Advice for matching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult = stuff like recognizing that hair in the shower drain will clog eventually and actually using the catcher/emptying it rather than simply removing it out of short term convenience.
Immature 19yo has never had to clean up after themselves in a meaningful way and whines 3 months later that the shower doesn’t drain after it’s reached a crisis level. Also likes to blow dry hair and never notices stray hairs grossly stuck to the walls.

Seriously though. The awareness and ability to clean up after yourself is much better in a slightly older candidate who has lived independently before...

OP here and even a mature girl might not care about hair on the walls, but the drain thing, exactly. Solving her own problems like changing a lightbulb when it blows out, at least having an understanding of what maintenance issues her car might have and mentioning them to us, emptying the lint catch in the washer if it's not drying her clothes (my current AP said when she got here she's never done her own laundry; it never occurred to me to ask because I did mine starting at 11...).

I get that there might be APs who don't need help with this, and there might be older APs who suck at adulthood, but I'm just trying to improve my odds here.

PP. We tell APs they are responsible for cleaning the hall bath because only AP and kids use it. There's a detailed checklist that can be summed up as: bleach wipe every possible surface or spray it with cleaner once a week. Time expected for chore is about 15 minutes a week.

We basically use this as a test case to see if an AP is too much of a princess and comes back to say they should not be responsible for cleaning bathrooms (which has happened). If you're too afraid to bleach wipe a little pee from random bathroom surfaces (little boys totally miss at times), then you're not mature enough for the job in our household.

Do we hover and make sure the bathroom is sanitized every week by AP? No. But it's just enough that we've gotten 2 APs who aren't afraid of cleaning or totally don't see any mess (our AP before that).

Look, I have maid service twice a week. I don't need AP to clean any bathroom, ever. But I also don't want to have to draft a checklist for my AP. I want an adult who can look around herself and see what she should do, as an adult member of a household.

[Anonymous]

OP, try weaving in questions during interview process pertaining to these situations: what would you do if your light bulb goes out? if your drain clogs with hair? if there is a pool of water under the sink?
Improving the odds based on age, single parent, living on their own seems much riskier. If someone was that mature and independent, would they adjust well to living with a family?
I've had similar frustrations, and it's magnified after hosting "the perfect" AP for your family. You won't have that kind of luck again, but if you adjust your standards, you might have a good enough year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, try weaving in questions during interview process pertaining to these situations: what would you do if your light bulb goes out? if your drain clogs with hair? if there is a pool of water under the sink?
Improving the odds based on age, single parent, living on their own seems much riskier. If someone was that mature and independent, would they adjust well to living with a family?
I've had similar frustrations, and it's magnified after hosting "the perfect" AP for your family. You won't have that kind of luck again, but if you adjust your standards, you might have a good enough year.

My problem right now, though, is I can't even get older candidates to the interview stage, so I need to somehow present better. Maybe I need better photos?

[Anonymous]

This is dismaying because we're about to start working on our next match, way early, after consciously lowering our standards last time after multiple rejections, and getting someone disappointing. Like OP, we screen for older and independent because we want someone who can take care of themself pretty well.

OP, what agency are you with? Cultural Care was having problems last summer with their new match system, which transferred a lot of process control away from families and made families frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is dismaying because we're about to start working on our next match, way early, after consciously lowering our standards last time after multiple rejections, and getting someone disappointing. Like OP, we screen for older and independent because we want someone who can take care of themself pretty well.

OP, what agency are you with? Cultural Care was having problems last summer with their new match system, which transferred a lot of process control away from families and made families frustrated.

We used both APIA and CC but finally found an AP thru APIA. I wish you the best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult = stuff like recognizing that hair in the shower drain will clog eventually and actually using the catcher/emptying it rather than simply removing it out of short term convenience.
Immature 19yo has never had to clean up after themselves in a meaningful way and whines 3 months later that the shower doesn’t drain after it’s reached a crisis level. Also likes to blow dry hair and never notices stray hairs grossly stuck to the walls.

Seriously though. The awareness and ability to clean up after yourself is much better in a slightly older candidate who has lived independently before...

OP here and even a mature girl might not care about hair on the walls, but the drain thing, exactly. Solving her own problems like changing a lightbulb when it blows out, at least having an understanding of what maintenance issues her car might have and mentioning them to us, emptying the lint catch in the washer if it's not drying her clothes (my current AP said when she got here she's never done her own laundry; it never occurred to me to ask because I did mine starting at 11...).

I get that there might be APs who don't need help with this, and there might be older APs who suck at adulthood, but I'm just trying to improve my odds here.

PP. We tell APs they are responsible for cleaning the hall bath because only AP and kids use it. There's a detailed checklist that can be summed up as: bleach wipe every possible surface or spray it with cleaner once a week. Time expected for chore is about 15 minutes a week.

We basically use this as a test case to see if an AP is too much of a princess and comes back to say they should not be responsible for cleaning bathrooms (which has happened). If you're too afraid to bleach wipe a little pee from random bathroom surfaces (little boys totally miss at times), then you're not mature enough for the job in our household.

Do we hover and make sure the bathroom is sanitized every week by AP? No. But it's just enough that we've gotten 2 APs who aren't afraid of cleaning or totally don't see any mess (our AP before that).

Look, I have maid service twice a week. I don't need AP to clean any bathroom, ever. But I also don't want to have to draft a checklist for my AP. I want an adult who can look around herself and see what she should do, as an adult member of a household.

APs failed badly when there was no checklist. "Clean up after yourself" was completely insufficient in an otherwise pretty good AP. So, we do have checklists of things we shouldn't to illustrate expectations clearly--stuff like you're an adult and we expect you to keep your room clean so "clean" means that you will sweep/vacuum your floor regularly (which we define as about every other week), wash your sheets, do your own personal laundry, take out your trash, etc.

Yes, it's ironic to want an "adult" who knows what clean means. But we've also established that "common sense" is not common. Clearly defining these terms prevents misunderstandings and slobs for our household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult = stuff like recognizing that hair in the shower drain will clog eventually and actually using the catcher/emptying it rather than simply removing it out of short term convenience.
Immature 19yo has never had to clean up after themselves in a meaningful way and whines 3 months later that the shower doesn’t drain after it’s reached a crisis level. Also likes to blow dry hair and never notices stray hairs grossly stuck to the walls.

Seriously though. The awareness and ability to clean up after yourself is much better in a slightly older candidate who has lived independently before...

OP here and even a mature girl might not care about hair on the walls, but the drain thing, exactly. Solving her own problems like changing a lightbulb when it blows out, at least having an understanding of what maintenance issues her car might have and mentioning them to us, emptying the lint catch in the washer if it's not drying her clothes (my current AP said when she got here she's never done her own laundry; it never occurred to me to ask because I did mine starting at 11...).

I get that there might be APs who don't need help with this, and there might be older APs who suck at adulthood, but I'm just trying to improve my odds here.

PP. We tell APs they are responsible for cleaning the hall bath because only AP and kids use it. There's a detailed checklist that can be summed up as: bleach wipe every possible surface or spray it with cleaner once a week. Time expected for chore is about 15 minutes a week.

We basically use this as a test case to see if an AP is too much of a princess and comes back to say they should not be responsible for cleaning bathrooms (which has happened). If you're too afraid to bleach wipe a little pee from random bathroom surfaces (little boys totally miss at times), then you're not mature enough for the job in our household.

Do we hover and make sure the bathroom is sanitized every week by AP? No. But it's just enough that we've gotten 2 APs who aren't afraid of cleaning or totally don't see any mess (our AP before that).

Look, I have maid service twice a week. I don't need AP to clean any bathroom, ever. But I also don't want to have to draft a checklist for my AP. I want an adult who can look around herself and see what she should do, as an adult member of a household.

APs failed badly when there was no checklist. "Clean up after yourself" was completely insufficient in an otherwise pretty good AP. So, we do have checklists of things we shouldn't to illustrate expectations clearly--stuff like you're an adult and we expect you to keep your room clean so "clean" means that you will sweep/vacuum your floor regularly (which we define as about every other week), wash your sheets, do your own personal laundry, take out your trash, etc.

Yes, it's ironic to want an "adult" who knows what clean means. But we've also established that "common sense" is not common. Clearly defining these terms prevents misunderstandings and slobs for our household.

Well I suppose it's possible that you're right and I'm wrong that I could find an adult again who doesn't need checklists but making checklists is just not for me. And anyway, how do you make the rule, "be proactive and solve problems on your own"?

[Anonymous]

OP, it doesn't sound like Au Pair life is a good fit for you. Every time someone has made a suggestion on here, you've shot it down and argued that you want to do things your way and there's zero room for change. If I were an Au Pair, I'd run from your ad too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it doesn't sound like Au Pair life is a good fit for you. Every time someone has made a suggestion on here, you've shot it down and argued that you want to do things your way and there's zero room for change. If I were an Au Pair, I'd run from your ad too!

Where did someone give me advice about *how to attract a mature au pair* that I shot down? Instead, posters have tried to convince me I don't want what I want. But I do want what I want. And I hosted 2 years already, which was a great fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it doesn't sound like Au Pair life is a good fit for you. Every time someone has made a suggestion on here, you've shot it down and argued that you want to do things your way and there's zero room for change. If I were an Au Pair, I'd run from your ad too!

Where did someone give me advice about *how to attract a mature au pair* that I shot down? Instead, posters have tried to convince me I don't want what I want. But I do want what I want. And I hosted 2 years already, which was a great fit.

Do whatever you did to get a great AP then. Part of having a successful year is being willing to accept non-perfection in your AP because some of it is based on luck and attitude (yours and hers), and chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it doesn't sound like Au Pair life is a good fit for you. Every time someone has made a suggestion on here, you've shot it down and argued that you want to do things your way and there's zero room for change. If I were an Au Pair, I'd run from your ad too!

+1
You have shot down every suggestion. I hope you get lucky again, and somehow match with the perfect AP.

[Anonymous]

My advice after 8 Au Pairs with APIA: llook for Au pairs who have worked in Europe as an AP and now want to try the US. They know what it’s like to live in someone’s house and take care of their kids, and they didn’t hate it enough to say “never again”. In addition, the au pairs in Europe are not as well regulated as the Au pairs in the US, so my Au Pairs have come here and found the job to be a piece of cake by comparison.

Second piece of advice - trust your gut. If during the interview something about the Au pair sends up a red flag (even if you you can’t put your finger on why), don’t match.

[Anonymous]

I worked with CHI and there is no formula for matching. The LCC and I picked out some au pairs and I started interviewing them. It is a smaller agency with terrific personal support.