Mb is making me nuts

[Anonymous]

How long is this maternity leave? She probably feels like it would be shifty not to spend time with her older kids while she's home, and she probably misses them, too. Not to mention that a new baby is a change for everyone.

Rather than telling her how she's messing up your day, how about approaching her to make a plan so that you and the kids can accommodate some time with her in your schedule.

You know, a few fewer flash cards in exch6for a scheduled visit with mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a complete narcissist

Oh it’s lovely to always have a board certified psychiatrist on the forum! But actually I’m a career nanny that was hired to do her job and focus on my charges and what is best for them.

NP. Then why don't you know how to handle this? You must not have much of a career.

Oh, go away. And stop interrupting the nanny while she's trying to do her work.

Lol career nanny

[Anonymous]

I would address it by asking for a scheduled time to sit down and talk with no interruptions.

I would
1) Ask her how she thinks maternity leave is going for Larla and Larlo (older kids by name)
2) Point out that it is really common for maternity leave to throw everyone’s routine out of whack and say that you want to work with her to establish a new routine together.
3) Talk about a routine for mornings that you think might work
4) Ask her if she’d like to formalize eating lunch with the kids
5) Add that you have one little favor to ask. “Working with kids all day, I find I really crave quiet and a mental break. I am much more patient when I have 20 minutes to eat lunch without distractions, so I am going to bring headphones and use a white noise app while I eat. Please don’t be offended if I don’t respond and if there’s anything important wr need to discuss, just text me and I will find you right after my break.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a complete narcissist

Oh it’s lovely to always have a board certified psychiatrist on the forum! But actually I’m a career nanny that was hired to do her job and focus on my charges and what is best for them.

NP. Then why don't you know how to handle this? You must not have much of a career.

Oh, go away. And stop interrupting the nanny while she's trying to do her work.

Lol career nanny

You have never heard that term before, PP? It simply means someone who is not employed in a field temporarily or seasonally - like a "career waitress" or "career lifeguard".

And no one uses "lol" anymore except old people.

[Anonymous]

Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

Reasonable advice. I currently deal with two parents who are either traveling or working from home in the living room, inexplicably. I hate making the toddler cry when I take her away because she wants mom and dad to pay attention to her. They’re teasing her with their presence and I feel bad for my charge. My MB is about to be on maternity leave once she delivers this month, so I’m expecting chaos and drudgery for most of maternity leave. Part of being a good nanny is accepting parts of the job are absurd and sometimes parents make things harder than they'd be if you were on your own with the kids. I’m towards the end of my career as a nanny primarily because Work from home is the new standard. It’d be great if it meant fewer hours or something but since it doesn’t I plan to move into another field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

But you are basically saying that I should roll over and take it. Listen my charges have school and extracurriculars every afternoon and need to be able to rest and get there on time. All of that has been pushed back and lunch is filled with tantrums and constant redirecting. I’m having to be the bad guy all the time because things not permitted with me they want to do with her. Out right attacking each other, spilling drinks on purpose, refusing to eat, falling out on the floor when asked to wash hands, begging for anything she has. She is always saying “They do this to us all the time. They don’t usually do this to you?” When she knows they don’t, I would’ve quit a long time ago.

It’s hard to get these kids to focus on crafts and games as it is because they now constantly want iPads, tv or to get to her. I totally get the jealousy and challenges that come with a new baby. I’ve even offered to watch the baby in case she does want to do something with one of the older ones but she turns me down and rather just be there while I do it with them. So when I get my charges using their imaginations and involved in something and she pops in with “ hey come try these pants on” or “ have you heard about what Matt Lauer was doing!?” And immediately my charge looses interest and starts attention seeking behavior and it’s like she is oblivious to the chaos she just began. Well there goes doing anything structured for more than 5 minutes.

I’ve been extremely compassionate. She has been on leave since 12/15 and now has 6 more weeks and wants to work remotely for a while. She worked from home in her past for a small time when her office was under construction and stayed out of the way and handed them over just fine. So I know besides maybe occasionally nursing she will stay away then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

Reasonable advice. I currently deal with two parents who are either traveling or working from home in the living room, inexplicably. I hate making the toddler cry when I take her away because she wants mom and dad to pay attention to her. They’re teasing her with their presence and I feel bad for my charge. My MB is about to be on maternity leave once she delivers this month, so I’m expecting chaos and drudgery for most of maternity leave. Part of being a good nanny is accepting parts of the job are absurd and sometimes parents make things harder than they'd be if you were on your own with the kids. I’m towards the end of my career as a nanny primarily because Work from home is the new standard. It’d be great if it meant fewer hours or something but since it doesn’t I plan to move into another field.

Good luck to you. I got back into nannying while going back to school but will definitely be transitioning into something else when it’s complete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a complete narcissist

Oh it’s lovely to always have a board certified psychiatrist on the forum! But actually I’m a career nanny that was hired to do her job and focus on my charges and what is best for them.

NP. Then why don't you know how to handle this? You must not have much of a career.

Oh, go away. And stop interrupting the nanny while she's trying to do her work.

Lol career nanny

You have never heard that term before, PP? It simply means someone who is not employed in a field temporarily or seasonally - like a "career waitress" or "career lifeguard".

And no one uses "lol" anymore except old people.

I don’t really get what that PPs issue is. I’m ignoring them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would address it by asking for a scheduled time to sit down and talk with no interruptions.

I would
1) Ask her how she thinks maternity leave is going for Larla and Larlo (older kids by name)
2) Point out that it is really common for maternity leave to throw everyone’s routine out of whack and say that you want to work with her to establish a new routine together.
3) Talk about a routine for mornings that you think might work
4) Ask her if she’d like to formalize eating lunch with the kids
5) Add that you have one little favor to ask. “Working with kids all day, I find I really crave quiet and a mental break. I am much more patient when I have 20 minutes to eat lunch without distractions, so I am going to bring headphones and use a white noise app while I eat. Please don’t be offended if I don’t respond and if there’s anything important wr need to discuss, just text me and I will find you right after my break.”

This is great wording. Thank you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

Another MB and I totally agree. My kid's nanny has bad days and weeks. Ramadan is especially hard, she basically just mails it in for a month. We roll with it because it's important to her.

Your boss has a new baby; she's hormonal and exhausted, but also experiencing so many emotions related to adding another human being to a family that had established routines and relationships. It's very hard. Frankly if I were in her shoes, and I saw your post, I'd be very very hurt and would probably look for someone else. The lack of empathy would most likely be a deal breaker. Bottom line: it's your life and you're and independent professional, so of course you're free to conclude this mother isn't worth working for. "Enjoy your evening."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

But you are basically saying that I should roll over and take it. Listen my charges have school and extracurriculars every afternoon and need to be able to rest and get there on time. All of that has been pushed back and lunch is filled with tantrums and constant redirecting. I’m having to be the bad guy all the time because things not permitted with me they want to do with her. Out right attacking each other, spilling drinks on purpose, refusing to eat, falling out on the floor when asked to wash hands, begging for anything she has. She is always saying “They do this to us all the time. They don’t usually do this to you?” When she knows they don’t, I would’ve quit a long time ago.

It’s hard to get these kids to focus on crafts and games as it is because they now constantly want iPads, tv or to get to her. I totally get the jealousy and challenges that come with a new baby. I’ve even offered to watch the baby in case she does want to do something with one of the older ones but she turns me down and rather just be there while I do it with them. So when I get my charges using their imaginations and involved in something and she pops in with “ hey come try these pants on” or “ have you heard about what Matt Lauer was doing!?” And immediately my charge looses interest and starts attention seeking behavior and it’s like she is oblivious to the chaos she just began. Well there goes doing anything structured for more than 5 minutes.

I’ve been extremely compassionate. She has been on leave since 12/15 and now has 6 more weeks and wants to work remotely for a while. She worked from home in her past for a small time when her office was under construction and stayed out of the way and handed them over just fine. So I know besides maybe occasionally nursing she will stay away then.

You sound crazy. Maybe look into a different job. You take your job way to serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

But you are basically saying that I should roll over and take it. Listen my charges have school and extracurriculars every afternoon and need to be able to rest and get there on time. All of that has been pushed back and lunch is filled with tantrums and constant redirecting. I’m having to be the bad guy all the time because things not permitted with me they want to do with her. Out right attacking each other, spilling drinks on purpose, refusing to eat, falling out on the floor when asked to wash hands, begging for anything she has. She is always saying “They do this to us all the time. They don’t usually do this to you?” When she knows they don’t, I would’ve quit a long time ago.

It’s hard to get these kids to focus on crafts and games as it is because they now constantly want iPads, tv or to get to her. I totally get the jealousy and challenges that come with a new baby. I’ve even offered to watch the baby in case she does want to do something with one of the older ones but she turns me down and rather just be there while I do it with them. So when I get my charges using their imaginations and involved in something and she pops in with “ hey come try these pants on” or “ have you heard about what Matt Lauer was doing!?” And immediately my charge looses interest and starts attention seeking behavior and it’s like she is oblivious to the chaos she just began. Well there goes doing anything structured for more than 5 minutes.

I’ve been extremely compassionate. She has been on leave since 12/15 and now has 6 more weeks and wants to work remotely for a while. She worked from home in her past for a small time when her office was under construction and stayed out of the way and handed them over just fine. So I know besides maybe occasionally nursing she will stay away then.

You do realize your charges are her children, right? They aren't your children, and you aren't running a daycare or school where it's your way or the highway. She's paying for the most expensive form of child care in part because it allows her to have more control.

No one is saying you have to suck it up and take it. We are saying that if you come from a place of compassion, instead of anger and annoyance, maybe you can figure out a way to approach her that gets you both what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay as an MB here I see where you're coming from. Just to provide another perspective though, they are her kids. She's probably tired, hormonal and maybe feeling some level of guilt at not being able to give the kids as much attention since the baby came. If she wants to hang out with them in the am or over lunch for a short period of time, what's the harm? At the end of the day she is their parent. I understand it's inconvenient and I'm not trying to minimize that, but if it's for a limited time, maybe in the interest of harmony it would be worth just focusing on the fact the leave will end soon. Don't y'all jump on me now - I'm not saying nannies should just roll over and take anything - but from a mom perspective those postpartum days are hard and a little compassion goes a long way.

But you are basically saying that I should roll over and take it. Listen my charges have school and extracurriculars every afternoon and need to be able to rest and get there on time. All of that has been pushed back and lunch is filled with tantrums and constant redirecting. I’m having to be the bad guy all the time because things not permitted with me they want to do with her. Out right attacking each other, spilling drinks on purpose, refusing to eat, falling out on the floor when asked to wash hands, begging for anything she has. She is always saying “They do this to us all the time. They don’t usually do this to you?” When she knows they don’t, I would’ve quit a long time ago.

It’s hard to get these kids to focus on crafts and games as it is because they now constantly want iPads, tv or to get to her. I totally get the jealousy and challenges that come with a new baby. I’ve even offered to watch the baby in case she does want to do something with one of the older ones but she turns me down and rather just be there while I do it with them. So when I get my charges using their imaginations and involved in something and she pops in with “ hey come try these pants on” or “ have you heard about what Matt Lauer was doing!?” And immediately my charge looses interest and starts attention seeking behavior and it’s like she is oblivious to the chaos she just began. Well there goes doing anything structured for more than 5 minutes.

I’ve been extremely compassionate. She has been on leave since 12/15 and now has 6 more weeks and wants to work remotely for a while. She worked from home in her past for a small time when her office was under construction and stayed out of the way and handed them over just fine. So I know besides maybe occasionally nursing she will stay away then.

You do realize your charges are her children, right? They aren't your children, and you aren't running a daycare or school where it's your way or the highway. She's paying for the most expensive form of child care in part because it allows her to have more control.

No one is saying you have to suck it up and take it. We are saying that if you come from a place of compassion, instead of anger and annoyance, maybe you can figure out a way to approach her that gets you both what you want.

You have to be trolling me right now. No where did I say that it’s my way or the high way nor did I say I am angry. I made it very clear I’ve been rolling with it. I am in fact trying to do the job she wants me to do. I have not been mean to anyone have maintained patience and my good attitude. I love my charges very much and go above and beyond but that does not give their mother the right to constantly disrupt us all day or make us late for appointments. Where is it stated that I have not come from a place of compassion? I even stated in the first post that I am venting. Nannies deserve compassion too when they spend 9-12 hours per day with kids and go along with family changes. I have been giving most of my compassion to the older ones that are having a hard time adjusting. There have been way more hugs, cozy time with me, tickles, dance parties and special field trips and I always reiterate how blessed they are to have a cute baby girl around now to protect.

Yes she is hormonal yes she has a new baby, I said I even offer to take care of the baby so she can spend some time with the older ones and she never wants to. If you think a mother is completely justified in disrupting her children’s caregiver to show her posts on Instagram and or articles in the NY times when she knows every time she tries to engage me in a conversation the kids act up YOU ARE INSANE and your advice in this thread was a waste of your time. I would never run up to someone that is reading to a child to shove my phone at them to laugh at a social media post.

I’m about to head back to the house in a few when I leave the school. I spent the morning as a visitor in my oldest charges class and read to the students. I have already emailed her that I would like to chat about routines this afternoon. Go troll your own nanny until you run her off. You entitled parents or fake posters are ridiculous.

You have threads telling nannies to be professional and keep the kids engaged then crazy people coming in here defending this unprofessional behavior just to be harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is this maternity leave? She probably feels like it would be shifty not to spend time with her older kids while she's home, and she probably misses them, too. Not to mention that a new baby is a change for everyone.

Rather than telling her how she's messing up your day, how about approaching her to make a plan so that you and the kids can accommodate some time with her in your schedule.

You know, a few fewer flash cards in exch6for a scheduled visit with mom.

LOL I was giving an example, I do not literally sit and force flash cards and work on my charges. I also would never tell someone how the mess up my day. Like I mentioned earlier I have suggested or asked her about her time with kids.