Who sets the schedule?

[Anonymous]

OP - MB here. I set the schedule for the most part. I can see what is and isn't working based on how the weekends are going and I also factor in our family's needs (i.e.: can't have younger DC napping when older DC needs to be picked up from school, go to an activity, etc.). However, nanny and I typically discuss any changes and she voices her concerns or opinions. She recognizes though that although she is with the kids for 40 hours a week, I see the whole picture. For example, DC was falling asleep during his "quiet time" regularly and clearly still needed a nap, but it was seriously impacting his ability to fall asleep at night. He was waking up for school in the AMs cranky and tired and acting out badly at school, and then falling asleep every afternoon. I know it was easier for nanny to have older DC "resting" when younger DC was napping and clearly it might look like he needed the nap, but in actuality, what he needed was a good night's sleep. I asked her to keep him active during his "rest" so we could put him to bed earlier and although it was painful for the first two weeks, now everything is better - his night sleep, his behavior at school, and the need for a rest in the afternoons is gone.

That said, if the schedule gets thrown off by 15 minutes here or there - or if the kids look like they need to eat early or nap late or if it's a special occasion or whatever, that is just life? Happens with us on the weekends too. But a lot of that is built on mutual trust - I trust our nanny to adhere to the things that are important to me when possible, and I trust her to make the right decision when our set schedule doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. My current MB told me when I started what the rough schedule was (breakfast at 8, lunch at 12, nap at 1, dinner at 6, etc) and what the activities for the week were, and I worked from there seeing what would work best for me and the kids. If there's something special coming up she'll let me know, like if they'll be going out with the kids in the evening she'll ask that they eat dinner a bit earlier, or if they should have an early night because they stayed up late over the weekend. More along the lines of 'would be better if' rather than 'nap at 2 today'.

[Anonymous]

When a MB feels the need to give me a strict schedule to adhere to, it is often because that schedule is in a book MB has decided is the only way to raise her child.

90% of the time the schedule can't be followed because actual life intervenes. For example, the book says baby MUST nap in the crib at 9, noon, and 3. Life says older siblings have carpool at those times, so nap is taken in the car.

I prefer to work with parents who give me a general outline of how they want the day to go, and are willing to adapt and adjust as needed after we talk issues through.