Do some ap's not want you to ask them any non work related questions?

[Anonymous]

Why do you think that your kids or you will be someone special for Au pair? Did you say to her that you like her, enjoying her company or that you like the way she is taking care of your children. Are those words or just being nice? Maybe you are expecting certain answer and she is not giving it to you. You or your kids are not center of someone's world. She will come back to her country to her family and friends. You might be just an employee for her. Was it like that from the beginning? Maybe she is disappointed with an experience. Might look at Au pairing as boring, fake experience-its not a real job, gets some pocket money, not studying, parents at work, she constantly in someone's house, being on the other side of the globe, with probably demanding HP requiring additional attention, support, happiness. As an Au pair you are one of many nr 1,2...10. HP decide with who the child will be spending time with. If you think she is uninterested I bet you wouldn't let your kids spending time with her when the programme will be over. If you want to know what is in your Au pairs mind please don't communicate with her TALK WITH HER without kids or you will never know and she will leave one day and you will never know or see her.

[Anonymous]

This au pair ^^^ is making an excellent point. We tend to think that if we are nice and social with an au pair, and welcome them into our family, that they will reciprocate (since that is the basis of the program). But some au pairs don't buy into the philosophy of the program and they are not being genuine in the beginning about their intentions. There's no way to fix that. You can either put up with a shallow relationship with a miserable au pair, or rematch and find an au pair who is genuinely looking for a connection with the family. We gave up on our au pair who didn't want a connection with us and rematched. My only regret was that we didn't do it sooner. Like the au pair here ^^^ mentioned, the miserable au pair went home and we never spoke to her again. But all of our other au pairs are still in our lives and are very special to us. If an au pair is intent on being an outsider, then she will be, and there is no coaxing her in. And that's okay, because there are au pairs in rematch who are looking for warm and loving families and will be a much better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a live out Nanny for a while and I know its a different situation but I had one MB who would ask me every morning if I had a good evening and what had I been up to. Then when I would leave and she would ask if I had fun plans that night.
I am Gay though and hadnt told them that. I didnt want to just say it, so it was awkward for me.
I know she was just tryin to be friendly but it put me in a situation of being evasive which I didnt like doing.

Same situation. I am not gay but am lacking in friends/a partner right now so my social life is pretty crap. I always feel really uncomfortable when my MB/DB ask what I did of a weekend or of an evening.
OP, you don't have to ask solely about her plans to bond with her. Try finding a common interest. Is there a TV show you both like? Or a similar hobby?