Nanny not believing us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

But nannies aren't family, they are employees. And there is nothing wrong with moving on from a relationship of any kind.
Some of you nannies need to work on boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

But nannies aren't family, they are employees. And there is nothing wrong with moving on from a relationship of any kind.
Some of you nannies need to work on boundaries.

You totally missed the point. I’m agreeing with you. Nannies are employees and are telling the OP to stop the “you mean so much to us” crap. It’s the OP and other employers who needs to work on their boundaries. The nannies seem to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

But nannies aren't family, they are employees. And there is nothing wrong with moving on from a relationship of any kind.
Some of you nannies need to work on boundaries.

Nannies?! You have reading comprehension issues, PP! It’s the OP who is an employer who has the boundary issues - her nanny set her straight.

In my experience, it’s the female employers of nannies who have serious boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

But nannies aren't family, they are employees. And there is nothing wrong with moving on from a relationship of any kind.
Some of you nannies need to work on boundaries.

Seriously?! That what you got from this thread topic and the responses?

You have problems, g

[Anonymous]

Really OP that is cruel.
If she really took that to heart, it would be so upsetting for her if you just removed her from your lives when the job ended. Even if you kept in touch briefly for a while, she would lose her significance.
Don't hurt her by saying things you do not mean. Bad move.

[Anonymous]

Op just continue to be a great employer.

Nannies need to have thick skin and unfortunately hearts of steel. We love, care and dedicate hours, days, months and years for a family knowing they aren’t our own.

Now I have a great relationship with all previous families, all long term. 5 families over the past 30 years. But I always have to know they aren’t my family. And as I age - I have no children nor spouse. I am happy with my life but at the end of the night I go to an empty home (while great in some respects obviously). Ive spent holidays, vacations, birthdays, etc alone

Your nanny can mean everything to you but you have to realize seasoned nannies have heard that over and over and over again. It’s nothing personal at all. It really isn’t. Again be the best employer, you sound amazing but don’t take it personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told her she meant a lot to me and DH. She seemed a bit annoyed and 'Thanks but I could be replaced very quickly if I did quit. Not saying I don't appreciate it but it's easy to get hurt when you think you mean more than you actually do.'

She has been burned by a lying family. She also knows that you can let her go without a 2nd thought. I don't blame her for not believing you.

[Anonymous]

It's a nice thing for you to say OP. She has poor judgement for not filtering her response. It's a nature of relationship that the employee has to leave once children are older. I've seen families keeping in touch, and others not looking back. Depends on personalities (including the nannies'). Our former nanny kept in touch with one of her previous long-term families, but talked trash about parents non-stop the first few weeks. Go figure...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

But nannies aren't family, they are employees. And there is nothing wrong with moving on from a relationship of any kind.
Some of you nannies need to work on boundaries.

Find someone with an IQ much, much higher than yours to explain this to you. Obviously, you cannot comprehend what you read.

[Anonymous]

If you haven't had a quarterly or annual meeting, you should. Sit down and talk about what is going well, what things she thinks should be adjusted, what patterns with the kids she is seeing and would like to collaborate with you on. This is more than just the normal day end debrief..set some family goals with her led by her..Show her how much she is an important part of the process.

Unless she is normally so unfiltered, but then this would have been less.of a shock, something is bothering her. See if you can figure it out and remedy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experiences I have been told often that the families love me. Not just the kids but also the parents. As soon as I had outlived my purpose, I got dropped like a hot stone. No contact at all once I was no longer needed for childcare.
If you left tomorrow you would be replaced in an instant. It is important to remember that otherwise you will end up very hurt. For me when the families I work for go on vacation and I hear nothing from them for 2 weeks it reminds me that I am just the nanny and nothing more.

I was with you until the bolded. When DH and I go on vacation we do not bother our nanny - we assume it's a break for ALL of us. Would it make you feel better to know that while we're on vacation we also don't reach out to our families, either?

+1. Also, yes a nanny’s employees will replace her in an instant. They have to! They need childcare to do their own jobs.

I had two long-term nannies. The first one was not that great but we couldn’t find better in the area. We gave her a good reference and kept in touch for a few months and then let the relationship go. The second one was excellent and we’ve kept in touch a lot and she occasionally babysits on weekends and brings her own son over for playdates and we chat while the kids play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

What is it that you don't understand from all the posts that she has been burned before by insincere employer. What do you do to actually show her that you are sincere? Actions speak louder than words!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here and she means so much to us. We wouldn't have said it otherwise. It's sad she doesn't want to believe that but maybe she has been hurt before.

OP, you aren’t hearing us. All employers say the same and it’s truly meaningless. Once you don’t need her to care for your child, you’ll not give her a passing thought. She isn’t family and you’ll start to take her for granted and then be happy when you don’t need to pay for childcare. She is smart not to believe you and ask you not to say it.

But nannies aren't family, they are employees. And there is nothing wrong with moving on from a relationship of any kind.
Some of you nannies need to work on boundaries.

Are you just stupid or have no reading comprehension? It's the OP of this thread who needs to work on boundaries!