Need advice. Let go and start over, or...something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Talked to a candidate today who has worked with autistic kids as well as with "troubled" adolescents. Reference calls being made soon.

The more I think about it the more I realize current nanny just can't find her way back to being a good fit. It's too bad as we really liked her and she seemed to be genuinely excited about the job.

Maybe she can babysit occasionally, in that case.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like nanny is not a good fitm but regardless of your son's difficulties you need to make sure you have him apologize for what he says when he's frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Your nanny gave you an ultimatum. That is kinda weird.

That being said, she probably didn't think caring for your son would be as difficult as it is now. Caring for a tough child along w/three others is a HUGE undertaking...For anyone.

I would just let her know that you understand your son can be a handful to care for. You are not disputing that fact. However, he needs someone w/patience, tolerance & more empathy to deal w/him.

Let her know this type of job is not for everyone. But you have to think of your son first + if he is not receiving the type of care that you would like him to receive, then your situation just isn't working out. For any of you.

Give her the option of staying and trying to deal w/him in a more efficient manner. If she doesn't think she can handle it anymore, then no hard feelings. It just isn't a good match.

Look for a new Nanny, but one w/more compassion that also has special needs expertise.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that you need to go the special needs route. Just find someone who has experience with older kids. I think that most nannies are used to the under 5 set, and think that older kids ought to be able to take care of themselves. But elementary schoolers and middle schoolers still have needs from the adult in the home. I would focus on finding someone used to caring for typical older kids.

Have you worked with children who have special needs? It absolutely takes experience, and add three more kids on top of that? OP is right to find a nanny who's taught, tutored, or cared for ADHD kids before.

The first time I worked with a child who had ADHD, I was tutoring 2 other siblings, at the same time, and no, I didn't have any special experience or training. The next child who happened to have ADHD had some of the same mannerisms that the first did, but was a completely different person, and the solutions the first child and I developed would never have worked with the second. It doesn't take someone with special training or special needs experience, it takes a person who has experience with the age group, compassion, patience, creativity, and the willingness to work with the child, not the against the child.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get a different nanny with experience with ADHD kids, and pay THAT market rate which will be higher.
Plus, be totally honest with her during the interview about your son's condition and needs and behavior. or you are doomed to repeat this.

[Anonymous]

When a kid calls you an idiot, you don't need "compassion", you need an ADHD expert.
That language is unacceptable from any child without a disability

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a kid calls you an idiot, you don't need "compassion", you need an ADHD expert.
That language is unacceptable from any child without a disability

Does a pre-teen being a snot mean you can't function in your job? Of course it's unacceptable, just like 100 other behaviors kids are prone to and that we teach them not to continue to do. Unbelievable that an adult decides she can't function in an environment where a pre-teen calls her a name. Once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a kid calls you an idiot, you don't need "compassion", you need an ADHD expert.
That language is unacceptable from any child without a disability

Does a pre-teen being a snot mean you can't function in your job? Of course it's unacceptable, just like 100 other behaviors kids are prone to and that we teach them not to continue to do. Unbelievable that an adult decides she can't function in an environment where a pre-teen calls her a name. Once.

17.22 here. This is precisely what I mean. Every pre-teen gets an attitude, it doesn't matter if the child has sn or is nt. Either the nanny can handle 4 kids simultaneously or not, and if not, OP needs to look for someone with compassion and patience, but not necessarily sn experience.

[Anonymous]

I agree you need a better fitting nanny, but I'm curious how you addressed your son's behavior.
Your post reads like a lot of excuse making and even a nanny with the experience you want will not tolerate that for long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree you need a better fitting nanny, but I'm curious how you addressed your son's behavior.
Your post reads like a lot of excuse making and even a nanny with the experience you want will not tolerate that for long.

Trust me that my son's behavior was thoroughly addressed. I don't make excuses for him. He is required to take responsibility for his behavior and consequences attach.

[Anonymous]

I would still get a new nanny, but also consider having the older one in after care at his school. 4 kids is a lot to handle and the older one might like the activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would still get a new nanny, but also consider having the older one in after care at his school. 4 kids is a lot to handle and the older one might like the activities

A nanny experienced with multiple kids and kids with learning/focus issues won't have a problem with this family. The nanny was the problem, as she refused to work with the child.