Suggestions for finding prospective nanny share families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your perspectives. I can see how coming with a pre-selected nanny with a number of other restrictive criteria could be exacerbating the challenges. We wish we could host, but it's just not practical given my work and our current (temporary but for the next year at least) apartment. Hosting would be a privilege, if we could do it, in many ways, since as others pointed out, pick up and drop off are tedious, especially with two children in different locations.

It may be a privilege to you but may not be to someone else who has to keep their house clean, fridge full, provide a room or space for your child and their things, pay increased utility bills and wear and tear on the house. How are you doing to compensate them? Are you offering 2 a month cleaning service? Are you offering groceries for nanny and your child (and do they have the space to store it)? What is your plan if you need longer hours? Nanny and your child stay at their home and interfere with their family time? And, you are wanting to drop off two kids at someone else house? One, ok, but two, no way. You are the issue as you are too demanding. Are you offering to also split the cost of the nanny in 1/3's of you have two kids, they have one? If you have two kids, you should pay 2/3 plus offer something for their housing. I'd run too after talking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are trying to create a nanny share after our older child is going to school/day camps. I've had three families who've been interested and then after taking a lot of our time, decided for various personal reasons that the share was not right for them. Are people just lying about not liking the nanny (none has said that this was the reason they were not going to join us, and in one case a parent decided at last minute to do something else for childcare)? We've done nanny shares in our old city before living here, and we've never had this issue.

Any suggestions for finding a family to do a share besides obviously boards here and neighborhood listservs?
Thanks!

Find a daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It may be a privilege to you but may not be to someone else who has to keep their house clean, fridge full, provide a room or space for your child and their things, pay increased utility bills and wear and tear on the house. How are you doing to compensate them? Are you offering 2 a month cleaning service? Are you offering groceries for nanny and your child (and do they have the space to store it)? What is your plan if you need longer hours? Nanny and your child stay at their home and interfere with their family time? And, you are wanting to drop off two kids at someone else house? One, ok, but two, no way. You are the issue as you are too demanding. Are you offering to also split the cost of the nanny in 1/3's of you have two kids, they have one? If you have two kids, you should pay 2/3 plus offer something for their housing. I'd run too after talking to you.

Please read the post correctly. I am not asking for a family to host two of my children in their house. That's absurd. The request is to do a share in another family's house with my one child and their one child. Having done MULTIPLE shares with a variety of families for each of my children, due to our past moves, I am quite experienced with the demands a share places on another family. it is also a privilege to not have to do pick up and drop off when childcare is in your own home. You clearly have no experience with the challenges of pick up and drop off or morning chaos when there is more than one child involved. When I've done childcare in my home, I get to get ready for the day with another person making sure my kid isn't throwing himself into something precarious. Or I can leave the minute the person arrives. When it's a share, there's a lot of prep to get ready for drop off and the travel time involved. That costs time and money. It's so strange that you seem to have no conception of this....

And, you make a lot of assumptions....interesting that you assume I'd expect them to feed my child...this is just confirming my suspicion that people in this city are insane. Obviously, my child comes with a prepared lunch. Presumably the nanny brings her food, too. These are not huge demands. I'm not putting a week's groceries in their fridge. In the past, when the cleaning became an issue, we asked the nanny to stay an extra half hour and both families split the cost of her time.

You seem to have had a very bad experience with childcare providers. That's too bad. Where I'm from, the families have a clear conversation about responsibilities. Yes, there are diapers and wipes and a change of clothes, but it's not like my child is living in their home full time.

You have provided me with deep insight into the bizzar-o world of DC childcare. Thanks! Also...maybe you're just trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you truly can't host, you need to find a family that will and TOGETHER find a share nanny. I just can't imagine anyone being ok with the arrangement you are proposing.

Could you clarify why this is not ok? Generalizing is a bit unhelpful. Thanks!

If you are asking to use my space, I would want some input in deciding who comes into it. I just think people are put off by the fact that you already have a set-up (nanny and your kid) and are asking to come into their home everyday. If I am hosting, I'd like to come to that consensus through a discussion with another potential family, I'd also want input regarding the nanny. Not sure how much clearer I can state this...

The whole set-up you are proposing is just kind of a no-win for any other family.
-You pick the nanny
-You use their house (yeah they don't have to pick up/drop off but what happens when you are late or they get home early...they are stuck with your kid plus every other reason you wouldn't want an extra kid in your house 4 days a week)
-The rate is ok, but I would be uncomfortable having no input into this aspect of the arrangement as well.
-You are only willing to pay for 4 days a week, unless someone has the same schedule as you, this places the burden on them to pay a nanny $22/hr each week making your established rate even more unreasonable

Unless you are willing to be more flexible on some of these issues, I don't see you having any success with this endeavor...maybe look into aftercare?

[Anonymous]

I have shared for 8 years with 4 different families. Thoughts...

1. Are you in DC or further out? If you are in an area where people are comparing the share to getting their own nanny then the rate will not seem that bad. If you are further out in spots where single nannies are much less common then they are comparing to daycare pricing and then the rate seems pretty high.

2. It is normal for people to sound out a share first before they are fully sold on it. In our experience few people we shared with knew much at all about shares before. It is a pain but part of the process.

3. Yes it could be a turn off that you require them to host but sounds non negotiable for you. Many people dislike hosting for some bizarre reason I cannot fathom. Maybe try spelling g out for them more why the hosting burden is not heavy since they may not realize your kid would come with all her own stuff and the nanny would clean up each day. Could also try seeing if the nanny will do laundry to help provide an added benefit to the host family if she is willing. This was huge for us and did not add much to our nanny's day.

[Anonymous]

^ 4. It sometimes took me months to find a share match but we are out in the far-ish burbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have shared for 8 years with 4 different families. Thoughts...

1. Are you in DC or further out? If you are in an area where people are comparing the share to getting their own nanny then the rate will not seem that bad. If you are further out in spots where single nannies are much less common then they are comparing to daycare pricing and then the rate seems pretty high.

2. It is normal for people to sound out a share first before they are fully sold on it. In our experience few people we shared with knew much at all about shares before. It is a pain but part of the process.

3. Yes it could be a turn off that you require them to host but sounds non negotiable for you. Many people dislike hosting for some bizarre reason I cannot fathom. Maybe try spelling g out for them more why the hosting burden is not heavy since they may not realize your kid would come with all her own stuff and the nanny would clean up each day. Could also try seeing if the nanny will do laundry to help provide an added benefit to the host family if she is willing. This was huge for us and did not add much to our nanny's day.

thanks, this is a sensible response...we are very centrally located.

I think the thing that has seemed oddest is that I posted the ad -- if someone were not comfortable with the parameters I proposed, they shouldn't have responded to a post...That's just common sense!

But more than anything, I've found people to be a bit disingenuous about their plans. I'm ok if someone says, I'd like to meet the nanny and you, but we are also considering other options (as well they should!). There's just been a lot of looking, meeting, time demands, and then choosing not to do it.

I realize I'm mostly venting, but it's helpful to hear others' perspectives. It's just been a strange and very different process here than in other places. Maybe here in DC people are more indirect and "political."

It's strange how enthusiastically a number of people on these boards have decided to attack me for being explicit and clear about my expectations.

[Anonymous]

When your expectations seem unreasonable to us, we'll be very direct. If you don't want that, perhaps a different site would be more suitable, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have shared for 8 years with 4 different families. Thoughts...

1. Are you in DC or further out? If you are in an area where people are comparing the share to getting their own nanny then the rate will not seem that bad. If you are further out in spots where single nannies are much less common then they are comparing to daycare pricing and then the rate seems pretty high.

2. It is normal for people to sound out a share first before they are fully sold on it. In our experience few people we shared with knew much at all about shares before. It is a pain but part of the process.

3. Yes it could be a turn off that you require them to host but sounds non negotiable for you. Many people dislike hosting for some bizarre reason I cannot fathom. Maybe try spelling g out for them more why the hosting burden is not heavy since they may not realize your kid would come with all her own stuff and the nanny would clean up each day. Could also try seeing if the nanny will do laundry to help provide an added benefit to the host family if she is willing. This was huge for us and did not add much to our nanny's day.

thanks, this is a sensible response...we are very centrally located.

I think the thing that has seemed oddest is that I posted the ad -- if someone were not comfortable with the parameters I proposed, they shouldn't have responded to a post...That's just common sense!

But more than anything, I've found people to be a bit disingenuous about their plans. I'm ok if someone says, I'd like to meet the nanny and you, but we are also considering other options (as well they should!). There's just been a lot of looking, meeting, time demands, and then choosing not to do it.

I realize I'm mostly venting, but it's helpful to hear others' perspectives. It's just been a strange and very different process here than in other places. Maybe here in DC people are more indirect and "political."

It's strange how enthusiastically a number of people on these boards have decided to attack me for being explicit and clear about my expectations.

You presented a problem, people gave you possible solutions as well as insight into why you might be having this problem. Who was attacking? Did you really want advice in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have shared for 8 years with 4 different families. Thoughts...

1. Are you in DC or further out? If you are in an area where people are comparing the share to getting their own nanny then the rate will not seem that bad. If you are further out in spots where single nannies are much less common then they are comparing to daycare pricing and then the rate seems pretty high.

2. It is normal for people to sound out a share first before they are fully sold on it. In our experience few people we shared with knew much at all about shares before. It is a pain but part of the process.

3. Yes it could be a turn off that you require them to host but sounds non negotiable for you. Many people dislike hosting for some bizarre reason I cannot fathom. Maybe try spelling g out for them more why the hosting burden is not heavy since they may not realize your kid would come with all her own stuff and the nanny would clean up each day. Could also try seeing if the nanny will do laundry to help provide an added benefit to the host family if she is willing. This was huge for us and did not add much to our nanny's day.

thanks, this is a sensible response...we are very centrally located.

I think the thing that has seemed oddest is that I posted the ad -- if someone were not comfortable with the parameters I proposed, they shouldn't have responded to a post...That's just common sense!

But more than anything, I've found people to be a bit disingenuous about their plans. I'm ok if someone says, I'd like to meet the nanny and you, but we are also considering other options (as well they should!). There's just been a lot of looking, meeting, time demands, and then choosing not to do it.

I realize I'm mostly venting, but it's helpful to hear others' perspectives. It's just been a strange and very different process here than in other places. Maybe here in DC people are more indirect and "political."

It's strange how enthusiastically a number of people on these boards have decided to attack me for being explicit and clear about my expectations.

Yep, you're the problem. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have shared for 8 years with 4 different families. Thoughts...

1. Are you in DC or further out? If you are in an area where people are comparing the share to getting their own nanny then the rate will not seem that bad. If you are further out in spots where single nannies are much less common then they are comparing to daycare pricing and then the rate seems pretty high.

2. It is normal for people to sound out a share first before they are fully sold on it. In our experience few people we shared with knew much at all about shares before. It is a pain but part of the process.

3. Yes it could be a turn off that you require them to host but sounds non negotiable for you. Many people dislike hosting for some bizarre reason I cannot fathom. Maybe try spelling g out for them more why the hosting burden is not heavy since they may not realize your kid would come with all her own stuff and the nanny would clean up each day. Could also try seeing if the nanny will do laundry to help provide an added benefit to the host family if she is willing. This was huge for us and did not add much to our nanny's day.

thanks, this is a sensible response...we are very centrally located.

I think the thing that has seemed oddest is that I posted the ad -- if someone were not comfortable with the parameters I proposed, they shouldn't have responded to a post...That's just common sense!

But more than anything, I've found people to be a bit disingenuous about their plans. I'm ok if someone says, I'd like to meet the nanny and you, but we are also considering other options (as well they should!). There's just been a lot of looking, meeting, time demands, and then choosing not to do it.

I realize I'm mostly venting, but it's helpful to hear others' perspectives. It's just been a strange and very different process here than in other places. Maybe here in DC people are more indirect and "political."

It's strange how enthusiastically a number of people on these boards have decided to attack me for being explicit and clear about my expectations.

May I ask what's your back up plan OP? Because you clearly have to go back to work.