AP Complaining About "Messy House"

[Anonymous]

Make a chore list for every transition - wipe the table and vacuum the kitchen rug after every meal. And schedule 30 min to an hour somewhere durning her day where she is off duty IF those things are all done. She'll shape up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I schedule this for our AP. I do tell her she doesn't have to spend that EXACT time I put on the schedule doing the things listed (I specify picking up kid rooms, picking up kid playroom and doing kid laundry) but I put an hour for each and set expectation that as of Friday evening when I get home it all needs to have been done for the week...

If it’s as bad as OP says, I’d be setting an hour per day, that way there would be zero excuses on Friday night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Cluttered is usually a disaster and yes, dirty.

However! It’s your APs responsibility to clean up if she doesn’t want to encourage the kids to clean up.

I completely disagree. I am the previous poster who mentioned a ‘typical American home, messy from the work/school week hustle. My house during the week has its typical clutter - school papers that need to be signed, a musical instrument, whatever, but I would never say that it was dirty or nasty. If it’s at that level, that’s is not your AP’s responsibility. Come on people, we are all adults here. We should know the difference between what’s acceptable clutter from raising kids vs. what’s excessive clutter and nasty. As the parents, you guys still need to carve time in your own household to make sure that you are keeping it at a decent level.

We have different definitions of cluttered. I would not consider that to be cluttered. When I imagine clutter I imagine https://goo.gl/images/XaHrJE

That’s early hoarding, not clutter.

[Anonymous]

OP, have a talk with the kids AND the Au Pair.
Remind everybody that the kids are to pick up the toys and that the Au Pair will make sure it's done.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to say it, but it sounds like she might be setting you up for a rematch. While I agree, there are levels of "acceptable" clutter, there seems to be a list of "acceptable reasons for rematch that will get you sent to another family but not home" and "the house is just so messy I can't stand it" seems to be on that list.

As a host family looking for a rematch candidate, wouldn't that seem like an ideal AP? She'd be neat and clean....

Plus, it's so subjective. How can the LCC say what is an acceptable level of clutter to make someone live with?

While I agree that having the AP make the kids clean up and finish the project if they don't is ideal, I'd start mentally preparing for the next shoe to drop - especially if she can (in her mind) trace any of the "mess" to have happened outside her shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say it, but it sounds like she might be setting you up for a rematch. While I agree, there are levels of "acceptable" clutter, there seems to be a list of "acceptable reasons for rematch that will get you sent to another family but not home" and "the house is just so messy I can't stand it" seems to be on that list.

As a host family looking for a rematch candidate, wouldn't that seem like an ideal AP? She'd be neat and clean....

Plus, it's so subjective. How can the LCC say what is an acceptable level of clutter to make someone live with?

While I agree that having the AP make the kids clean up and finish the project if they don't is ideal, I'd start mentally preparing for the next shoe to drop - especially if she can (in her mind) trace any of the "mess" to have happened outside her shift.

I unfortunately agree. We have hosted over a decade and watched many of APs' friends rematch over the years. Here are the things they complained about to get their rematches approved:

1) The house is too messy
2) There isn't enough food
3) The child hit/kicked/yelled at me

All three will make them look good in rematch and inspire pity from new families, and it's hard for an agency to argue with any of them.

Hope this is not the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say it, but it sounds like she might be setting you up for a rematch. While I agree, there are levels of "acceptable" clutter, there seems to be a list of "acceptable reasons for rematch that will get you sent to another family but not home" and "the house is just so messy I can't stand it" seems to be on that list.

As a host family looking for a rematch candidate, wouldn't that seem like an ideal AP? She'd be neat and clean....

Plus, it's so subjective. How can the LCC say what is an acceptable level of clutter to make someone live with?

While I agree that having the AP make the kids clean up and finish the project if they don't is ideal, I'd start mentally preparing for the next shoe to drop - especially if she can (in her mind) trace any of the "mess" to have happened outside her shift.

I unfortunately agree. We have hosted over a decade and watched many of APs' friends rematch over the years. Here are the things they complained about to get their rematches approved:

1) The house is too messy
2) There isn't enough food
3) The child hit/kicked/yelled at me

All three will make them look good in rematch and inspire pity from new families, and it's hard for an agency to argue with any of them.

Hope this is not the case here.

4) They kept switching hours at the last minute.
5) They made me work more than 10 hours in a day/45 hours in a week.
6) They made me take care of the pets, plants, garden, lawn, housekeeping (etc).

Yep, if true, they’re valid reasons to rematch. However, it’s hard for an LCC to know it’s true, if the family says it didn’t happen. Because those are serious breaches of the rules, they usually err on the side of the AP’s story, and if the same thing comes up again, the family may be barred from getting another AP. In cases where the AP is reporting the truth, the second AP walks into a shitstorm. In your case, it means that the AP may rematch, but you won’t be barred from the program unless it happens again.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you invite your LCC to come by and see for themselves? Might as well as them to do some work and help with your complaining AP.

[Anonymous]

Oh, dear lord. It's her JOB to help the kids clean up after themselves, or to clean up after the kids. Pretty chutzpadik to not do her job and then complain about you not doing it. Yes, absolutely schedule her for cleaning time. She should also clean if she works while they are sleeping or otherwise occupied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our AP has started making comments about how messy our house is. Mind you, we have cleaners come every Monday so we start the week tidy and things deteriorate rapidly with 3 kids. So first of all, I feel like our house is cluttered but not "dirty" as it gets a 4 hour scrub every week but secondly this year is by far the most cluttered our house has been because she doesn't make the kids clean up between activities (yes, we've asked and reminded and told her that her shift isn't over until things are picked up but there is always some excuse AND I don't want her to do it, I want her to have the kids do it like we do on the weekend). By the time Friday hits our house is a disaster and I spend Friday night putting shit away so that I don't go crazy all weekend.

Has anyone scheduled their AP for an hour of kid shit tidying per day (either while they are at school or after she is off shift?) I would prefer my kids clean up their own messes with her oversight but that's not happening and she's the one complaining. This feels like the only thing we haven't tried....

Let her know that her comments about the house being messy brought to your attention that she is not doing job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make a chore list for every transition - wipe the table and vacuum the kitchen rug after every meal. And schedule 30 min to an hour somewhere durning her day where she is off duty IF those things are all done. She'll shape up.

Kitchen rug?! Who has a rug in the kitchen? That just makes it harder to clean up.

[Anonymous]

I've sometimes had success turning cleaning into almost a competition against mom and dad, whoever comes home first. What if you made a checklist (not crazy long, maybe 6-7 things) and every night keep score with the kids of how many areas or tasks they can get checked off. This works best if they have some free time in the 1/2 hour before you get home, but could still work regardless. At the end of the week they get a prize (movie, extra half hour up for being mature about keeping care of their space, really depends on the age of your kids.) I think you can very honestly frame to the Au Pair that as an adult in the house and the one who spends the majority of the time there presumably causing clutter with your kids she gets to take a leadership role in helping things change.

[Anonymous]

The AP should absolutely tackle this.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather teach my kids to clean up after themselves than pay and have someone who does these things for them. They don't need a slave and I don't want my kids to be entitled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Cluttered is usually a disaster and yes, dirty.

However! It’s your APs responsibility to clean up if she doesn’t want to encourage the kids to clean up.

I completely disagree. I am the previous poster who mentioned a ‘typical American home, messy from the work/school week hustle. My house during the week has its typical clutter - school papers that need to be signed, a musical instrument, whatever, but I would never say that it was dirty or nasty. If it’s at that level, that’s is not your AP’s responsibility. Come on people, we are all adults here. We should know the difference between what’s acceptable clutter from raising kids vs. what’s excessive clutter and nasty. As the parents, you guys still need to carve time in your own household to make sure that you are keeping it at a decent level.

We have different definitions of cluttered. I would not consider that to be cluttered. When I imagine clutter I imagine https://goo.gl/images/XaHrJE

Thats a nasty slob and would definitely get you posted to a social media for public shaming.