Nanny wouldn't let me pay her -wwyd?

[Anonymous]

I think there was some miscommunication here.

I think your new nanny took this as an invite for a dinner party while you took it as some babysitting help thus the confusion over the paycheck at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. I definitely have some good ideas to consider. It seems her personality to give a lot and not ask for much in return so I'm trying to give her in other ways. I tried to stock foods she likes but she wouldn't tell me what I could buy for her. She brings her own food even though I told her to please help herself to anything we have. I figured out a few things she likes and made sure we had it but she won't eat anything when I offer it to her. I've told her how happy we are with her and how much we appreciate her and she says the same thing about us. I'm trying not to force things on her but I'm hoping she'll get more comfortable with us and take me up on some of my offers. I definitely plan to give her some bonuses.

You sound like a good MB, OP. My employers have never offered me so much as a glass of water and expect the world for free (like ironing the kids clothes on my time at my home, staying late with no notice, wanting me to work charges birthday parties for free as a gift to the child, trying to get me to change my hours so that they can take advantage of free babysitting when their parents come over...).

Yes, I am starting a new job in the fall.

Stay kind and appreciative, OP, and you will have a nanny who stays with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there was some miscommunication here.

I think your new nanny took this as an invite for a dinner party while you took it as some babysitting help thus the confusion over the paycheck at the end.

Perhaps, but I was pretty clear when I asked her to come. She asked me to text her about her start date and any other days I wanted her to work before she officially started. I asked her about the family event plus 1 other day. I paid her for the other day so I'm not sure why she would assumed I wouldn't pay her for this day. My text specifically said is it possible for you to [/i]work[i] 2 other days before your official start date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. I definitely have some good ideas to consider. It seems her personality to give a lot and not ask for much in return so I'm trying to give her in other ways. I tried to stock foods she likes but she wouldn't tell me what I could buy for her. She brings her own food even though I told her to please help herself to anything we have. I figured out a few things she likes and made sure we had it but she won't eat anything when I offer it to her. I've told her how happy we are with her and how much we appreciate her and she says the same thing about us. I'm trying not to force things on her but I'm hoping she'll get more comfortable with us and take me up on some of my offers. I definitely plan to give her some bonuses.

You sound like a good MB, OP. My employers have never offered me so much as a glass of water and expect the world for free (like ironing the kids clothes on my time at my home, staying late with no notice, wanting me to work charges birthday parties for free as a gift to the child, trying to get me to change my hours so that they can take advantage of free babysitting when their parents come over...).

Yes, I am starting a new job in the fall.

Stay kind and appreciative, OP, and you will have a nanny who stays with you.

Thank you. I'm sorry you have such an unappreciative employer. There are good ones out there. I hope you have a better experience with your new job. We are very lucky to have found this wonderful nanny. Not because she wouldn't let me pay her but because she is really fantastic with the children and as an added bonus she also really goes above and beyond to be helpful. I have found that the best nanny/employer relationships are ones of mutual respect. I would absolutely go above and beyond for her as she has done for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. I definitely have some good ideas to consider. It seems her personality to give a lot and not ask for much in return so I'm trying to give her in other ways. I tried to stock foods she likes but she wouldn't tell me what I could buy for her. She brings her own food even though I told her to please help herself to anything we have. I figured out a few things she likes and made sure we had it but she won't eat anything when I offer it to her. I've told her how happy we are with her and how much we appreciate her and she says the same thing about us. I'm trying not to force things on her but I'm hoping she'll get more comfortable with us and take me up on some of my offers. I definitely plan to give her some bonuses.

You are incredibly kind. I have had access to food offered but did not take them up in it unless there were items set aside for my sole use. I was just worried about taking too much or unknowingly crossing a boundary (what if they mean everything but their one favorite item?).

This is what I meant by exhausting. When every gesture is met with "oh no, I couldn't possibly!," then it can quickly become difficult to maintain an employee/employer relationship. When the relationship has existed for a long time and you know each other well, extra kindnesses are easier and more organic, but in the beginning, I think can lead to unspoken expectations on both sides. For example, MB may think she is a lovely woman who is just a true giver and never give it another thought, while nanny may think she is "going above and beyond" by refusing perks, or working extra.

[Anonymous]

So jealous! Hope to find a nanny like yours