Kids like her but I don't

[Anonymous]

I am the PP with the son and kindle.

My son IS old enough to empty his lunch box and grab his own kindle and it is part of his chores. Dynamically they visit their dad in another house 2-3 days a week without both and return late at night. Since that is the case, and the AP returns home without said kid but with the items in question, I have asked her to bring them in from her car to have the kid retrieve them (the kindle to upstairs and the lunchbox cold packs to the freezer). She still doesn’t. She leaves them in her locked car. So then, we have to find keys to unlock and grab the stuff, or wait until she arrives home later that night from being out vs if she had just taken them out in the first place.

The nights / days they don’t visit dad, they do empty the lunchbox but the kindle is almost always forgotten.

I resent it the comment that I treat my AP as a slave or the like. This is her job and I have asked her to help and she has said yes, so I don’t think I am asking for a big reach here. Just a little help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP with the son and kindle.

My son IS old enough to empty his lunch box and grab his own kindle and it is part of his chores. Dynamically they visit their dad in another house 2-3 days a week without both and return late at night. Since that is the case, and the AP returns home without said kid but with the items in question, I have asked her to bring them in from her car to have the kid retrieve them (the kindle to upstairs and the lunchbox cold packs to the freezer). She still doesn’t. She leaves them in her locked car. So then, we have to find keys to unlock and grab the stuff, or wait until she arrives home later that night from being out vs if she had just taken them out in the first place.

The nights / days they don’t visit dad, they do empty the lunchbox but the kindle is almost always forgotten.

I resent it the comment that I treat my AP as a slave or the like. This is her job and I have asked her to help and she has said yes, so I don’t think I am asking for a big reach here. Just a little help.

PP, ignore the ridiculous post about treating her like a slave. There is one poster who has to put that nonsense on every post. My au pair is like yours and I’m so over it.

[Anonymous]

Kindles are cheap. Get them for each home.

[Anonymous]

May be a lost cause, but consider some specific morning/evening checklists to help her satisfy your needs better?

[Anonymous]

it's funny how when a hf is annoyed at their ap or wants more from them this is their "job", yet when they want to be paid hourly suddenly it isn't a job at all, just a fun exchange program with "some babysitting".

[Anonymous]

As HF, I would have far fewer issues with the program if I paid hourly, and someone else (AP or AP agency) paid for AP own separate housing, food, transportation, health insurance, vacations, cell phones, utilities, etc.
much easier...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's funny how when a hf is annoyed at their ap or wants more from them this is their "job", yet when they want to be paid hourly suddenly it isn't a job at all, just a fun exchange program with "some babysitting".

Ha ha ha, very funny.

[Anonymous]

as hf, if you feel that it would be easier to pay hourly and have your childcare provider pay for their own housing, food, transport, cell phone, etc, that way then why do you have an AP at all? why don't you just have a nanny? because that's actually a thing already-clearly the economic benefit of you paying her effectively $4 an hour is worth the extra hassle.

so many people with APs get defensive acting like they would love to pay their AP hourly but are so limited by the program's constraints. there is no reason to opt into the program if you fundamentally disagree with it! hire a nanny, move in with family, put them in daycare, or stay home with your own kids. or, don't have kids at all. no one forced you to do this so don't act like such a martyr for the cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:as hf, if you feel that it would be easier to pay hourly and have your childcare provider pay for their own housing, food, transport, cell phone, etc, that way then why do you have an AP at all? why don't you just have a nanny? because that's actually a thing already-clearly the economic benefit of you paying her effectively $4 an hour is worth the extra hassle.

so many people with APs get defensive acting like they would love to pay their AP hourly but are so limited by the program's constraints. there is no reason to opt into the program if you fundamentally disagree with it! hire a nanny, move in with family, put them in daycare, or stay home with your own kids. or, don't have kids at all. no one forced you to do this so don't act like such a martyr for the cause.

Huh? You’re not making any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:as hf, if you feel that it would be easier to pay hourly and have your childcare provider pay for their own housing, food, transport, cell phone, etc, that way then why do you have an AP at all? why don't you just have a nanny? because that's actually a thing already-clearly the economic benefit of you paying her effectively $4 an hour is worth the extra hassle.

so many people with APs get defensive acting like they would love to pay their AP hourly but are so limited by the program's constraints. there is no reason to opt into the program if you fundamentally disagree with it! hire a nanny, move in with family, put them in daycare, or stay home with your own kids. or, don't have kids at all. no one forced you to do this so don't act like such a martyr for the cause.

+1 bravo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:as hf, if you feel that it would be easier to pay hourly and have your childcare provider pay for their own housing, food, transport, cell phone, etc, that way then why do you have an AP at all? why don't you just have a nanny? because that's actually a thing already-clearly the economic benefit of you paying her effectively $4 an hour is worth the extra hassle.

so many people with APs get defensive acting like they would love to pay their AP hourly but are so limited by the program's constraints. there is no reason to opt into the program if you fundamentally disagree with it! hire a nanny, move in with family, put them in daycare, or stay home with your own kids. or, don't have kids at all. no one forced you to do this so don't act like such a martyr for the cause.

+1 bravo

Most au pairs do not get $4/hour. My AP works less than 20 hours a week, so it's more like $10/hour...plus room and board...plus gas...plus car insurance...plus all the extras. I have an AP because I have an only child and I love her having a "big sister" around, and believe it or not, I also like the cultural exchange.

[Anonymous]

Most au pairs do not get $4/hour. My AP works less than 20 hours a week, so it's more like $10/hour...plus room and board...plus gas...plus car insurance...plus all the extras. I have an AP because I have an only child and I love her having a "big sister" around, and believe it or not, I also like the cultural exchange.

Most Au pairs get 4$ per hour, have to pay for their food, phone since it's only for work usage, work 45h a week because job for hosts in DC/suburbs starts at 7-9 am till 3-5 pm (up to 40 h a week)+ commute time (around 30 minutes to 1h) they have montage 350.000 up to 450.000, 2 cars probably one on loan, the other one for the Au pair but is broken or in use, loan on school for kids, pet that needs to be walked out-yes the Au pair walks it out.On weekends they run shopping for half a day, have meeting at school, driving to the park 2 h out the city to walk there for hour. They have Au pair since their kid was an infant-always had Au pair in a house. These people probably are f****** tired that in their 40s have to share house with some foreigner because no one wants to do 'that job' and is so elastic/naive as an Au pair. Also that is why Au pair works when hosts have holidays-they want to be alone. I would believe in cultural idea if hosts wouldn't have loan on a house. In this case yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP with the son and kindle.

My son IS old enough to empty his lunch box and grab his own kindle and it is part of his chores. Dynamically they visit their dad in another house 2-3 days a week without both and return late at night. Since that is the case, and the AP returns home without said kid but with the items in question, I have asked her to bring them in from her car to have the kid retrieve them (the kindle to upstairs and the lunchbox cold packs to the freezer). She still doesn’t. She leaves them in her locked car. So then, we have to find keys to unlock and grab the stuff, or wait until she arrives home later that night from being out vs if she had just taken them out in the first place.

The nights / days they don’t visit dad, they do empty the lunchbox but the kindle is almost always forgotten.

I resent it the comment that I treat my AP as a slave or the like. This is her job and I have asked her to help and she has said yes, so I don’t think I am asking for a big reach here. Just a little help.

PP who questioned why a child old enough for a kindle wasn't responsible for it.

So, I completely agree with AP bringing things in when your child is with the other parent. However, if you make your child have a logical consequence, you child will learn to be more responsible when not with the other parent. Personally, I would suggest that if the Kindle doesn't come in WITH the child, child can do without, but only when the child was supposed to be responsible for it.

I would also start with a checklist for AP, and if that doesn't work, impose a consequence. If she's going to take a car with kids' things in it, she needs to learn to find other transportation, because inconveniencing the household doesn't work. Or she needs to go out to her car (at whatever time it's discovered) because her shift isn't over until the work is done, and she had plenty of time earlier to bring things in.

Good luck!