Working with a disabled STAHM (just a sad vent...maybe some advice)

[Anonymous]

Wow. Sounds so sad for everyone involved here, including you OP.

Her husband sounds like a very strong man and I really feel for the children both now and in the future.

While I know it must be devastating to see this dynamic on a daily basis, if you want this position to succeed OP, you must trudge on and focus on all the positives here.

The mother survived which sounds like a miracle in itself. While her quality of life has gone way down, she is alive and able to enjoy her children some of the time. And likewise for them as well.

Try to keep focusing on anything positive you can and keep everyone's spirits lifted.

There is nothing else within your power that you can do anyway, so it is best to just make lemonade right?

By the way, they are also blessed to have a caring and compassionate nanny like you in their lives. You sound like a true gem to me.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who had a stroke and he can email. He doesn't always make sense but he is surprisingly coherent and I think he learned to walk again. Sadly his wife is divorcing him. So, your MB is lucky to have such support. Can she read or type out a few letters? It seems like she might feel more in control if she could communicate better, even if it's like baby signs, or getting her to type y for yes or n for no on an ipad in answer to questions unless she can just nod. Maybe there is a support group for people that had strokes or people close to them. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP have you considered getting any additional training for counseling kids through trauma or working with persons with disabilities? Otherwise, it sounds like you are doing great. Some days you won't feel like you are doing well (as I learned working with a special needs child) and on those days you'll need to remind yourself that just creating a space where this family can interact and love one another is huge in itself. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP have you considered getting any additional training for counseling kids through trauma or working with persons with disabilities? Otherwise, it sounds like you are doing great. Some days you won't feel like you are doing well (as I learned working with a special needs child) and on those days you'll need to remind yourself that just creating a space where this family can interact and love one another is huge in itself. I wish you the best.

The father needs to find a counselor for his children. This I'm s not a nanny's responsibility. If the wife is that bad, she shouldn't even be at home but in an institution geared to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP have you considered getting any additional training for counseling kids through trauma or working with persons with disabilities? Otherwise, it sounds like you are doing great. Some days you won't feel like you are doing well (as I learned working with a special needs child) and on those days you'll need to remind yourself that just creating a space where this family can interact and love one another is huge in itself. I wish you the best.

The father needs to find a counselor for his children. This I'm s not a nanny's responsibility. If the wife is that bad, she shouldn't even be at home but in an institution geared to help her.

I'm the OP and that's extremely offensive to say their mother belongs in an institution. She is still his wife and their mother. She still birthed their children and belongs in the house, she is still family. She is getting the best care and is with those who love her and she loves. It would be so much tougher if she was in a nursing home. Studies show you can make more progress in a familiar place with more direct care.

Although it may not be my responsibility to get the children counseling, it is my responsibility to help my NF in this difficult journey and do what I think is best.

Your response was not at all helpful.

[Anonymous]

God can make a miracle in her life and in the whole family. Pray for them and with them in the name of Jesus our Savior. I believe in Miracles. God is alive and real.