Prospective AP asking if Bf can visit

[Anonymous]

And also be prepared, if you say no this might be a dealbreaker for her. It would for me if I was her.

[Anonymous]

I would not be comfortable with ANY out of town guest staying for a week. That is a long time for a house guest. That would be a deal breaker for me.

I see what other people are saying, but this is a red flag for me. We had an au pair who wanted to change things in the handbook. It wasn’t just one time. She pushed the limits to get as much as she could. My kids liked her and she was fine, but we were happy to see her go at the end of the year.

[Anonymous]

I also think asking for rules exceptions prior to even arriving is indicative of things to come. We just went through match and one candidate asked in the initial get-to-know-you interview if her sister could come and stay for a prolonged period. We did not pursue a second interview.

[Anonymous]

My other concern with these kinds of requests is...what happens to child care while the APs boyfriend is in town? Will she still be present or does the focus change to the boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks everyone ! I did say yes with some rules. she is 25 years old and is really mature. She is planning to get married after her au pair year. The way I see it, if they break up or he doesn’t get the visa i don’t have to worry about it (not my wish just the reality) If she is a great au pair with great judgement and everything is going well I will be happy to host him. If things are not going well I will just say no that I have reconsidered or will rematch anyway. The promise to host bf is all based on the unspoken assumption that everything is going well.

[Anonymous]

I was an au pair when I was 19.
I had a boyfriend in my home country and he came to visit me for Christmas for a week. He stayed in the guest toom right next to my room and the parents said as long as he was in there in the morning when the kids got up they didnt care where he spent the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask to skype with him before I said yes.

And what would this accomplish, pray tell? Are you going to ask what his intentions are towards your AP?

[Anonymous]

Yea, no. Did this once and ended up having to feed the guy for a week. Was a huge hassle having another person in our fridge morning noon and night.

Yes, to parents coming to visit (because they all have had the common sense to buy their own food and keep out of the way) and no to friends from home and boyfriends.

[Anonymous]

I said no to boyfriends because my house is small and there is no privacy and only one bathroom. I said yes to the mother and the sister because, like another poster above, they have common sense and cook for themselves and clean up and do not eat everything in my fridge. They also did not get in the way of my bathroom time in the morning when I have to go to work.

[Anonymous]

Too early to tell.

I'd tell the AP it's a possibility but it just depends. AP might arrive and blow you away with maturity and you might decide her bf staying overnight is fine. Or you might see other clues that make you tell her to just take a vacation week when bf arrives and go somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too early to tell.

I'd tell the AP it's a possibility but it just depends. AP might arrive and blow you away with maturity and you might decide her bf staying overnight is fine. Or you might see other clues that make you tell her to just take a vacation week when bf arrives and go somewhere else.

OP here, I agree with this. Which is why I told her, he can't come in the first 6 months. I think if things are not going well it would be obvious that bf can't visit and I have not problem telling her that.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to think I'm quite open minded and flexible. However, the boy friend situation is something I do not want to deal with. Get an airbb. Make time to see eachother during vacation time. This is an adventure au pairs take for ONE year.... do your work, have fun and finish the year. Why invite a boy friend to your "job" - of course au pairs become like family but at the core of it, this is a 25K ordeal I pay and I'd like some professionalism attached to it. I tell this to my au pairs up front. I live in a small house, kids are the outmost priority, see your boy friend when the family is on vacation. Yes - if the family is not home, he can stay at our place during vacation.

[Anonymous]

I think the fact she asked you and asked you pre-match no less is a great sign actually. 1 week out of the whole year? I’d have no problem at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to think I'm quite open minded and flexible. However, the boy friend situation is something I do not want to deal with. Get an airbb. Make time to see eachother during vacation time. This is an adventure au pairs take for ONE year.... do your work, have fun and finish the year. Why invite a boy friend to your "job" - of course au pairs become like family but at the core of it, this is a 25K ordeal I pay and I'd like some professionalism attached to it. I tell this to my au pairs up front. I live in a small house, kids are the outmost priority, see your boy friend when the family is on vacation. Yes - if the family is not home, he can stay at our place during vacation.

Because it’s not just her “job” it’s also her HOME for the duration of the program.


You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to but she is definitely not wrong for asking if someone she cares about can visit her where she lives.