How to handle nanny asking to bring her own grandchild to our home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez OP, she was just asking. It was a yes or no question. No need to feel taken advantage of or like it was an aggressive act on her part. SHE WAS JUST ASKING. If the answer is no, just say no. If you never ask for anything in life, then you never get anything. If you do ask for something, maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't, but you definitely won't if you don't ask. Haven't you ever asked an employer for ANYTHING?

Relax or this parenting thing is going to be really hard on you.

I completely disagree. IT DOES HURT TO ASK. The MB/DB are now in an unpleasant situation. The nanny should have known better than to ask such a huge imposition on the family she is working for. People do not like to say "no" in general - so be very judicious about when you feel you should put them, and you, in the position of denying or being denied a request.

I have quit nanny jobs for being asked various favors too often. I got tired and increasingly uncomfortable always having to say no.

This nanny was wrong in even asking! She is asking if she can take care of another baby with the OP's baby 20% of her work time! One day a week - 20% of her paid hours!

wah, they're in an unpleasant situation. We can't have that now, can we? Everyone must be completely comfortable at all times. OP needs to keep in mind that while she absolutely has the right to say no, it puts her in the situation where she really can't ask for any favors from the nanny either.

Nonsense. The nanny was way out of line. This "favor" request was beyond the pale. Of course both nanny and MB can request reasonable favors from each other in the future - asking someone to work late occasionally or take a morning off is hardly the same as asking that one-fifth of paid work time be split between your baby and the nanny's baby.


It's sad that you cannot understand that. Your work life in any field will be difficult for you.

You sound like a very difficult person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has every right to say no, just like nanny had every right to ask. For all we know this is a make or break situation for her, and she may decide to quit in order to do it any way. If that's the case, then there was certainly no harm in asking OP.

FWIW OP, I would think of this request less as a favor, and more as a request to re-negotiate the work agreement. This means you could ask for something in return. Would you be more willing if you were paying a lower nanny share rate for that day? Because I think you'd be justified in negotiating that, or some other benefit to you in exchange for this.

I love this. I would consider a substantial change in my nanny duties as a re-negotiation of my contract. It is fair that it goes both ways. Perhaps grandma would love a day with the little one and the nanny will have to give up that day and the pay. Perhaps the nanny will have to attend an organized children's activity to ensure that day does not become a slack day. Be creative. If you are not open to any change then just say 'no' and it is also fair to still get several weeks notice if its make or break for her.

[Anonymous]

You have a valid point when you bring up the attention factor OP.

Your child would be getting less one-on-one attention during the day that your nanny would have her grand daughter and yet you will still be paying her the same rate. That would not sit well with me.

Also, like you said, it was not part of the original work agreement/contract that an add'l baby would be in the picture, if only once a week.

I understand that she wants to help her out her daughter and that is good, but you have a newborn baby that needs full-on attention and care at this point and that is the service you are paying your nanny for and the service she agreed to provide.

You are by no means obligated to accommodate an add'l infant, even once a week. I wouldn't.

So unless you are feeling quite charitable towards her and her daughter, I would kindly ask that she find someone to watch the baby for her so she can adequately provide care for yours as initially agreed upon.

[Anonymous]

OP are you asking for feedback on whether it was offensive of her to ask or whether you should consider taking her up on it? If it's the first then you are overreacting. Many people are addressing the merits of a sharing arrangement but I don't understand your question to be whether you should do it or not, just whether it was an insult to bring it up.

I don't think a politely worded inquiry should be treated as an insult. You'll have enough genuinely offensive things to deal with in life without shaping this into one.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a lot to ask that she bring her grandchild once a week. I'd feel differently if it was an occasional thing if her daughter was in a bind.