What to do when you disagree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

Sure. And then I'd do whatever is best for the child.

OP here and in most cases there is no "best" - just opinion on how. And I will always and have always followed the expressed desires of my employers. As I said, if I truly felt they were wrong, I would quit.

I disagree 100%. Let's take your potty training example. A highly experienced nanny should have a good sense for when a particular child is ready. The parent, who by the way is often with the child for fewer waking hours than the nanny, may certainly have a very different plan in mind.

As a professional nanny, it's my job to make the potty training process as successful as possible, with the least amount of stress (if any) for the child. Part of that requires me to know the best time and the best way to proceed.

While I am certainly as professional and sympathetic to the parents, it my NOT my expertise to step in as THEIR therapist.

And, btw, if all you do is obey random requests from the parents, what makes you a professional?

So if your MB said, "I do not want Larla anywhere near a potty until she is three" - you would put her on the potty at two because you felt she was ready?

There'd probably be no potty to put her on.
And, I'd be onto my next job.
Her kid would likely still be potty training at age five, with a screwed-up parent like that. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Then the nanny should charge extra for that degree of hand-holding.
I have special consultation rates for that.

How is this hand-holding? I'm suggesting a way to answer, then try to shut-down endless conversations about convincing nanny to see MB's way.

hardly handholding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Then the nanny should charge extra for that degree of hand-holding.
I have special consultation rates for that.

How is this hand-holding? I'm suggesting a way to answer, then try to shut-down endless conversations about convincing nanny to see MB's way.

hardly handholding.

So says another needy, control freak.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and totally respect a parents' choices on how to raise their choice. If I truly disagreed with an approach (like Babywise or spanking) I would quit but smaller things like when to potty train or what a child should eat are the parents' choice 100% and I do as requested always.

However, MB asks for my opinion on something (I have my Masters in Early Childhood Education and have been a preschool teacher for two decades) and I give her my opinion. If she disagrees with me I respect it and tell her that I will do as she asks and do not defend my position or bring it up again. I do not get an attitude about it (look - there are a hundred paths to the top of the mountain) and respect her.

But she wants me to agree with her. She will keep at it and want to continue to discuss it until I tell her that she is right. It is starting to wear on me and I am becoming afraid to voice any opinion when asked as I don't want another topic that she can harp on.

What to do?

I'm going to disagree slightly with the PPs who say you should stop giving your opinion. If, as you say, you don't get an attitude about it when you disagree with her, I would go ahead and continue to be honest with her. If she keeps trying to get you to agree with her, just say, I'll do whatever you think is best and that should shut down the discussion.

I have a friend like this. I'm always honest with her and when I get tired of hearing her try to get me to agree with her, I say something about there being a lot of good ways to do something and she should do what she thinks is best. It usually works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Then the nanny should charge extra for that degree of hand-holding.
I have special consultation rates for that.

How is this hand-holding? I'm suggesting a way to answer, then try to shut-down endless conversations about convincing nanny to see MB's way.

hardly handholding.

So says another needy, control freak.

You're simply not making sense pp. I don't understand the vitriol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Then the nanny should charge extra for that degree of hand-holding.
I have special consultation rates for that.

How is this hand-holding? I'm suggesting a way to answer, then try to shut-down endless conversations about convincing nanny to see MB's way.

hardly handholding.

So says another needy, control freak.

You're simply not making sense pp. I don't understand the vitriol.

I'm pretty sure this is the same "nanny vs sitter", "biters are aggressive bullys", and "all parents want to isolate their nanny!" poster (I think she jumps over to the AP forum and accuses everyone of running a slave trade too). She has some pretty deep-seeded issues to work out. Let's just ignore her goading, shall we?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Then the nanny should charge extra for that degree of hand-holding.
I have special consultation rates for that.

How is this hand-holding? I'm suggesting a way to answer, then try to shut-down endless conversations about convincing nanny to see MB's way.

hardly handholding.

So says another needy, control freak.

You're simply not making sense pp. I don't understand the vitriol.

I'm pretty sure this is the same "nanny vs sitter", "biters are aggressive bullys", and "all parents want to isolate their nanny!" poster (I think she jumps over to the AP forum and accuses everyone of running a slave trade too). She has some pretty deep-seeded issues to work out. Let's just ignore her goading, shall we?[/quote]

That is a noble, and worthy, goal OP (ignoring the goading). I periodically strive to do this w/ DCUM, and I fairly routinely fail. But I will keep striving...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if your MB said, "I do not want Larla anywhere near a potty until she is three" - you would put her on the potty at two because you felt she was ready?

I would ask why the parent felt she wasn't ready, whether they noticed that she was bringing a diaper for a change as she as going or before and whether they had discussed it with the pediatrician. On the other hand, I've never had a parent that wanted a child who was ready to wait... I have dealt with a parent that wanted a child fully trained in 2 days time, but the child was not even close to ready yet...