National Holidays

[Anonymous]

We don’t give holidays off. We actually schedule Thanksgiving to make the expectation clear for cultural exchange. Otherwise, we found out the hard way that AP holes up in her room all day and comes out for dinner, then asks later why the holiday is a big deal. So, instead, AP is expected to do Thanksgiving crafts with kids (if not a cook or baker) or contribute by making a dish from home.

Flame away about how cruel we are...

[Anonymous]

Our au pair has an extremely compact and fixed schedule, never evenings, never weekends. We wanted to take a trip over Thanksgiving. She doesn’t want to go, but that would mean that the Tue-Wed before when we are working remotely she would have off. We said that we may ask her to work some evenings or weekend hours that week to compensate a little or she could take vacation hours. She doesn’t want to use her vacation days because she wants to take a long spring break trip. She also doesn’t want to work evening or weekend hours. What to do?

[Anonymous]

You tell her which evenings/weekend hours you need. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has an extremely compact and fixed schedule, never evenings, never weekends. We wanted to take a trip over Thanksgiving. She doesn’t want to go, but that would mean that the Tue-Wed before when we are working remotely she would have off. We said that we may ask her to work some evenings or weekend hours that week to compensate a little or she could take vacation hours. She doesn’t want to use her vacation days because she wants to take a long spring break trip. She also doesn’t want to work evening or weekend hours. What to do?

How much notice did you give? Assuming at least a week how is she allowed to say no?
Unless she happens to have specific plans I guess, but the nice thing about the program is the flexibilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has an extremely compact and fixed schedule, never evenings, never weekends. We wanted to take a trip over Thanksgiving. She doesn’t want to go, but that would mean that the Tue-Wed before when we are working remotely she would have off. We said that we may ask her to work some evenings or weekend hours that week to compensate a little or she could take vacation hours. She doesn’t want to use her vacation days because she wants to take a long spring break trip. She also doesn’t want to work evening or weekend hours. What to do?

...don’t be so transactional is what to do. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her which evenings/weekend hours you need. Period.

But PP doesn’t need the hours, just wants to be made whole because AP is getting time off. What a dispicable attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has an extremely compact and fixed schedule, never evenings, never weekends. We wanted to take a trip over Thanksgiving. She doesn’t want to go, but that would mean that the Tue-Wed before when we are working remotely she would have off. We said that we may ask her to work some evenings or weekend hours that week to compensate a little or she could take vacation hours. She doesn’t want to use her vacation days because she wants to take a long spring break trip. She also doesn’t want to work evening or weekend hours. What to do?

Some agencies and LCCs have the attitude of you pick a week and AP picks a week. In this case, you could declare it your chosen week.

You could also make her come on the trip and work since you’ll be working remotely (what are the kids doing?) It’s nice to ask, but you really can make APs have work travel too.

[Anonymous]

Are you even ok with a long spring break trip? If not, crush her hopes now.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I do need the hours - I work 80 hours a week. If she could/would work evenings/weekend to makeup - I would be writing a brief. Not despicable attitude, just despicable job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I do need the hours - I work 80 hours a week. If she could/would work evenings/weekend to makeup - I would be writing a brief. Not despicable attitude, just despicable job.

I’m in biglaw too. Double biglaw household here actually. We both make it work every other week don’t we? If you don’t you have a structural problem and need a hell of a lot more than a few hours made up.

[Anonymous]

Well I am a high school teacher (Big Education to those who talk about Big Law) and i too work 80 hours per week many times a year. I wish I could hold parent/teacher/IEP/504/student conferences at home in the evenings! Some parents even want to meet at school at 4pm when I am supposed to be at home with my child. I have been at work since 7am.) So yes I do much of my work at home, returning calls from parents, and emails from just about everyone when I should be giving attention to myself and my child. My AP (I am a single mom of a 5 year old) does not work 80 hours week just like yours doesn't. Maybe we should let parents/clients know we have child care issues and lives of our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I am a high school teacher (Big Education to those who talk about Big Law) and i too work 80 hours per week many times a year. I wish I could hold parent/teacher/IEP/504/student conferences at home in the evenings! Some parents even want to meet at school at 4pm when I am supposed to be at home with my child. I have been at work since 7am.) So yes I do much of my work at home, returning calls from parents, and emails from just about everyone when I should be giving attention to myself and my child. My AP (I am a single mom of a 5 year old) does not work 80 hours week just like yours doesn't. Maybe we should let parents/clients know we have child care issues and lives of our own.

Ha! I’m that would go over really well with your principal!

Au pairs have a 10/day or 45/week maximum, from Sunday-Saturday. If she won’t go away “early” for Thanksgiving and you can’t squeeze in more hours during the Friday-Saturday after Thanksgiving, she has the option of taking vacation days. Working holidays are very common in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is that she gets the days off where both parents have the day off.

We have the same (household) rule, mostly. We do, however, schedule them for family holidays we want them around for. As an AP in our family we want you to be there for opening presents, Christmas breakfast, Christmas dinner etc. The program is supposed to be a cultural exchange, we do want our AP around for "cultural" activities. However, no matter what, we will not go over hours. Now, New Years? Have fun out with your friends. You want to spend Independence day with us? Great. You'd rather watch the fireworks with a friend? Also great.

If we want them around (either as part of the cultural exchange or to watch the kids while we are running around), we schedule them (I try not to host for Thanksgiving but if we do they may have to work a few hours in the morning and I would appreciate if they wanted to spend the day with us). We have made the experience that if we communicate why we schedule them for a certain day/time they usually understand. We also disclose at matching that we expect some involvement in our family life which includes being with us on certain holidays. (We also schedule them for the kids' birthdays. We'd love for them to join us just because but we do want them around so we schedule them)

[Anonymous]

I don't schedule AP to work when it is a cultural exchange. If she wants to join in and partake in the cultural exchange, she's always welcome but I am not going to schedule her for it. She should join because she genuinely wants to, not because we are making her do it by counting it as work hours. I don't want someone around who rather not join on her own for festivities and holiday activities with us. I don't need to force it on anyone. If they don't care about cultural exchange, why should I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is that she gets the days off where both parents have the day off.

We have the same (household) rule, mostly. We do, however, schedule them for family holidays we want them around for. As an AP in our family we want you to be there for opening presents, Christmas breakfast, Christmas dinner etc. The program is supposed to be a cultural exchange, we do want our AP around for "cultural" activities. However, no matter what, we will not go over hours. Now, New Years? Have fun out with your friends. You want to spend Independence day with us? Great. You'd rather watch the fireworks with a friend? Also great.

If we want them around (either as part of the cultural exchange or to watch the kids while we are running around), we schedule them (I try not to host for Thanksgiving but if we do they may have to work a few hours in the morning and I would appreciate if they wanted to spend the day with us). We have made the experience that if we communicate why we schedule them for a certain day/time they usually understand. We also disclose at matching that we expect some involvement in our family life which includes being with us on certain holidays. (We also schedule them for the kids' birthdays. We'd love for them to join us just because but we do want them around so we schedule them)

We love our APs and we include them in family activities, such as birthday parties, holidays, etc. But, it's an offer to be part of our family, not a compulsion. If the AP would rather spend Christmas with her friends, she is welcome to do so. We do not force her to be part of our family by scheduling her to be on duty on Christmas morning.