My Au Pair was sent home. I feel depressed and sad.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of things a girl can do to get sent back home - most of them involve breaking the law, health issues or doing something that renders them unable to take care of kids.

For instance, if they get pregnant, they go home.
If they get their license revoked and can't drive because of carelessness, they go home.

Much of it comes down to whether they have done something to break the trust of the HF and then if that offense is something that renders them unable to rematch.

Would you want to hire an AP who had her license revoked for impaired driving?

[Anonymous]

I said South America b/c that is the group of girls I know and they are in the DC area as au pairs. they party/rave all night and are out every
weekend. a couple of them have instagram accts with pictures of the kids they watch (which are lovely) alternating with very hard partying.

these are sweet girls, very responsible with their charges. There is no doubt about that. and no, they are no different than many american girls that hold responsible jobs. I worry about them though b/c they are young and not at home. I am not sure their host family has any idea how hard they party and some of the dangerous situations they are putting themselves in.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, this worries me.

My AP is from Germany and she's on the quiet side, but her BFF AP (also from Germany) is WILD. I don't understand how they became so close, but it always makes me nervous when they go out together. I have said several times to be careful and not drink, because she's newly 20 and it's not legal. Our agency WILL send APs home who get into this kind of trouble. (APIA)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this worries me.

My AP is from Germany and she's on the quiet side, but her BFF AP (also from Germany) is WILD. I don't understand how they became so close, but it always makes me nervous when they go out together. I have said several times to be careful and not drink, because she's newly 20 and it's not legal. Our agency WILL send APs home who get into this kind of trouble. (APIA)

You just need to be really, really clear about the consequences. We had a 19 yo AP from Germany and she was great about it. She and a bunch of under 21s all became pals and would do stuff when the older ones went out. We sat her down at the beginning of the year and made it clear that while we were not personally in favor of the 21 drinking age, it was a LAW and that WE would be the ones to call the LCC if we found out she had been drinking. (Not sure we really would have, but I wanted to get the idea through to her that escaping detection wasn't going to be easy.) She got it and was great about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree that families should be very clear with APs about American laws about drinking, simply because these laws may be very different from the laws and customs of the AP's country. I am from Europe and came to the US in my 30's, spending my first year in NH. in my country there is no minimum drinking age, and there are no laws regulating where people are allowed to drink and carry alcohol. I grew up in a family of very moderate drinkers (my parents love wine but they drink wine only when they have friends over for dinner, and just a glass), I was allowed to taste wine as a teen ager, and my parents generally tried to educate me to drink very responsibly. I was aware that in most states in the US you need to be 21 to buy/drink alcohol, but I did not know much else. once I went to dinner with a friend and we had pizza a small bottle of beer. because I do not really drink, at the end of dinner my bottle of beer was still full (but open). when we left I took it with me, and my friend drove me home. he mentioned that I could not carry the open bottle with me in the car with him, but I though he was joking (the idea that, as a front seat passenger, I could not hold an open bottle of beer in my hand seemed so incredible, I thought he was making fun of me). I learned the day after that we could have been arrested because apparently in NH an open container of alcohol cannot be within reach of the driver (so it could have been in the trunk, but not in the front passenger's hand), and I am very respectful of the laws and I am not even a drinker (the bottle was full because I had not drank anything). similar thing happened in DC when I was told that I was not allowed to walk outside of a Mexican restaurant downtown holding a glass of wine or beer (I could hold it standing on the sidewalk inside the area of the restaurant, but not outside). these rules can be very strange for people who come from other countries. especially with young APs, I think families should have a good conversation and make these rules very clear, their consequences and how they are enforced.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend hiring a Mormon nanny. You don't have to worry about this behavior!
There is an agency that specializes in LDS nannies and makes sure that the nannies are connected to the local ward in their nannying location.

[Anonymous]

ycnanny.com for Mormon nannies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend hiring a Mormon nanny. You don't have to worry about this behavior!
There is an agency that specializes in LDS nannies and makes sure that the nannies are connected to the local ward in their nannying location.

And I highly recommend you stay away from ycnanny. We got 2 completely awful placements from them, which were not the wholesome, helpful "as marketed" girls they say they are placing--the first had serious mental health issues and ended up in alcohol rehab/institutional care for attempted suicide within months after her short stint with us, and the second we still get porn ads for in our mail and learn about the lies she spread in our neighborhood . . . But what was worse was the complete lack of professionalism of the placement director as we attempted to deal with the problems these nannies created in our home. It was a real learning experience for our family. I have thought on and off about suing them, but instead, I just warn people when I can.

[Anonymous]

OP, the agencies are typically VERY clear with the au pairs about DUI issues. I'm really sorry you lost an au pair you liked. Im sorry to you for and your kids for the inconvenience and disruption. Im generally by empathetic to au pairs because i see so many beibg mistreated but in this case im having a hard time extending my empathy to the au pair. As far as your guilt, realize (and this is critical for all AP hiring and management t decisions going forward ) that you need to expect your chosen au pair is more an authority figure than a child in need of your management. I would sooner rematch an immature au pair than feel the need to take her by the hand and feel responsilbity for her inappropriate actions.

[Anonymous]

I agree, but still is sad when things don't work out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course she was sent home. Really ANY non citizen who is found guilty of ANY crime (to include jaywalking!) should be deported immediately. We have enough criminals of our own in this country.

Wish they held out millions of illegal immigrants to the same standard as we do the AU Pairs on a work visa.

Hypocrisy at its finest.

[Anonymous]

This girls come to US for freedom from,liberty ,don't fill guilt their are very annoying..

[Anonymous]

To the mom whose au pair returned home, I am soooo sorry. It sounds like you experienced a great loss, this girl was a part of your family and everyone was emotionally connected to her. And to have a family member to suddently disappear, well its very painful. A part of your heart has been ripped part. I am soo sorry! You are in the grieving process so it should be painful for you right now. Some of these girls dont realize the negative impact of their behavior. I know an au pair who is totally immature and to be honest, she has severe emotional problems and really does not care about the impact of her behavior. Unfortunately, some of these girls are just immature and it will take years before they realize the negative impact of their behavior and some of these au pairs have bad character and will never mature and grow out of their immaturity....so sorry host mom!!!

[Anonymous]

And I want to say to the mom whose au pair was sent home, there is nothing you could have done or said to the au pair to change her behavior. She was told the rules of American, some coordinator told her again and again and again that she MUST abide by the rules of America or she would be sent home. This girl knew the rules and she decided to disobey the rules. Maybe you saw her breaking the rules and did not say anything but the fact remains that this girl knew the rules and still chose to break the rules....your feelings of grief are normal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend hiring a Mormon nanny. You don't have to worry about this behavior!
There is an agency that specializes in LDS nannies and makes sure that the nannies are connected to the local ward in their nannying location.

Or you could just get a mormon au pair through the major au pair companies. We have one. We weren't specifically looking for a mormon but some one who doesn't drink generally & wouldn't be having overnight boyfriends.