Gone every night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you for sharing your experience!

I expected that our Au Pair would be gone more than she is home for sure and there are days that I actually kind of like having the house to ourselves but the idea of a shared family dinner once or twice a week was exactly what we were hoping for. We are normally home by 5:30 on weekdays and then I cook most nights. I was really hoping we would all bond and have this amazing cultural exchange experience... ? now I am thinking that isn't the norm from what I have read. Do you think it is mainly the family not being willing to bond normally or the Au Pair. I am just wondering if we find another Au Pair next year, will it always be this difficult?

How old is your au pair? We've had 3 au pairs and 2 of them had dinner with us almost every weeknight and the other had dinner with us, on average 2-3 times per week. All of au pairs have been gap year Europeans. I think the younger au pairs are more likely to be looking for the whole family experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you for sharing your experience!

I expected that our Au Pair would be gone more than she is home for sure and there are days that I actually kind of like having the house to ourselves but the idea of a shared family dinner once or twice a week was exactly what we were hoping for. We are normally home by 5:30 on weekdays and then I cook most nights. I was really hoping we would all bond and have this amazing cultural exchange experience... ? now I am thinking that isn't the norm from what I have read. Do you think it is mainly the family not being willing to bond normally or the Au Pair. I am just wondering if we find another Au Pair next year, will it always be this difficult?

How old is your au pair? We've had 3 au pairs and 2 of them had dinner with us almost every weeknight and the other had dinner with us, on average 2-3 times per week. All of au pairs have been gap year Europeans. I think the younger au pairs are more likely to be looking for the whole family experience.

I agree. PP here and we decided not to match with a 19-year-old German because she really wanted the whole family dinner experience. You can definitely find APs interested in that.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT EXTEND.

[Anonymous]

You not extending doesn’t mean she has to go home. Sounds like she’d be a great AP for us.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a curfew but I will call them out if they are out late, and clearly tired/hungover/cranky with the kids. It is a performance issue. Frame it that way?

How does she get where she needs to be each night? If you provide her a car, that is very very generous to let her do this every night.

[Anonymous]

We don't have a curfew, but the car does, and AP can't drive if she hasn't been in the house 8 hours before her shift . If she can't drive my kids safely, she can't work for me. No way would I let an AP who was out all night drive my kids anywhere.
You are paying for her visa to be here, and your house is not a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have a curfew, but the car does, and AP can't drive if she hasn't been in the house 8 hours before her shift . If she can't drive my kids safely, she can't work for me. No way would I let an AP who was out all night drive my kids anywhere.
You are paying for her visa to be here, and your house is not a hotel.

No, families do not pay for a visa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have a curfew, but the car does, and AP can't drive if she hasn't been in the house 8 hours before her shift . If she can't drive my kids safely, she can't work for me. No way would I let an AP who was out all night drive my kids anywhere.
You are paying for her visa to be here, and your house is not a hotel.

No, families do not pay for a visa.

Not PP, but technically HF pays agency fees that cover the costs of obtaining a VISA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't have a curfew, but the car does, and AP can't drive if she hasn't been in the house 8 hours before her shift . If she can't drive my kids safely, she can't work for me. No way would I let an AP who was out all night drive my kids anywhere.
You are paying for her visa to be here, and your house is not a hotel.

No, families do not pay for a visa.

Not PP, but technically HF pays agency fees that cover the costs of obtaining a VISA.

Au pairs also pay a fee well in excess of the cost of the visa.

[Anonymous]

This sounds very typical to me. This is your first au pair, but it is best when AP is out at night with her friends and not just hanging out at your house bored all the time. I wouldn't feel bad about not extending, we don't extend with any of our au pairs, and I know others feel the same way and don't extend either. Honestly it gets old for an AP after 1 year, let alone 2 years with the same family in the same house watching the same kids. Everyone needs something new.

[Anonymous]

Better than having a homebody who is ALWAYS home (like mine). I understand you wanted a person who was part of the family, but frankly after two back to back homebodies (not intentional), I would scream for someone more independent!!!

Do you have a set schedule or does it change often?
I would have a weekly schedule meeting to go over it so it's clear to everyone.

Mine is pretty stable week by week, but if I know of a change, I'm sure to give as much notice as possible.

You could give her a curfew, but that doesn't guarantee she gets enough sleep. My older son gets up at 6am and younger by 7:30. I do the early shift (it works better for my schedule to get to work) and she does the later one. I don't have a curfew. I tell her I expect her to be an adult and know how much sleep she needs, and if it becomes a problem, we'll have to adjust privileges.

[Anonymous]

PP here.

And my present homebody never spends time with us as a family, so being home DOES NOT EQUAL part of the family.