Need Opinions: Employers offer no transportation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time they ask you to sit, say you'd love to but will need the cost of the cab ride included in your payment. Don't pose it as a question, don't expect them to draw a conclusion, and don't let people on here convince you that you're crazy. These are your terms, and there is nothing wrong with that. I feel similarly about parents that make me buy my own dinner while sitting for them. Your $50 job just became $30 because I had to order pizza, and now your job isn't worth it.

Parents who have trouble finding and keeping sitters, take note: it shouldn't cost your sitter money to sit for you.

Of course it costs money. Anyone's job costs them money no matter what they do (unless they work for
Home). It costs me money to drive to my NF's house and home again. Same with families I babysit for. If the distance is too far, I decline. OP can most definitely say that they need to be home by X time because she's not comfortable with public transportation past then. But demanding they pay for a cab when public transportation is easily available is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time they ask you to sit, say you'd love to but will need the cost of the cab ride included in your payment. Don't pose it as a question, don't expect them to draw a conclusion, and don't let people on here convince you that you're crazy. These are your terms, and there is nothing wrong with that. I feel similarly about parents that make me buy my own dinner while sitting for them. Your $50 job just became $30 because I had to order pizza, and now your job isn't worth it.

Parents who have trouble finding and keeping sitters, take note: it shouldn't cost your sitter money to sit for you.

Of course it costs money. Anyone's job costs them money no matter what they do (unless they work for
Home). It costs me money to drive to my NF's house and home again. Same with families I babysit for. If the distance is too far, I decline. OP can most definitely say that they need to be home by X time because she's not comfortable with public transportation past then. But demanding they pay for a cab when public transportation is easily available is ridiculous.

Its not demanding. She's setting her policies, which they are free to accept or move on. Yes all jobs cost us in some way, but there is a tipping point of when that cost outweighs the benefit. With a $60 sitting job, that tipping point for most people would be well under what they earn for the night. If getting to your home and dinner eat up half to all of my pay, why the hell would I work for you??? Parents need to be aware of this when they structure a job. If you are going to get home late enough that your non driving sitter has to take a cab, it is in your best interest if you want to keep her, to make sure she actually makes some money for working for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time they ask you to sit, say you'd love to but will need the cost of the cab ride included in your payment. Don't pose it as a question, don't expect them to draw a conclusion, and don't let people on here convince you that you're crazy. These are your terms, and there is nothing wrong with that. I feel similarly about parents that make me buy my own dinner while sitting for them. Your $50 job just became $30 because I had to order pizza, and now your job isn't worth it.

Parents who have trouble finding and keeping sitters, take note: it shouldn't cost your sitter money to sit for you.

Of course it costs money. Anyone's job costs them money no matter what they do (unless they work for
Home). It costs me money to drive to my NF's house and home again. Same with families I babysit for. If the distance is too far, I decline. OP can most definitely say that they need to be home by X time because she's not comfortable with public transportation past then. But demanding they pay for a cab when public transportation is easily available is ridiculous.

Its not demanding. She's setting her policies, which they are free to accept or move on. Yes all jobs cost us in some way, but there is a tipping point of when that cost outweighs the benefit. With a $60 sitting job, that tipping point for most people would be well under what they earn for the night. If getting to your home and dinner eat up half to all of my pay, why the hell would I work for you??? Parents need to be aware of this when they structure a job. If you are going to get home late enough that your non driving sitter has to take a cab, it is in your best interest if you want to keep her, to make sure she actually makes some money for working for you.

And it's up to an intelligent babysitter to also be prepared not to take a job due to the cost of transportation.

[Anonymous]

Ouch! OK, she's learned her lesson - she will say it this way in the future (the way it's been said "I am not comfortable taking the subway/bus at 1 in the morning so if you're going to be home later than 11pm then I won't be able to babysit." I personally wouldn't want to demand that they add the cost of a taxi into the bill - if they said "well, why don't you call a cab?" I'd say "because a cab ride from your house to my apt at that time of night costs $60 and given I'm going to make X amount for babysitting that night, it doesn't make sense for me to do that." Then they could either say they'd split the cost or pay for it all. Or just say ok, we'll find another babysitter. But to demand cab fare I wouldn't say is right, and I'd only do all the explaining if they pushed the "just get a cab."

And if they are late after that conversation (as in, they come in after 11pm after they agreed to it) I would never babysit for them again in the evenings. Just because you are their daytime nanny doesn't mean you have to babysit at nights - my friends who have a nanny use other people for night/weekend babysitting all the time.

[Anonymous]

Why is stating your policy "demanding"? This is business. There is nothing wrong with saying, "if I accept your position, these are my terms". This is a conversation you have before you accept any job. Do you think your MB "asked politely" for her salary and benefits, or do you think its more likely that she had an idea of what she wanted, stated it, and negotiated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is stating your policy "demanding"? This is business. There is nothing wrong with saying, "if I accept your position, these are my terms". This is a conversation you have before you accept any job. Do you think your MB "asked politely" for her salary and benefits, or do you think its more likely that she had an idea of what she wanted, stated it, and negotiated?

I'm an MB and no, I didn't just state what I wanted when being hired for a new job. And it's not the same thing as negotiating salary to just state/demand, whatever you want to call it, terms that aren't standard. Say I have to drive a lot for my job. I don't just tell my boss before hire, "By the way, if you want to hire me you will need to pay for my gas." You say, I'd be happy to take the job BUT it seems like a lot of driving which will be costly so unfortunately I can't accept the position unless you are able to reimburse my gas mileage."

So in OP's case she should say "I'd be happy to babysit for you, however, when you get home after x time I am not comfortable taking the subway so I am unable to babysit unless you will be home before x time or if you can reimburse my cab fare if it is after x time." What she shouldn't say/demand is "I'd be happy to babysit for you but in addition to my usual hourly rate you will have to pay my cab fare."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is stating your policy "demanding"? This is business. There is nothing wrong with saying, "if I accept your position, these are my terms". This is a conversation you have before you accept any job. Do you think your MB "asked politely" for her salary and benefits, or do you think its more likely that she had an idea of what she wanted, stated it, and negotiated?

I'm an MB and no, I didn't just state what I wanted when being hired for a new job. And it's not the same thing as negotiating salary to just state/demand, whatever you want to call it, terms that aren't standard. Say I have to drive a lot for my job. I don't just tell my boss before hire, "By the way, if you want to hire me you will need to pay for my gas." You say, I'd be happy to take the job BUT it seems like a lot of driving which will be costly so unfortunately I can't accept the position unless you are able to reimburse my gas mileage."

So in OP's case she should say "I'd be happy to babysit for you, however, when you get home after x time I am not comfortable taking the subway so I am unable to babysit unless you will be home before x time or if you can reimburse my cab fare if it is after x time." What she shouldn't say/demand is "I'd be happy to babysit for you but in addition to my usual hourly rate you will have to pay my cab fare."

Semantics and niceties. Call it what you will, either way, she is establishing her policies/boundaries. I think it is a matter of stating them, rather than waiting and hoping it happens , or asking. If it is a deal breaker, and it sounds like it is, she needs to communicate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is stating your policy "demanding"? This is business. There is nothing wrong with saying, "if I accept your position, these are my terms". This is a conversation you have before you accept any job. Do you think your MB "asked politely" for her salary and benefits, or do you think its more likely that she had an idea of what she wanted, stated it, and negotiated?

I'm an MB and no, I didn't just state what I wanted when being hired for a new job. And it's not the same thing as negotiating salary to just state/demand, whatever you want to call it, terms that aren't standard. Say I have to drive a lot for my job. I don't just tell my boss before hire, "By the way, if you want to hire me you will need to pay for my gas." You say, I'd be happy to take the job BUT it seems like a lot of driving which will be costly so unfortunately I can't accept the position unless you are able to reimburse my gas mileage."

So in OP's case she should say "I'd be happy to babysit for you, however, when you get home after x time I am not comfortable taking the subway so I am unable to babysit unless you will be home before x time or if you can reimburse my cab fare if it is after x time." What she shouldn't say/demand is "I'd be happy to babysit for you but in addition to my usual hourly rate you will have to pay my cab fare."

Semantics and niceties. Call it what you will, either way, she is establishing her policies/boundaries. I think it is a matter of stating them, rather than waiting and hoping it happens , or asking. If it is a deal breaker, and it sounds like it is, she needs to communicate that.

You can say it's semantics and niceties and pretend that doesn't matter but in real life it does matter. It matters in all aspects of life how you phrase things, not just the bottom line of what you are trying to say. No one really said she should wait and see what happens. Some people said bring it up which is fine but it makes a difference how she says it. You don't go through life demanding things and expect people to do what you want if you don't find a polite way to say it.

[Anonymous]

Semantics and niceties can easily be the difference in being hired or not, being called again to sit or not, or accepting a job/sitting gig or not.

It comes down to attitude and approach. I think the MB's advice was perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Semantics and niceties can easily be the difference in being hired or not, being called again to sit or not, or accepting a job/sitting gig or not.

It comes down to attitude and approach. I think the MB's advice was perfect.

But what exactly is the loss if she has a deal breaker they cannot meet? I'm not saying she needs to saying anything crazy, but I also think the constant advice to placate to an MBs ego leaves nannies and sitters on here afraid to speak up say what they need, as well as what they will and will not accept. What you want and need is important too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Semantics and niceties can easily be the difference in being hired or not, being called again to sit or not, or accepting a job/sitting gig or not.

It comes down to attitude and approach. I think the MB's advice was perfect.

But what exactly is the loss if she has a deal breaker they cannot meet? I'm not saying she needs to saying anything crazy, but I also think the constant advice to placate to an MBs ego leaves nannies and sitters on here afraid to speak up say what they need, as well as what they will and will not accept. What you want and need is important too.

It's not about placating anyone's ego nor has anyone said what she wants or needs isn't important. It's about being a normal, polite person that people want to hire. I get the sense you are very defensive when it comes to MBs (granted I don't know you) so maybe you've been burned in the past. Don't let that cloud your judgement. I'm a PP MB who said if I got home late and knew our babysitter didn't have a car I wouldn't even ask how she planned to get home but I'd insist she take a cab on us. I would, however, probably not hire a babysitter who just announced to me that if I wanted her to babysit she expected me to pay her cab fare. I'm not suggesting she ask or stroke my ego. I'm suggesting she say it in a normal polite manner. I'm not saying it because I'm on a power trip, I'm saying it because normal "nice" people don't demand things and I don't want someone who's not "nice" taking care of my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Semantics and niceties can easily be the difference in being hired or not, being called again to sit or not, or accepting a job/sitting gig or not.

It comes down to attitude and approach. I think the MB's advice was perfect.

But what exactly is the loss if she has a deal breaker they cannot meet? I'm not saying she needs to saying anything crazy, but I also think the constant advice to placate to an MBs ego leaves nannies and sitters on here afraid to speak up say what they need, as well as what they will and will not accept. What you want and need is important too.

It's not about placating anyone's ego nor has anyone said what she wants or needs isn't important. It's about being a normal, polite person that people want to hire. I get the sense you are very defensive when it comes to MBs (granted I don't know you) so maybe you've been burned in the past. Don't let that cloud your judgement. I'm a PP MB who said if I got home late and knew our babysitter didn't have a car I wouldn't even ask how she planned to get home but I'd insist she take a cab on us. I would, however, probably not hire a babysitter who just announced to me that if I wanted her to babysit she expected me to pay her cab fare. I'm not suggesting she ask or stroke my ego. I'm suggesting she say it in a normal polite manner. I'm not saying it because I'm on a power trip, I'm saying it because normal "nice" people don't demand things and I don't want someone who's not "nice" taking care of my children.

Try reading the thread again. And I'm not defensive against MBs, I'm defensive against the idea that a nanny/sitter has to tip toe around important issues so as not to hurt feelings. This leaves many of them afraid to say anything at all. I don't care how she says it, as I've said before you all are arguing semantics, but I think suggestions that she shouldn't bring it up because it isn't standard, or that she should hint and hope, are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I get flamed re title, let me explain. I work with a family that isn't the best match but its a temp job until my regular MB is off maternity leave. On regular work days I always take care of my own transportation, as any adult should. However, I've babysat on weekend nights ( days I didn't work) until very late. Last night my employers were later than they said and didn't get home until 1am. Instead of offering to get me a taxi, I had to take walk and take a subway. I saw DB staring out the door, saying something to MB, possibly about me heading in the direction of the subway. The last time I had to wait outside for a bus to come and while they both saw me waiting outside at 11:30pm, they turned off their lights and went to bed. I know many people are different but I am used employers at least offering for me to wait inside for a ride or offering to get a taxi when its that late on the night. I live in NYC and isn't always the safest for a young woman to our alone at that time. I do drive but there is very little parking by work and no one drives much here. They seem to not care about my safety, whatsoever. Flame away or add if you agree that employers should offer to get a taxi?

If you can't make it home alone as an adult woman I wouldn't trust you with my children.

[Anonymous]

Your options:

1) Don't weekend sit for them.
2) Do sit and tell them you are only free to sit until XX time. Must leave by XX:00. No further explanation needed.
3) Sit until whenever they come home, but ask the dad to walk you to the bus stop. Perfectly reasonable. If he's a gentleman, of course he'll do it.


What not to do:

1) Make any mention of what you can and cannot afford.
2) Ask them to pay for a taxi. Unreasonable if not initially negotiated in.


What you should have done:

1) Considered the possibility of late nights and the resulting transportation issues and negotiated a higher rate. Awkward to do that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I get flamed re title, let me explain. I work with a family that isn't the best match but its a temp job until my regular MB is off maternity leave. On regular work days I always take care of my own transportation, as any adult should. However, I've babysat on weekend nights ( days I didn't work) until very late. Last night my employers were later than they said and didn't get home until 1am. Instead of offering to get me a taxi, I had to take walk and take a subway. I saw DB staring out the door, saying something to MB, possibly about me heading in the direction of the subway. The last time I had to wait outside for a bus to come and while they both saw me waiting outside at 11:30pm, they turned off their lights and went to bed. I know many people are different but I am used employers at least offering for me to wait inside for a ride or offering to get a taxi when its that late on the night. I live in NYC and isn't always the safest for a young woman to our alone at that time. I do drive but there is very little parking by work and no one drives much here. They seem to not care about my safety, whatsoever. Flame away or add if you agree that employers should offer to get a taxi?

If you can't make it home alone as an adult woman I wouldn't trust you with my children.

+1. I have cousins like this; women in their 30s who really should still live at home with their parents, because they are convinced there is no safe way for women to live in the world by themselves.