So do all children hit these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What discipline techniques would you like to use other than time outs? Considering the backlash against discipline all together, I think it's good that your current family is open to TOs. So use them and see what results you get. For us, the Magic 123 method works really well.

Love and Logic works longer than time outs or 1-2-3 Magic, and it's about children learning to control their own behavior and make appropriate choices for themselves. Removing toys and/or privileges can work for longer than time outs or 1-2-3 Magic as well, but it's dependent on the adult deciding what the punishment should be, knowing what a child's currency is, and it's not as effective once they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What discipline techniques would you like to use other than time outs? Considering the backlash against discipline all together, I think it's good that your current family is open to TOs. So use them and see what results you get. For us, the Magic 123 method works really well.

Love and Logic works longer than time outs or 1-2-3 Magic, and it's about children learning to control their own behavior and make appropriate choices for themselves. Removing toys and/or privileges can work for longer than time outs or 1-2-3 Magic as well, but it's dependent on the adult deciding what the punishment should be, knowing what a child's currency is, and it's not as effective once they are older.

Very young children cannot make appropriate choices. They are not miniature adults. They are driven by strong emotions that often have no reasoning with. This is why children understand and need simple cause and effect punishments, and also thrive on actual discipline. These emotion-aimed techniques that are so popular today are exactly the reason so many nannies are getting abused by their charges.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that a lot of parents in my kids' preschool practice this form of "punishment-free" discipline. Their kids do want they want, and ignoring their parents results in no consequences. I'm sorry that nannies are being abused as a result of this.

Positive discipline techniques can be helpful, but they don't always work, and particularly will not work for some stronger willed children who are not interested in pleasing adults. Logical consequences can be useful in some instances (for example, kid refuses to wear coat, you let them get cold). But sometimes, your kid will not be able to understand the rationale for why you need them to do something, and they simply need to listen to the adult. We have found 123 Magic to be really useful for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last two families I've nannied for have been for young children who haven't hesitated to hit, kick, and sometimes even bite whenever the smallest thing doesn't go their way. In all my years I've never seen this quite like I am now. I'd encounter it as a passing phase, but most parents quickly nipped it in the bud. Now, with my current family I'm getting hit almost every day. The last family I had was very similar.
As for what I do about it - I've always taken the approach of communication with parents, and following their lead with discipline. The problem is their discipline approach is "barely any discipline"... time outs (which they can't get the kids to stay in), and gentle explanation. Those are only disciplines I've seen these last few years, and it seems to be a popular thing now to never dare be somewhat "mean" (disciplinarian) to your child. Which is leaving me trying to pick up the pieces...and not get bruised.

Is this common now?

I agree with you 100%. you don't go off the wagon with your kids. you just have to learn how to be gentle. You sound like you have an amazing nanny. Lets figure it out Without those great nannies our children can get lost .I am so grateful we found the nanny of my dreams. Shush shush my three girls love her so much .I'm not even kidding Our previous nanny recently stopped working for nannyshare. As a parent I'm know it's hard to find the perfect nanny, soft, gentle and kind aren't attributes that all nannies have. Our nanny is very happy everyday to see her charges. She is confident, positive all the time, dedicated to her work, independent and on time. We treat her very nicely, as we would want to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What discipline techniques would you like to use other than time outs? Considering the backlash against discipline all together, I think it's good that your current family is open to TOs. So use them and see what results you get. For us, the Magic 123 method works really well.

Love and Logic works longer than time outs or 1-2-3 Magic, and it's about children learning to control their own behavior and make appropriate choices for themselves. Removing toys and/or privileges can work for longer than time outs or 1-2-3 Magic as well, but it's dependent on the adult deciding what the punishment should be, knowing what a child's currency is, and it's not as effective once they are older.

Very young children cannot make appropriate choices. They are not miniature adults. They are driven by strong emotions that often have no reasoning with. This is why children understand and need simple cause and effect punishments, and also thrive on actual discipline. These emotion-aimed techniques that are so popular today are exactly the reason so many nannies are getting abused by their charges.

Young children *can* make choices if the adult offers age appropriate options.

I never ask whether a child wants to leave the park, the answer is always going to be no. For some kids, the choices are whether they want to climb up or they want me to lift them in, for other children the choices are whether they want to face me or face the car while I lift them in. If the only choices are things that don't matter to me, it's easy to let a child choose. The more choices a child makes, the more they feel in control, and the more likely they are to obey immediately when I don't offer a choice. I have worked with several children labelled as difficult as well as other children who weren't out of the ordinary, and I have never had a problem helping the kids gain control of themselves. Once they know that they can make choices, they can then be taught that their behavior is a series of choices, and it's up to them to decide how they will behave. Yes, there will be occasional meltdowns for toddlers, but they decrease quickly as the child gets older. Personally, I have more issues with kids when the parents use time outs or 1-2-3, because the parents aren't consistent, so the children constant test to see whether I will be as flexible.

[Anonymous]

I talk with parents on a daily basis. I do not allow children to hit or kick or scream or spit any of the above. It just isn't Ok. If the parents are not on board with disciplining them then I will walk away and give notice. That is just me because I think it's disrespectful that parents would allow this to happen.

[Anonymous]

PS. I use positive reinforcement discipline behavior techniques.

Read up on it because it really works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have decided as a generation to let our children hit adults and never discipline them. I'm sorry you weren't invited to the meeting.

Unfortunately, there are many parents who allow their children to hit, bite, talk back under the guise of " developmentally appropriate" behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We have decided as a generation to let our children hit adults and never discipline them. I'm sorry you weren't invited to the meeting.

Unfortunately, there are many parents who allow their children to hit, bite, talk back under the guise of " developmentally appropriate" behavior.

This.

Elementary aged boy is getting in trouble for tackling and hurting his classmates? He needs OT and nightly massages to learn where his body ends. Couldn't possibly be that he just enjoys being the strongest for once, and karate or aikido lessons are just too much for such a young kid!
Spitting at adults and running away when asked to do something? He just has such a strong personality! Definitely isn't that there are no boundaries or enforceable consequences for him when he acts out.
Becoming such a problem at his (private) school they ask you to keep him home for several weeks? OMG WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY ASS SCHOOL IS THIS.
Etc
Etc
Etc

Teach your damn kids some self-discipline and stop with the special snowflake coddling of crappy behavior.