Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny

[Anonymous]

I am shocked the nanny is not paid when she dad cancels. How does she live?

I am a personal trainer and i charge the full fee if my clients cancel on me with less than 24 hours notice. They know this up front. It rarely happens.

My spouse is a therapist and she also charges the full fee for less than 24 hours notice. Rarely happens.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the nanny is being taken advantage of big time,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

You read waaaaaay too much into this. Makes me wonder if you’re the OP replying to yourself to sway answers. He doesn’t need after care and a kid shouldn’t have to be at school longer than necessary or with hired help if the DAD can be around. Him spending money on the girlfriend is completely irrelevant. Who thinks a man is a “bad father” for not using after school programs because he can be around himself? The child is 8 not a toddler that can’t get a juice from the fridge themselves. Op just wants to trash the husband due to a bitter divorce and because he has a gf. They both have put this nanny through hell but the nanny should’ve moved on. Who gets migraines over this and keeps doing it instead of updating their resume?

Not the OP. Admittedly I have seen some similar situations play out repeatedly with friends and family members after a divorce. If Dad were actually picking the kid up and spending time with him that would be great, but according to OP, he works from home. So instead of having a dedicated adult who can help with homework, ask about his day, take him to the park after school, etc., the kid is just sitting at home alone while dad works in another room. Given that this started recently, and it sounds like this is dad’s first GF post-divorce, my guess is that he is realizing that childcare is expensive and courtship is expensive and he is prioritizing.

[Anonymous]

In your post you say this is a casual relationship. Child is 8 and doesn't need full-time care at Dad's as Dad is choosing to take care of him. Isn't that a good think Dad takes care of him vs. dumping him on a babysitter during his time. He is not causing migraines. If this were a formal arrangement then yes, she should be upset, but not over a casual one. An 8 year old is ok in the home with a parent, even if Dad is working if he gets him from school, gives him a snack and homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

You read waaaaaay too much into this. Makes me wonder if you’re the OP replying to yourself to sway answers. He doesn’t need after care and a kid shouldn’t have to be at school longer than necessary or with hired help if the DAD can be around. Him spending money on the girlfriend is completely irrelevant. Who thinks a man is a “bad father” for not using after school programs because he can be around himself? The child is 8 not a toddler that can’t get a juice from the fridge themselves. Op just wants to trash the husband due to a bitter divorce and because he has a gf. They both have put this nanny through hell but the nanny should’ve moved on. Who gets migraines over this and keeps doing it instead of updating their resume?

Not the OP. Admittedly I have seen some similar situations play out repeatedly with friends and family members after a divorce. If Dad were actually picking the kid up and spending time with him that would be great, but according to OP, he works from home. So instead of having a dedicated adult who can help with homework, ask about his day, take him to the park after school, etc., the kid is just sitting at home alone while dad works in another room. Given that this started recently, and it sounds like this is dad’s first GF post-divorce, my guess is that he is realizing that childcare is expensive and courtship is expensive and he is prioritizing.

Child is 8, not two. Child can ask Dad for homework help when needed and most 8 years olds don't need dedicated homework help and if yes, they need a tutor. That's absurd to say that kid needs to go to the park every day after school.

Maybe between child support and a separate home Dad cannot afford it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked the nanny is not paid when she dad cancels. How does she live?

I am a personal trainer and i charge the full fee if my clients cancel on me with less than 24 hours notice. They know this up front. It rarely happens.

My spouse is a therapist and she also charges the full fee for less than 24 hours notice. Rarely happens.

Nanny needs a full time job. OP said its a casual arrangement not a formal one like you have. This is an 8 year old and few kids need life long nannies.

[Anonymous]

Sure OP said this arrangement has been going on for years?
If the nanny has stuck by them through a separation, been a loyal employee and done her best by this family, the least she deserves is a straight answer. Its irrelevant whether this job is casual, 40 hours or 1 hour. This woman is not being treated right and deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

You read waaaaaay too much into this. Makes me wonder if you’re the OP replying to yourself to sway answers. He doesn’t need after care and a kid shouldn’t have to be at school longer than necessary or with hired help if the DAD can be around. Him spending money on the girlfriend is completely irrelevant. Who thinks a man is a “bad father” for not using after school programs because he can be around himself? The child is 8 not a toddler that can’t get a juice from the fridge themselves. Op just wants to trash the husband due to a bitter divorce and because he has a gf. They both have put this nanny through hell but the nanny should’ve moved on. Who gets migraines over this and keeps doing it instead of updating their resume?

Not the OP. Admittedly I have seen some similar situations play out repeatedly with friends and family members after a divorce. If Dad were actually picking the kid up and spending time with him that would be great, but according to OP, he works from home. So instead of having a dedicated adult who can help with homework, ask about his day, take him to the park after school, etc., the kid is just sitting at home alone while dad works in another room. Given that this started recently, and it sounds like this is dad’s first GF post-divorce, my guess is that he is realizing that childcare is expensive and courtship is expensive and he is prioritizing.

Child is 8, not two. Child can ask Dad for homework help when needed and most 8 years olds don't need dedicated homework help and if yes, they need a tutor. That's absurd to say that kid needs to go to the park every day after school.

Maybe between child support and a separate home Dad cannot afford it either.

I never said that the child needed someone there. I was calling out the person claiming that this is all going to be special father-son bonding time. It’s not. Dad has decided to go from having a beloved nanny to kid being a latchkey kid. It is slightly better because at least dad is on the premises, but if he is still working for several hours after DS arrives then the kid is just sitting around bored. That’s not terrible parenting but it’s not the beat thing for the kid either. And the fact that dad suddenly decides he can’t afford the nanny right after he gets a girlfriend is pretty suspicious to me.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you PP.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but why does an 8 years old need a full time nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

You read waaaaaay too much into this. Makes me wonder if you’re the OP replying to yourself to sway answers. He doesn’t need after care and a kid shouldn’t have to be at school longer than necessary or with hired help if the DAD can be around. Him spending money on the girlfriend is completely irrelevant. Who thinks a man is a “bad father” for not using after school programs because he can be around himself? The child is 8 not a toddler that can’t get a juice from the fridge themselves. Op just wants to trash the husband due to a bitter divorce and because he has a gf. They both have put this nanny through hell but the nanny should’ve moved on. Who gets migraines over this and keeps doing it instead of updating their resume?

Not the OP. Admittedly I have seen some similar situations play out repeatedly with friends and family members after a divorce. If Dad were actually picking the kid up and spending time with him that would be great, but according to OP, he works from home. So instead of having a dedicated adult who can help with homework, ask about his day, take him to the park after school, etc., the kid is just sitting at home alone while dad works in another room. Given that this started recently, and it sounds like this is dad’s first GF post-divorce, my guess is that he is realizing that childcare is expensive and courtship is expensive and he is prioritizing.

Child is 8, not two. Child can ask Dad for homework help when needed and most 8 years olds don't need dedicated homework help and if yes, they need a tutor. That's absurd to say that kid needs to go to the park every day after school.

Maybe between child support and a separate home Dad cannot afford it either.

I never said that the child needed someone there. I was calling out the person claiming that this is all going to be special father-son bonding time. It’s not. Dad has decided to go from having a beloved nanny to kid being a latchkey kid. It is slightly better because at least dad is on the premises, but if he is still working for several hours after DS arrives then the kid is just sitting around bored. That’s not terrible parenting but it’s not the beat thing for the kid either. And the fact that dad suddenly decides he can’t afford the nanny right after he gets a girlfriend is pretty suspicious to me.

An 8 year old does not need a nanny if a parent is in the house. Sounds like a jealous mom. Dad can flex his schedule. Most 8 year olds aren't going to the park every day and Dad can do homework with the child and all the other parenting. He probably gets limited time and a good parent would spend the time with the child rather than dump child on a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but why does an 8 years old need a full time nanny?

To prevent Dad from spending time with the child so mom can go to court claiming Dad is not parenting on his time and just having a nanny watch him.

[Anonymous]

Put it in the divorce agreement..nanny X number of hours a week to be paid jointly unless both parities otherwise agree. I have something along those lines so my ex pays whether he uses the nanny or not.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP.
Casual or not, this woman has dedicated herself to this family for years through what sounds like a difficult situation. Doesn't sound like her loyalty and respect has been returned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.

You read waaaaaay too much into this. Makes me wonder if you’re the OP replying to yourself to sway answers. He doesn’t need after care and a kid shouldn’t have to be at school longer than necessary or with hired help if the DAD can be around. Him spending money on the girlfriend is completely irrelevant. Who thinks a man is a “bad father” for not using after school programs because he can be around himself? The child is 8 not a toddler that can’t get a juice from the fridge themselves. Op just wants to trash the husband due to a bitter divorce and because he has a gf. They both have put this nanny through hell but the nanny should’ve moved on. Who gets migraines over this and keeps doing it instead of updating their resume?

Not the OP. Admittedly I have seen some similar situations play out repeatedly with friends and family members after a divorce. If Dad were actually picking the kid up and spending time with him that would be great, but according to OP, he works from home. So instead of having a dedicated adult who can help with homework, ask about his day, take him to the park after school, etc., the kid is just sitting at home alone while dad works in another room. Given that this started recently, and it sounds like this is dad’s first GF post-divorce, my guess is that he is realizing that childcare is expensive and courtship is expensive and he is prioritizing.

Child is 8, not two. Child can ask Dad for homework help when needed and most 8 years olds don't need dedicated homework help and if yes, they need a tutor. That's absurd to say that kid needs to go to the park every day after school.

Maybe between child support and a separate home Dad cannot afford it either.

I never said that the child needed someone there. I was calling out the person claiming that this is all going to be special father-son bonding time. It’s not. Dad has decided to go from having a beloved nanny to kid being a latchkey kid. It is slightly better because at least dad is on the premises, but if he is still working for several hours after DS arrives then the kid is just sitting around bored. That’s not terrible parenting but it’s not the beat thing for the kid either. And the fact that dad suddenly decides he can’t afford the nanny right after he gets a girlfriend is pretty suspicious to me.

This is trying to justify your job. Child is 8. We have a child that age and my spouse works at home sometimes. It is easy to get a snack and do homework with parent helping. Our child has a desk in the same room as the parents desk. They are not bored sitting around. How do you think parents manage 24/7 when a babysitter is not there? Just fine. No reason why Dad cannot parent his child. And, if girlfriend is there, fine.

This is a casual relationship according to OP. If the woman needs consistent hours she needs to get a different job. Kids age out of needing after school care.

You clearly are not a parent if you cannot manage a child and get other things done with an older child.