Nanny hosting a play-date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would never occur to me to stay and clean up. I wouldn't expect anyone else to, if I was hosting.

Its like dinners in our circle- hosts do meal prep and clean up. We take turns to host. No one minds.

Then expect to not get invited back that often. You have an unusual group if no one helps clean up after a play date ever.

In addition, it sounds like you have reciprocal events, where you can each benefit from the no-prep/no-clean rule. This woman has never hosted, but comes EVERY WEEK for this play date.

I guess we are unusual
Of course, if I'm at a play date/ party and I see others helping clean up, I will too....it would just not occur to me that it was expected
all I'm saying is, DC is full of a mix of people from different backgrounds and cultures. I wouldn't assume or label someone. If you want her to help, just ask her to help.

OP said that the other mothers help clean up.

But even in your unusual group, you would leave your kid's fingerpaintings on the table and not even ask your child to put the toy she had in her hand away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would never occur to me to stay and clean up. I wouldn't expect anyone else to, if I was hosting.

Its like dinners in our circle- hosts do meal prep and clean up. We take turns to host. No one minds.

It would never occur to me NOT to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would never occur to me to stay and clean up. I wouldn't expect anyone else to, if I was hosting.

Its like dinners in our circle- hosts do meal prep and clean up. We take turns to host. No one minds.

It would never occur to me NOT to help.

Oh, aren't you a peach (Barf)

[Anonymous]

^ Or a considerate human being? Mind you, I’m not the poster you quoted.

It’s just different situations. Outside of your group of friends that alternate hosting, I would think it would occur to you to help out if you did not have a similar arrangement with them.

Maybe this is the mindset of the woman the OP is having trouble with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree w/ 21:11 and 18:42.

"hey Jane, could you clean up Susie's stuff? Thanks" - from the nanny

"Jane, could you help w/ the clean-up? Ruth is so fantastic about doing these playdates but she shouldn't have to shoulder cleaning up for everyone. Thanks." - from the MB

"Ruth, I'm going to make a point of being there for clean-up next time and I'll talk to Jane. But I want you to speak up and ask her to clean-up in the future. I love that you host these play-dates but you should not bear the burden of cleaning up everything." - From MB to nanny

OP here with an update from yesterday's play group. Same thing was happening as "Jane" was getting ready to leave (she always arrives first and leaves first). So I said exactly what was suggested in the bolded. Jane got very huffy and said that Nanny "Ruth" told her not to help (not true) and the other kids were still playing. I suggested she just put away the toys her kid had been playing with and throw out her kid's fingerpainting papers. She made a big show of putting down her diaper bag and started picking stuff up.

I doubt we will see her or her kid again. No loss as far as I am concerned. Perhaps not coincidentally, her kid is the one who hits and pushes the other kids and the mother nevr corrects her child and gives 200 excuses as to why her kid did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree w/ 21:11 and 18:42.

"hey Jane, could you clean up Susie's stuff? Thanks" - from the nanny

"Jane, could you help w/ the clean-up? Ruth is so fantastic about doing these playdates but she shouldn't have to shoulder cleaning up for everyone. Thanks." - from the MB

"Ruth, I'm going to make a point of being there for clean-up next time and I'll talk to Jane. But I want you to speak up and ask her to clean-up in the future. I love that you host these play-dates but you should not bear the burden of cleaning up everything." - From MB to nanny

OP here with an update from yesterday's play group. Same thing was happening as "Jane" was getting ready to leave (she always arrives first and leaves first). So I said exactly what was suggested in the bolded. Jane got very huffy and said that Nanny "Ruth" told her not to help (not true) and the other kids were still playing. I suggested she just put away the toys her kid had been playing with and throw out her kid's fingerpainting papers. She made a big show of putting down her diaper bag and started picking stuff up.

I doubt we will see her or her kid again. No loss as far as I am concerned. Perhaps not coincidentally, her kid is the one who hits and pushes the other kids and the mother nevr corrects her child and gives 200 excuses as to why her kid did that.

How ridiculous! You definitely did the right thing, IMO. So, as it turns out, she was totally dodging the clean-up on purpose! What an ass. It seems like the play dates will go down much smoother without her presence anyways.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, OP. Very glad you said something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree w/ 21:11 and 18:42.

"hey Jane, could you clean up Susie's stuff? Thanks" - from the nanny

"Jane, could you help w/ the clean-up? Ruth is so fantastic about doing these playdates but she shouldn't have to shoulder cleaning up for everyone. Thanks." - from the MB

"Ruth, I'm going to make a point of being there for clean-up next time and I'll talk to Jane. But I want you to speak up and ask her to clean-up in the future. I love that you host these play-dates but you should not bear the burden of cleaning up everything." - From MB to nanny

OP here with an update from yesterday's play group. Same thing was happening as "Jane" was getting ready to leave (she always arrives first and leaves first). So I said exactly what was suggested in the bolded. Jane got very huffy and said that Nanny "Ruth" told her not to help (not true) and the other kids were still playing. I suggested she just put away the toys her kid had been playing with and throw out her kid's fingerpainting papers. She made a big show of putting down her diaper bag and started picking stuff up.

I doubt we will see her or her kid again. No loss as far as I am concerned. Perhaps not coincidentally, her kid is the one who hits and pushes the other kids and the mother nevr corrects her child and gives 200 excuses as to why her kid did that.

If her child was hitting and pushing, the mother was not correcting the child, and she was excusing the behavior, your nanny should have already rescinded the invitation. It's one thing to meet up with a child like that at a park for an unplanned play date. It's another thing entirely to invite that child and parent to your charge's home for a planned activity and play date.