Negotiating Class Times

[Anonymous]

this kind of attitude is why your AP doesn't bother to unload the dishwasher or clean up the toys when you're coming home. the "i'll tell her to skip class if it suits my needs" thing is beyond entitled. it is very clear that you don't care about your APs beyond what they can do for you. they live in your house and work for you, at your pleasure, and you say that her "work" should come before everything else. in the same vein, people are posting that APs "make $0/hour" and have "amazing benefits"-like getting to stay in your house with your kids on your terms, with no autonomy.

[Anonymous]

If you can't arrange alternative coverage during the day, which is understandable, it might be best if the au pair sticks to evening classes, which I assume you could accommodate. To be fair, there has to be some time for her that is "safe," apart from a genuine emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this kind of attitude is why your AP doesn't bother to unload the dishwasher or clean up the toys when you're coming home. the "i'll tell her to skip class if it suits my needs" thing is beyond entitled. it is very clear that you don't care about your APs beyond what they can do for you. they live in your house and work for you, at your pleasure, and you say that her "work" should come before everything else. in the same vein, people are posting that APs "make $0/hour" and have "amazing benefits"-like getting to stay in your house with your kids on your terms, with no autonomy.

The primary purpose for an AP is childcare. The agency might have sold AP on something else. But if HFs do not choose an AP based on their childcare abilities and experience, she wouldn't even be here to fulfill the education requirement.

So, yes, the "work" comes before anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this kind of attitude is why your AP doesn't bother to unload the dishwasher or clean up the toys when you're coming home. the "i'll tell her to skip class if it suits my needs" thing is beyond entitled. it is very clear that you don't care about your APs beyond what they can do for you. they live in your house and work for you, at your pleasure, and you say that her "work" should come before everything else. in the same vein, people are posting that APs "make $0/hour" and have "amazing benefits"-like getting to stay in your house with your kids on your terms, with no autonomy.

Do you have anything to do all day besides respond to every post with all the reasons the au pair program is bad? I'm so curious: are you a disgruntled AP? Or nanny who feel threatened by the J1 Visa? Either way, you dont seem to understand how the program is set up and what it's designed to do. Getting to stay in our house on our terms, picking up the toys and working before everything else are the JOB. If you don't want to do these things, dont become an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my work on random school holiday trumps AP's class. It may happen twice over the entire year. AP knows this upfront. Anyone crying over this for AP is ridiculous and clearly not a working parent.

[Anonymous]

Are we really discussing if my work commitments are more important than a holiday cake decorating class or yoga? I'm not sure what kind of classes your AP is taking, but mine haven't ever taken anything that looks like real academic work.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is what always seems to come up in every discussion on here...how the APs aren't given enough. To your point, my APs generally take the ESL course offered at our local college to obtain their mandatory course "credit". While I agree this is important to AP and she needs to take the course to fulfill her Visa requirements, these classes are not rigorous and no, APs do not "fail" the class because they have to a miss a couple of classes for work/illness. My AP goes to class while kids are in school and since the college follows the typical academic calendar, her class calendar and the kids school calendar line up 9 out of 10 times. But yes, for that one day that the schedules don't align, AP tells her instructor in advance and AP takes care of the kids (her most important Visa requirement).

With all that being said, if you have young children and AP works from 8-5 and without your knowledge, AP signs up for a 9-11 class, that is on her to fix. Hopefully this a rare case. If your AP signs up for a mutually agreed upon 7-9pm class and you are routinely late from work and/or trying to go to the gym at 7pm, that is on you to fix.

For the ridiculous trolls who frequent this space, the majority of HPs are using and dealing with this program for flexible childcare. If childcare was a non-issue for me and I simply wanted to have a young student from another country living in my home 24/7, I would tap into the foreign exchange student program. Perhaps you should find the foreign exchange student discussion board to add your constant 2 cents?!

[Anonymous]

no one has a hard time understanding that you want cheap "flexible" childcare. what people don't understand is why you think you're entitled to this. and then you complain that she isn't a "rockstar" (gag) who lives to serve you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is what always seems to come up in every discussion on here...how the APs aren't given enough. To your point, my APs generally take the ESL course offered at our local college to obtain their mandatory course "credit". While I agree this is important to AP and she needs to take the course to fulfill her Visa requirements, these classes are not rigorous and no, APs do not "fail" the class because they have to a miss a couple of classes for work/illness. My AP goes to class while kids are in school and since the college follows the typical academic calendar, her class calendar and the kids school calendar line up 9 out of 10 times. But yes, for that one day that the schedules don't align, AP tells her instructor in advance and AP takes care of the kids (her most important Visa requirement).

With all that being said, if you have young children and AP works from 8-5 and without your knowledge, AP signs up for a 9-11 class, that is on her to fix. Hopefully this a rare case. If your AP signs up for a mutually agreed upon 7-9pm class and you are routinely late from work and/or trying to go to the gym at 7pm, that is on you to fix.

For the ridiculous trolls who frequent this space, the majority of HPs are using and dealing with this program for flexible childcare. If childcare was a non-issue for me and I simply wanted to have a young student from another country living in my home 24/7, I would tap into the foreign exchange student program. Perhaps you should find the foreign exchange student discussion board to add your constant 2 cents?!

My AP was leaving these free classes a half our early because 45 minutes wasn't enough for her hot lunch. Fine by me ... but when I needed her to drop of ds early one morning at school, she was all "oh but my class". I told her she could manage to stay to the end of her class one day to make up the time. I take her classes as seriously as she does. (and we do fully pay the education stipend for other classes).

[Anonymous]

"no one has a hard time understanding that you want cheap "flexible" childcare. what people don't understand is why you think you're entitled to this. and then you complain that she isn't a "rockstar" (gag) who lives to serve you "


15:09 here. Actually, I never wrote the word "cheap". You inserted that. This is my point. I deal with the cost of the AP program which is NOT cheap (especially for those of us with school age kids who max at maybe 25 hours per week!). The reason I deal with the financial costs as well as the mental and physical costs of hosting a foreign young woman who needs a lot of my time and attention for things outside of childcare IS FOR THE FLEXIBLE 25 HOURS OF CHILDCARE. That is what I receive in return, so yes, my work trumps her underwater basket weaving class. And for the record, we do have a rockstar AP, who also needs a lot of daily help from me to navigate her social life, traveling, classes, driving, bank, taxes, healthcare system, etc, etc. AP "serves" childcare as you seem to want to describe it, AND believe me, I "serve" her a lot of "life help" in return. There are stressful days that I would gladly pay APs more money if it meant that I got a day off from being her USA concierge!!!

[Anonymous]

your flippant comments about her "underwater basket weaving class" say it all. you think her commitments are trivial and have no problem saying so. unsure why she should value yours-you aren't intrinsically more important than she is.
i have a hard time believing that your AP needs daily help with her taxes, healthcare, or the bank. maybe once or twice per year. outside of that, i can't imagine you're sitting down with her very often helping her out with classes, socializing, or traveling either. if you'd pay a nanny/sitter $20/hour and an au pair $4/hour, then yes, it is cheap. paying the agency to set her up with you does not equate to paying her for her labor or her time. would you accept 1/5th of your paycheck in exchange for being able to live at work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your flippant comments about her "underwater basket weaving class" say it all. you think her commitments are trivial and have no problem saying so. unsure why she should value yours-you aren't intrinsically more important than she is.
i have a hard time believing that your AP needs daily help with her taxes, healthcare, or the bank. maybe once or twice per year. outside of that, i can't imagine you're sitting down with her very often helping her out with classes, socializing, or traveling either. if you'd pay a nanny/sitter $20/hour and an au pair $4/hour, then yes, it is cheap. paying the agency to set her up with you does not equate to paying her for her labor or her time. would you accept 1/5th of your paycheck in exchange for being able to live at work?

Ugh again with the $4/hr thing.

She is not paid by the hour.
She is paid a stipend.
Get over it.

[Anonymous]

OP...I tell my APs that they have to find a class that does not conflict with working hours. They usually find something at night or on weekends and all is fine.

If it conflicts with work, then work trumps class. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

i have a hard time believing that your AP needs daily help with her taxes, healthcare, or the bank. maybe once or twice per year. outside of that, i can't imagine you're sitting down with her very often helping her out with classes, socializing, or traveling either.

Actually, I spend 5-7 per week discussing any one or more of these things with our AP. It is constant and I understand that it is part of the gig, but there is a level of "time" involved that is a huge time commitment. She is lovely and takes great care of our kids. In turn, I am a constant sounding board, mentor, and USA concierge that I am not for the local live-out babysitter.