Neighbor using our nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the mom has to pay someone, shouldn't she pay the OP?

Who's doing the extra work and carrying the extra responsibility, Einstein?

[Anonymous]

I love it when my charges have playdates, it's so much less work assuming the kids get along and the other child isn't a problem. Also, while I arrange playdates with nanny friends, I hate sitting there with SAHMs with whom I have nothing in common, since they're usually so awkward about it. Your nanny may actually like the current arrangement if it only happens for an hour at a time occasionally.

Just make clear to your nanny that you don't expect her to do it and, if at any time it becomes too much/is too annoying, she can just say no and/or tell you and you will put an end to it. I wouldn't unilaterally forbid it though if she's saying it's no problem, since for me it would be not neutral but actually good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I wish you were my MB. My boss thinks I'm the free babysitting service for her friends.

Why do you low her to abuse you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is almost 3 and we have an amazing nanny who cares for her full time. One of our daughter's best friends lives a block away. We aren't good friends with the parents, but friendly in the way you have to be when two little kids are friends. The mother is a SAHN with 2 other kids. Usually our daughters have playdates when we are home on the weekends. But recently, the girl and her mom began coming to our house when the nanny is there. We are totally fine with that. What I am not fine with is that there have been three times when the mom has left for about an hour to do errands.

We were furious when we found out. Our nanny is so nice and said that she really doesn't mind. But it's starting to feel like this has become a free babysitting service. It's particularly annoying that neighbor didn't even ask us if that's alright. We chose not to be in a share for a reason.

Are we making too much of this?

Don't you trust your nanny to take care of herself? Why did you hire this person?

[Anonymous]

Doesn't seem out of control to me.
If it did I'd speak up and say it's getting too frequent.

And yes, the other monagould be paying the OP, not the nanny. Nannies should not be making nor motivated by money on the side from a non full time employer-- wrong incentives, slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not!
I would be livid if someone I wouldn't even call a "friend" would take advantage of both me AND my nanny in this manner!

She never asked you for outright permission & she is definitely taking full advantage of your nanny's kindness.

She sounds like a hustler to me.

Contact her + let her know that you prefer to keep your children's play dates between the parents only.
That your nanny works very hard and that it isn't right for her to be hosting any play dates since they are not in her job description.

Let her know if she has errands that need to be run while the nanny is on duty, she should be willing to pay your nanny for the responsibility of caring for an add'l child.
It would only be fair to the nanny.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

So what happens when your kid is 5 or 6 or 7 years old and wants a friend over?

Maybe a good way to handle this, if you are sensitive to a drop-off play date, is to speak with the family. With their three kids, maybe the mom would like to set something more formal up, like 1-2 mornings a week two hour play date, where she pays the incremental hourly rate to get to a nanny share rate those visits? Just kick it off with a "boy, you must be busy with all those kids and schedules, I know sometimes the girls like to get together and I'm not home. Ever think of xyz??"

Btw, if your nanny has something pop up - urgent appt, snow delay, etc, maybe you could drop your daughter odf over there or they can fill in for 2 hours or so sometimes. Or weekend dropped play dates!! We flip flop some weekends with a family in our neighborhood.

Think about it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny but I can see why you're annoyed. I probably would be as well if I was in your place. That mom is taking advantage of using your nanny as a free drop in sitter so it doesn't really feel like a playdate.

[Anonymous]

Nannies need to be assertive. You are hired to take care of your employer's child(ren) with an OCCASIONAL play date. If it becomes more than this, you tell your MB that this is not acceptable. This is job creep of the worst sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies need to be assertive. You are hired to take care of your employer's child(ren) with an OCCASIONAL play date. If it becomes more than this, you tell your MB that this is not acceptable. This is job creep of the worst sort.

Except in this case it's not because the MB is ready and willing to take on the other mother and put an end to this. The nanny in this particular case doesn't need to be assertive because this will only continue if she says it's ok and her MB is already concerned and unhappy that the situation has occurred. The only reason that this would continue is if the nanny says that she wants it to *and* convinces her MB not to take on the other mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what happens when your kid is 5 or 6 or 7 years old and wants a friend over?

Maybe a good way to handle this, if you are sensitive to a drop-off play date, is to speak with the family. With their three kids, maybe the mom would like to set something more formal up, like 1-2 mornings a week two hour play date, where she pays the incremental hourly rate to get to a nanny share rate those visits? Just kick it off with a "boy, you must be busy with all those kids and schedules, I know sometimes the girls like to get together and I'm not home. Ever think of xyz??"

Btw, if your nanny has something pop up - urgent appt, snow delay, etc, maybe you could drop your daughter odf over there or they can fill in for 2 hours or so sometimes. Or weekend dropped play dates!! We flip flop some weekends with a family in our neighborhood.

Think about it.

+1. I don't see why you're getting "livid" about this....