I Pay You Half My Salary

[Anonymous]

MB here and I think it's wrong to make these kinds of comments. I decided to hire a nanny, I decided to retain the nanny because that is the solution that works best for our family. The extent to which that may or may not be financially challenging for me and my husband is not the nanny's problem - nor should it be on her mind at all.

If I can't afford a nanny then I shouldn't hire one. If I do hire one I need to be prepared to treat him/her professionally.

I also think that kind of professionalism should extend both ways. It makes me extremely uncomfortable when our nanny talks about her financial challenges. It makes me feel like she's wrangling for more money, or hoping we'll pay her bills, or I don't know what. She is paid competitively, gets generous raises/bonuses etc... so I hate being put in the position of feeling guilty or responsible somehow.

That goes both ways.

I'm sorry this kind of behavior seems so common from employers - it's just wrong.

This happens all.the.time. Nannies are all about the guilt and asking to have their bills paid because, after all, they care "for your most precious possession".

Their manipulation is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

MB here. I've never ever made a comment to our nanny about how much her salary affects us. It's our choice to have a nanny and it would be completely inappropriate for me to talk about that with her. What really annoys me though is our nannies assumption that we are rolling in money. DH and I are both physicians but despite common misconceptions, that does not mean we are rich. We actually pay the nanny more than I make. That's a choice we made though so it's not her problem but it really bothers me when she makes comments about things we should do or buy when it is WAY out of our budget. If I make a comment like we can't afford that she makes a face like she doesn't believe me. It's none of her business but comments like that make me want to tell her she makes more than I do (I wouldn't actually say it but sometimes I want to).

I'm not saying that's the case in your situation OP but no one knows what some else's financial situation is without actually seeing their bank account so I don't think anyone (nanny or employer) should make assumptions or discuss finances.

[Anonymous]

What rude and inconsiderate people to actually verbalize such words in front of you. As if by hiring you, they are being put out.

I wouldn't be able to work for anyone who would make me feel as if I were going to put them in the soup kitchen next week.

To me it wouldn't be worth it.

I would rather walk barefoot on broken glass ten times over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I've never ever made a comment to our nanny about how much her salary affects us. It's our choice to have a nanny and it would be completely inappropriate for me to talk about that with her. What really annoys me though is our nannies assumption that we are rolling in money. DH and I are both physicians but despite common misconceptions, that does not mean we are rich. We actually pay the nanny more than I make. That's a choice we made though so it's not her problem but it really bothers me when she makes comments about things we should do or buy when it is WAY out of our budget. If I make a comment like we can't afford that she makes a face like she doesn't believe me. It's none of her business but comments like that make me want to tell her she makes more than I do (I wouldn't actually say it but sometimes I want to).

I'm not saying that's the case in your situation OP but no one knows what some else's financial situation is without actually seeing their bank account so I don't think anyone (nanny or employer) should make assumptions or discuss finances.

Why do you employ a nanny if you pay her more than you make? Explain this to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I've never ever made a comment to our nanny about how much her salary affects us. It's our choice to have a nanny and it would be completely inappropriate for me to talk about that with her. What really annoys me though is our nannies assumption that we are rolling in money. DH and I are both physicians but despite common misconceptions, that does not mean we are rich. We actually pay the nanny more than I make. That's a choice we made though so it's not her problem but it really bothers me when she makes comments about things we should do or buy when it is WAY out of our budget. If I make a comment like we can't afford that she makes a face like she doesn't believe me. It's none of her business but comments like that make me want to tell her she makes more than I do (I wouldn't actually say it but sometimes I want to).

I'm not saying that's the case in your situation OP but no one knows what some else's financial situation is without actually seeing their bank account so I don't think anyone (nanny or employer) should make assumptions or discuss finances.

Why do you employ a nanny if you pay her more than you make? Explain this to me.

Not the PP but as a MB I can say that a family might choose to hire a nanny despite it being financially challenging in the short term in order for both parents to maintain their skill levels and hence their earnings power in their careers in the long term. I can imagine that especially as doctors, if one parent stayed at home they might find it difficult to re-enter the workforce at the same level. And a nanny might be a better option for them than daycare for various reasons, i.e. it might be more developmentally appropriate for a child given their age or temperament, or a nanny might be more economical than daycare if the family has a lot of kids.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine a nanny making more than a doctor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a nanny making more than a doctor

Maybe not, but a nanny could easily net more than a primary care doctor nets after paying the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I've never ever made a comment to our nanny about how much her salary affects us. It's our choice to have a nanny and it would be completely inappropriate for me to talk about that with her. What really annoys me though is our nannies assumption that we are rolling in money. DH and I are both physicians but despite common misconceptions, that does not mean we are rich. We actually pay the nanny more than I make. That's a choice we made though so it's not her problem but it really bothers me when she makes comments about things we should do or buy when it is WAY out of our budget. If I make a comment like we can't afford that she makes a face like she doesn't believe me. It's none of her business but comments like that make me want to tell her she makes more than I do (I wouldn't actually say it but sometimes I want to).

I'm not saying that's the case in your situation OP but no one knows what some else's financial situation is without actually seeing their bank account so I don't think anyone (nanny or employer) should make assumptions or discuss finances.

Why do you employ a nanny if you pay her more than you make? Explain this to me.

Not the PP but as a MB I can say that a family might choose to hire a nanny despite it being financially challenging in the short term in order for both parents to maintain their skill levels and hence their earnings power in their careers in the long term. I can imagine that especially as doctors, if one parent stayed at home they might find it difficult to re-enter the workforce at the same level. And a nanny might be a better option for them than daycare for various reasons, i.e. it might be more developmentally appropriate for a child given their age or temperament, or a nanny might be more economical than daycare if the family has a lot of kids.

I'm the first PP quoted there and this is exactly why I work. It's complicated but I mostly work part-time. I want to be home with my kids but if I stopped working completely I'd lose my skills and I could never go back. Someday when the kids are older I will go back to full-time work. I have a complicated work schedule though because while most weeks I only work 2-3 days there are weeks where I work 5 days (approximately once every other month). I tried a part-time nanny but that didn't work out because of the weeks I needed full-time care. So...now I pay a nanny full-time when I work part-time, so yes, we pay her more than I make. Obviously, financially right now it would make more sense for me to stay home but then my career would be over. Since I'm not willing to give it up forever, nor am I willing to work full-time and not be around as much for my kids, this is our situation.

To reiterate: this was MY decision and has nothing to do with the nanny, nor should it be her concern. But it annoys me when the nanny assumes we are rolling in cash just because we are both physicians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a nanny making more than a doctor

Maybe not, but a nanny could easily net more than a primary care doctor nets after paying the nanny.

Not buying it.
Maybe if one parent was a doctor in a low income clinic and the nanny was some high paid nanny in nyc or something. Otherwise I call bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a nanny making more than a doctor

Maybe not, but a nanny could easily net more than a primary care doctor nets after paying the nanny.

Not buying it.
Maybe if one parent was a doctor in a low income clinic and the nanny was some high paid nanny in nyc or something. Otherwise I call bs.

Ok, not that it's any of your business but here's how it works. I'm a physician. I get paid $900/week GROSS. My take home is $750/week. Our nanny gets $19/hr for 40 hours plus 11 of OT so her GROSS is 1,073/week. Her net is $800/week. We started out paying her $19/hr for 40hrs with 2hr of OT. After 1 month she decided her take home wasn't enough because the previous family she worked for had her working 50+hrs/week so she netted 800/week. She wanted 800/week from us so we increased her hours. Now she makes more than I do. Believe it, don't believe it, I don't care but I'm pretty sick of the attitude that physicians are making millions. Not in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a nanny making more than a doctor

Maybe not, but a nanny could easily net more than a primary care doctor nets after paying the nanny.

Not buying it.
Maybe if one parent was a doctor in a low income clinic and the nanny was some high paid nanny in nyc or something. Otherwise I call bs.

Ok, not that it's any of your business but here's how it works. I'm a physician. I get paid $900/week GROSS. My take home is $750/week. Our nanny gets $19/hr for 40 hours plus 11 of OT so her GROSS is 1,073/week. Her net is $800/week. We started out paying her $19/hr for 40hrs with 2hr of OT. After 1 month she decided her take home wasn't enough because the previous family she worked for had her working 50+hrs/week so she netted 800/week. She wanted 800/week from us so we increased her hours. Now she makes more than I do. Believe it, don't believe it, I don't care but I'm pretty sick of the attitude that physicians are making millions. Not in this day and age.

Financial management should be taught in med school. I can understand why having a nanny would be beneficial to your schedule, but it would probably be more prudent to find a nanny within your budget.

BTW your nanny sounds unprofessional and like she's taking advantage of you. Who asks for a raise after working a month and who in their right mind would give the nanny one?

[Anonymous]

Please. Most people don't think your run of the mill dr makes millions of dollars. You should have found a nanny more within your budget.

[Anonymous]

I am not a nanny, but worked for a small company. Boss complained to me that he had to pay his kids college fees, their wedding. He was no longer making money, but managed to buy a new car

All of that must have been my fault.
After I got a new job he wrote me a nice letter. I did not reply and have not been in contact since. I definitely do not want any contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine a nanny making more than a doctor

Maybe not, but a nanny could easily net more than a primary care doctor nets after paying the nanny.

Not buying it.
Maybe if one parent was a doctor in a low income clinic and the nanny was some high paid nanny in nyc or something. Otherwise I call bs.

Ok, not that it's any of your business but here's how it works. I'm a physician. I get paid $900/week GROSS. My take home is $750/week. Our nanny gets $19/hr for 40 hours plus 11 of OT so her GROSS is 1,073/week. Her net is $800/week. We started out paying her $19/hr for 40hrs with 2hr of OT. After 1 month she decided her take home wasn't enough because the previous family she worked for had her working 50+hrs/week so she netted 800/week. She wanted 800/week from us so we increased her hours. Now she makes more than I do. Believe it, don't believe it, I don't care but I'm pretty sick of the attitude that physicians are making millions. Not in this day and age.

In other words, you and your nanny make roughly the same amount of money except she works full time and you work part time. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a nanny, but worked for a small company. Boss complained to me that he had to pay his kids college fees, their wedding. He was no longer making money, but managed to buy a new car

All of that must have been my fault.
After I got a new job he wrote me a nice letter. I did not reply and have not been in contact since. I definitely do not want any contact

Don't burn your bridges. You may very well need to use him as a job reference in the future.