mom anxiety things that can be fixed with a job talk - being able to leave the neighborhood for walks, driving the kids, library time, doing playdates, trying new foods. There are many things that mom's and dads originally can't imagine saying yes to that over time they can work through and trust nanny with.

This is NOT one. If mom was only critical when baby cried, that actually could be added. But the self deprecating comments about "I guess she forgot mom. Babies should only bond with mom" stuff is not normal or ok.

Also 100% she is looking to quit and be home and this is her avenue to do so. Find anew job now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’ve worked with a lot of anxious new moms but struggling with current family.

Started two weeks ago. First time parents. Both parents have high stress jobs that require a lot of their tome and attention. Baby is currently 14 weeks. I work about 55-60 hours a week. Mom works PT in her office and PT at home. Dad is FT at work.

Mom has made almost daily comments about babies connection to me. If baby cries when she hands him over it’s

“Babies can tell who is a good person and who isn’t.” “He knows you aren’t his Mama, he doesn’t feel as safe with you.” “I want to trust my Mama gut, if he’s not happy that’s hard to do.”

But if he’s happy with me or God forbids smile at me it’s,

“I guess he just forgot I’m his Mama.” “Didn’t think it would be that easy for him to replace me. “ “I wonder why he likes you so much?” Babies are only suppose to bond with mom and dad.”

And I get it. Leaving your baby in the care of a relative stranger is hard and I understand she’s working through some things but I’m very stressed.

So moms, what can I do or say to let mom know she’s number 1 while also helping her trust that babies safe with me.

I feel like there is this tiny sliver of “connected to baby but not bonded” that will make Mom happy.

Thoughts? Advice?

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!

[Anonymous]

Update. I had a heart to heart with MB on Friday. We had a good chat and she admitted she was having a hard time adjusting to work and suffered from PPD/PPA. She apologized, said she trusted me, felt lucky to have me and said she’d work on it. Left for the weekend on good terms.

Came in yesterday and she pulled me aside for a chat. It did not go well. Told me she was angry I was so confrontational with her (I was not) and made her “feel bad about being a carrying and loving parent.” Told me I must be use to working with mothers who didn’t truly love their children if I thought her concern for her child’s well-being was over the top. Told me I’d never understand what she’s feeling because I don’t have kids of my own so wouldn’t be able to recognize a mothers love. Little does she know I’ve had 3 miscarriages, one being in the third trimester due to fibroids. Had an emergency c-section and had my uterus removed so I will not be having any children most likely. I had an emotional response because the last comment was upsetting. I ended up quitting on the spot.

She called me today asking me to come back. Saying she will accept my apology for “snapping”. I did not snap, I started sobbing but ok…

I’m thinking there are some deeper mental health issues happening here but it’s not mentally healthy for me to stay.

[Anonymous]

Runnnnn!!

[Anonymous]

Dear God, OP, the woman is mentally unstable. Please, please do not go back. You will not have a hole in your resume leaving now and you can forget all about her. You did nothing wrong and tried far harder than most would do in your position.

Please, please do not go back!!!

[Anonymous]

You did a good thing by quitting. Good for you. This is not a situation that can be fixed with a talk. Forget them and never look back. If she continues calling, say calmly "I don't think we are a good fit" and continue repeating it. Do not get into you said, I said.

[Anonymous]

Please reassure us that you aren’t going back, OP!

[Anonymous]

Omg the MB sounds truly insane. Stay away!