Au Pair Social Distancing -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all so hard. I understand that our au pair is going crazy from being in the house for almost the last 2 months, which is not what she signed up for.

At the same time, our family is complying with the stay at home order.

If she went out to hang out with friends and got my children sick, I would never be able to forgive myself for my lapse in judgement.

We need an au pair, but I’m willing to pause the program if it comes down to watching putting my children at risk .

We may let her pick a friend who is also social distancing,!/9 that they can hang out 1:1.

FYI there are a lot of au pairs who are still hanging out in groups and not social distancing. Just make sure that you’re aware of the risks in case he/she accidentally brings the illness home .

This exactly. Our stay at home orders have been lifted, and our AP is out "social distancing" almost every night. I'd love to trust that she's actually doing it, but who knows.

Bottom line is that we are incredibly uncomfortable with it, and might have to part ways. I can't risk my family's health.

You should let the AP go so she can find a more emotionally stable/less exploitative HF.

NP. Why so nasty, PP? My house, my rules. If any AP is not comfortable if my rules, they are welcome to rematch. To the poster who is thinking about letting the AP go, your AP won't have troubles rematching, given how many au pairs have left. At the same time, if was not clear from your post of your AP knows that you are uncomfortable with her going out.

Because you are literally talking about the au pair like she is a house slave. If the stay at home order is lifted, and she is legally permitted to go out or travel. You cannot actually bar her from leaving the house. Send her into a healthier home environment. Trust that you will not be able to find a new AP agreeing to your "Harry Potter locked under the stairs" regime - the agency will flag you as a nutter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all so hard. I understand that our au pair is going crazy from being in the house for almost the last 2 months, which is not what she signed up for.

At the same time, our family is complying with the stay at home order.

If she went out to hang out with friends and got my children sick, I would never be able to forgive myself for my lapse in judgement.

We need an au pair, but I’m willing to pause the program if it comes down to watching putting my children at risk .

We may let her pick a friend who is also social distancing,!/9 that they can hang out 1:1.

FYI there are a lot of au pairs who are still hanging out in groups and not social distancing. Just make sure that you’re aware of the risks in case he/she accidentally brings the illness home .

This exactly. Our stay at home orders have been lifted, and our AP is out "social distancing" almost every night. I'd love to trust that she's actually doing it, but who knows.

Bottom line is that we are incredibly uncomfortable with it, and might have to part ways. I can't risk my family's health.

You should let the AP go so she can find a more emotionally stable/less exploitative HF.

NP. Why so nasty, PP? My house, my rules. If any AP is not comfortable if my rules, they are welcome to rematch. To the poster who is thinking about letting the AP go, your AP won't have troubles rematching, given how many au pairs have left. At the same time, if was not clear from your post of your AP knows that you are uncomfortable with her going out.

I’m the pp— at least I think I am! I assume she knows why she can’t see her boyfriend — it’s because he is not social distancing, it’s not because of the order. In fact we had a chat with her about this the weekend before there even was an order. So that’s why I’m saying she has some magical thinking that when the order is lifted all will be ok. And at the time of our initial chat I suggested she rematch if she wants to find a family with different rules. I gave her two days to think about it and she said no she doesn’t want to rematch because (honestly I’m not sure why I didn’t get a coherent answer). Anyway if worse comes to worse I suppose she can just go live at her boyfriends for the last few weeks after June 8. We’ll continue to pay her as a bonus for work done (and to comply with the program). Well be fair but we’re not risking our health over her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all so hard. I understand that our au pair is going crazy from being in the house for almost the last 2 months, which is not what she signed up for.

At the same time, our family is complying with the stay at home order.

If she went out to hang out with friends and got my children sick, I would never be able to forgive myself for my lapse in judgement.

We need an au pair, but I’m willing to pause the program if it comes down to watching putting my children at risk .

We may let her pick a friend who is also social distancing,!/9 that they can hang out 1:1.

FYI there are a lot of au pairs who are still hanging out in groups and not social distancing. Just make sure that you’re aware of the risks in case he/she accidentally brings the illness home .

This exactly. Our stay at home orders have been lifted, and our AP is out "social distancing" almost every night. I'd love to trust that she's actually doing it, but who knows.

Bottom line is that we are incredibly uncomfortable with it, and might have to part ways. I can't risk my family's health.

You should let the AP go so she can find a more emotionally stable/less exploitative HF.

NP. Why so nasty, PP? My house, my rules. If any AP is not comfortable if my rules, they are welcome to rematch. To the poster who is thinking about letting the AP go, your AP won't have troubles rematching, given how many au pairs have left. At the same time, if was not clear from your post of your AP knows that you are uncomfortable with her going out.

I’m the pp— at least I think I am! I assume she knows why she can’t see her boyfriend — it’s because he is not social distancing, it’s not because of the order. In fact we had a chat with her about this the weekend before there even was an order. So that’s why I’m saying she has some magical thinking that when the order is lifted all will be ok. And at the time of our initial chat I suggested she rematch if she wants to find a family with different rules. I gave her two days to think about it and she said no she doesn’t want to rematch because (honestly I’m not sure why I didn’t get a coherent answer). Anyway if worse comes to worse I suppose she can just go live at her boyfriends for the last few weeks after June 8. We’ll continue to pay her as a bonus for work done (and to comply with the program). Well be fair but we’re not risking our health over her.

Either way she would be a more stable environment b/c she would be outside of the “AP=indentured servitude” environment. She has 30 days after the end of her term - so you can’t ruin that for her as much as it seems you want to. But, yep, you will likely be flagged as a problem family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all so hard. I understand that our au pair is going crazy from being in the house for almost the last 2 months, which is not what she signed up for.

At the same time, our family is complying with the stay at home order.

If she went out to hang out with friends and got my children sick, I would never be able to forgive myself for my lapse in judgement.

We need an au pair, but I’m willing to pause the program if it comes down to watching putting my children at risk .

We may let her pick a friend who is also social distancing,!/9 that they can hang out 1:1.

FYI there are a lot of au pairs who are still hanging out in groups and not social distancing. Just make sure that you’re aware of the risks in case he/she accidentally brings the illness home .

This exactly. Our stay at home orders have been lifted, and our AP is out "social distancing" almost every night. I'd love to trust that she's actually doing it, but who knows.

Bottom line is that we are incredibly uncomfortable with it, and might have to part ways. I can't risk my family's health.

You should let the AP go so she can find a more emotionally stable/less exploitative HF.

NP. Why so nasty, PP? My house, my rules. If any AP is not comfortable if my rules, they are welcome to rematch. To the poster who is thinking about letting the AP go, your AP won't have troubles rematching, given how many au pairs have left. At the same time, if was not clear from your post of your AP knows that you are uncomfortable with her going out.

I’m the pp— at least I think I am! I assume she knows why she can’t see her boyfriend — it’s because he is not social distancing, it’s not because of the order. In fact we had a chat with her about this the weekend before there even was an order. So that’s why I’m saying she has some magical thinking that when the order is lifted all will be ok. And at the time of our initial chat I suggested she rematch if she wants to find a family with different rules. I gave her two days to think about it and she said no she doesn’t want to rematch because (honestly I’m not sure why I didn’t get a coherent answer). Anyway if worse comes to worse I suppose she can just go live at her boyfriends for the last few weeks after June 8. We’ll continue to pay her as a bonus for work done (and to comply with the program). Well be fair but we’re not risking our health over her.

Either way she would be a more stable environment b/c she would be outside of the “AP=indentured servitude” environment. She has 30 days after the end of her term - so you can’t ruin that for her as much as it seems you want to. But, yep, you will likely be flagged as a problem family.

So we aren’t required to House her during the travel month. No host family is. And also we are done with the au pair program. No problem family here. And Like the other posters have said— nobody is forcing a host family to continue with the program if they don’t feel it’s safe. Both sides have an opportunity to quit. Unfortunately for our au pair this is the end of her two years but yeah we didn’t bring on the pandemic ourselves. .

[Anonymous]

Not the PP, but the house slave/indentured servant poster needs to chill.

People have choices. Protecting your family is the top
priority. Nobody is saying AP’s have to stay in the house. They just have to follow the rules. And adding a bf who is not social distancing is not worth the risk. The AP can find another family with looser rules, or just live with her bf as the PP said. Not sure what the big deal is.

Nobody planned the pandemic. It happened and we’re all dealing with it as best we can.

[Anonymous]

and this is why we are so grateful for a smart au pair who is scientifically oriented. whew.

[Anonymous]

We are very happy to have a smart AP, and she is always telling us how lucky she has to not be with some whack-job, family who won't let her date or study and takes the cultural exchange seriously and not like slave labor they can ship back like a mail-order bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are very happy to have a smart AP, and she is always telling us how lucky she has to not be with some whack-job, family who won't let her date or study and takes the cultural exchange seriously and not like slave labor they can ship back like a mail-order bride.

You sound emotionally unstable (not judging - just observing). Btw - cultural exchange, dating, and study can all take place safely with social distancing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After two months of this, if the order is lifted, you are still going to chain her to your house. That is called human trafficking and is illegal.

This poster is a troll who lurks in a lot of these comment threads. People who ask their au pairs to socially distance are not human traffickers. You have every right to ask the people living with you not to socialize outside the family if it makes you uncomfortable. If your au pair does not like your house rules, she can rematch. Every family has its own level of risk tolerance. The fact that a stay-at-home order lifts doesn't mean it's suddenly safe to do what you want. As we have seen in the news, this process has been heavily politicized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are very happy to have a smart AP, and she is always telling us how lucky she has to not be with some whack-job, family who won't let her date or study and takes the cultural exchange seriously and not like slave labor they can ship back like a mail-order bride.

You sound emotionally unstable (not judging - just observing). Btw - cultural exchange, dating, and study can all take place safely with social distancing...

How does dating take place safely with social distancing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are very happy to have a smart AP, and she is always telling us how lucky she has to not be with some whack-job, family who won't let her date or study and takes the cultural exchange seriously and not like slave labor they can ship back like a mail-order bride.

You sound emotionally unstable (not judging - just observing). Btw - cultural exchange, dating, and study can all take place safely with social distancing...

How does dating take place safely with social distancing?

I want to know too! I’m envisioning air kisses from separate benches at an ice cream parlor or jogging together, one running backwards so they can at least smile at each other.

[Anonymous]

When the stay at home order is lifted, your AP has every right to meet friends, date, and travel. You are free to attempt to rematch if she doesn’t want to wear your chastity belt - but good luck, because you will be blackballed as a problem family. It sounds like the program is not for you - and, of course, families like yours are why the program has a bad name in the first place. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After two months of this, if the order is lifted, you are still going to chain her to your house. That is called human trafficking and is illegal.

This poster is a troll who lurks in a lot of these comment threads. People who ask their au pairs to socially distance are not human traffickers. You have every right to ask the people living with you not to socialize outside the family if it makes you uncomfortable. If your au pair does not like your house rules, she can rematch. Every family has its own level of risk tolerance. The fact that a stay-at-home order lifts doesn't mean it's suddenly safe to do what you want. As we have seen in the news, this process has been heavily politicized.

Nope. Just an employment lawyer who knows a nutter when she sees one. I think the au pair is legal and needs some structural reform - and needs to weed out abusive families in order to continue.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Yeah dating while social distancing is not possible unfortunately. I will say that my next door neighbor has adult children living in her house and they are all social distancing. It’s not such a crazy thing to require of an au pair. But in case it wasn’t clear — we are done with the program afterwards. It is too uncomfortable to be living with someone who is unhappy. I feel for the au pair. I asked her if she wanted to return or rematch and told her to take it seriously. She said no. I sort of want this to be over even though work and parenting will be a slog for me and my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Yeah dating while social distancing is not possible unfortunately. I will say that my next door neighbor has adult children living in her house and they are all social distancing. It’s not such a crazy thing to require of an au pair. But in case it wasn’t clear — we are done with the program afterwards. It is too uncomfortable to be living with someone who is unhappy. I feel for the au pair. I asked her if she wanted to return or rematch and told her to take it seriously. She said no. I sort of want this to be over even though work and parenting will be a slog for me and my husband.

This +1000. It will be hard, but these are not ideal times to host.