how to discuss discipline changes with MB

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should go back and live with your parents and save up some money until you can get your life back on track and settle into a job you can better handle (not nannying.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should go back and live with your parents and save up some money until you can get your life back on track and settle into a job you can better handle (not nannying.)

I don't have parents I can go back and live with. I had to have surgery a few months ago and the bills wiped out my savings. I have had four years of great nanny work, this is the first time I have ever run into a problem like this. I had to physically move the NK out of the way of an oncoming car today--he saw it coming, I told him he needed to move because there was a car about to hit him, and he stood still, looked back at me and said 'whatever' in a really flat tone of voice and didn't move. How does not being able to handle a kid like that make me a bad nanny? He has serious issues and MB and the therapist keep saying this stuff is developmentally normal, so I'm not getting any support on how to handle it from them. I have really been beating myself up about how if I just read the right book or said the right thing to him or showed him many times how much I care about him, or plan fun activities, or whatever that I could get through to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What consequences do you want to give him?

I'd try out giving him a snack the second he comes out of school. Like literally, on school property. Maybe he's hungry and/or has low blood sugar.

Also, you can not call the mother again and definitely can not ask her to come help you. You are the professional. I'd fire you for not being capable of doing your job. Why do I need you around if you can't handle the kids? So don't call the mother. You need to get the kid to respect your authority. He will not respect your authority if he sees you can't handle him.

I have called my MB three times---once when the kids got in a fist fight and I had to restrain one kid from the other to keep them from seriously injuring each other and the kid scratched me and bit me many times, once when the 5 yo hit me in the kneecap and my knee swelled up and I was having trouble getting around, and today. How would you have handled this situation differently? I already end outings if there's misbehavior and take away special outings at the end of the week if it's been a bad behavior week, and when I do that the 5 yo kicks my seat and screams at me the whole drive home. Please tell me how you would handle this. I feel like an awful nanny, I've never dealt with nanny kids this badly behaved and with issues like this before and it's really devastating me that I am a failure.

I don't think you're a bad nanny. Not the PP above, but to your questions -

For kicking while you're driving - give one warning with a stern voice. If it happens again, pull over as soon as you find a safe place. Get out of the car and remove the kid's shoes. A child doesn't feel the full force of his kicks when his shoes are on - they protect his feet from the impact. When you remove his shoes, it's both a practical consequence because you're forcing him to feel the full sensation of what he's doing, but you're also having a negative consequence because most little kids don't like getting their shoes taken away. Since this kid is prone to running off in the street, you can't really give him a time out on the side walk, but taking his shoes is a way to punish him while keeping him safe, still strapped into his car seat.

For screaming in the car, I quickly roll down the window nearest to the kid so the kid gets some fresh air (whether they want it or not) and I go silent. If I can keep my cool, the rest of the ride home is in silence and there's a time out once we reach our destination. If I feel myself getting really annoyed, I crank up the volume on the radio to drown out the kid.

In terms of introducing discipline and suggesting a system to your employer, I'd bring up 123 Magic - most libraries have a few copies. If you & the parents can read it over the weekend, discuss a plan on Monday, and stick to it together as a team, the kid should start to shape up. I also like the PP's suggestion of just making sure all the kid's physical needs are met as well - good naps, snacks, hydrated, has the opportunity to get his energy out in a productive and safe place. If all of that is in place, then you can feel confident that whatever discipline you do pursue is in response to a behavioral problem, not a biological one.

I love these strategies and employ similar ones myself.
Roll the windows down or turn up the music and sing!
Leave the room and REFUSE to engage in anything when tantrums begin.
Ignore stuff in public and just go about your business like the kid isn't screaming and being mean.

[Anonymous]

I would say that you left after giving appropriate notice because it wasn't a good fit. And them talk about the other families thar were good fits. Honestly fit is huge for nannying on all sides, nanny and parents. And kids, too, actually. Just as one preschool might be great for one child in the family the other child needs a different school.