Is this the right balance?

[Anonymous]

Thank you again for all of your feedback. I really appreciate it.

To the PP who asked why we want to keep our nanny--There are a few things that make me want to keep my nanny: 1) She is an extremely hard worker; 2) Our girls seem to like her (most of the time) and seem happy and well adjusted; 3) She is honest and trustworthy; 4) working with twins is HARD and she seems to have it under control. The parts that are difficult: She can be moody, she doesn't seem as creative/enthusiastic about the girls as she used to be, plus, the previously mentioned fact that she wants to move out and we are stretching our budget. I think we are feeling a little taken for granted lately--if that makes sense? My nanny and I have never had great chemistry--but I respect her professionally a tremendous amount and there are plenty of people that I work with in my professional life that I am not best friends with but have great respect for. That said, when things feel like they are not quite working--I start to feel ambivalent about her...

To the PP who asked about cleaning: The cleaning was nanny's idea and has been part of her job since she started with us. When girls were tiny--I would stay home once a week and care for the girls in the am while she cleaned. Last year, we outsourced the cleaning because it was too much. Nanny was always criticizing cleaners and proposed that she take over when girls were in school. Truthfully, she is a great house cleaner and we could not at this point afford to have a house cleaner and nanny at current salary. That said, the concerns you raise are the ones that I have--is the cleaning plus childcare too much (especially if she isn't loving hanging with pre-schoolers).

Last question: One of the things that concerns me is that I sometimes think she is too direct with them. They can drive us all nuts when they don't listen etc. But when I am at my best--I try to make things into a game, act playful with them, try a few different techniques before I get super direct (e.g. "Who wants to show me how a kitty cat gets in her seat? or "This is how a ballerina gets in her seat...can you do that?" vs "Get in your seat"). More and more--I only hear her using the direct approach and ordering the girls around vs using other methods. I know the other ways take WAY more energy and when I am tired, I am much more apt to order the girls to do things....fair to expect nanny to be gentler/sweeter or is this just how it rolls when you are dealing with two pre-schoolers?

[Anonymous]

It is definitely fair to have a preference with how your children are spoken too.

They are your children.

Just my view

But, I am not a fan of using sugary sweet babyish voices with children.

Making a game out of an activity is fine.

However there are times when you need to be clear and directive with kids. That does not translate to shouting or being nasty.

But sometimes it really needs to be "Susie, sit down in your chair please." As opposed to"Lets sit like princesses."

[Anonymous]

Oh and maybe your nanny would prefer to be a housekeeper instead of a nanny

[Anonymous]

Kids need to learn to follow instructions when an adult asks them to do something. It's fine if you want to play games with your little ones to get them to do what you want, but I wouldn't make a habit of expecting that of everyone else. Once they start kindergarten, there is no way their teacher will play these games with them. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with directly telling them to get in their seats.