TODDLER INJURED DUE TO LACK OF SUPERVISION - WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

[Katiee]

Believe me - we were very clear about our expectations. We discussed things like honesty in a very detailed way. Your expectations and reality sometimes just don't go together.

Maybe we are not lucky with nannies. However, when I speak to other moms in DC - they have similiar problems. Nannies watching TV instead of working, nannies ignoring crying kids, nannies feeding toddlers with chocolate, etc.

It's an old article but if you have a minute check it out:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/08/17/real.life.nanny.diaries/

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom in DC. I have a fantastic nanny. It takes work and care to manage the relationship but I trust her wholeheartedly. And if one of my kids sustained an injury on her watch I would have absolute confidence that the nanny was in no way at fault.

[nannydebsays]

Katiee wrote:Believe me - we were very clear about our expectations. We discussed things like honesty in a very detailed way. Your expectations and reality sometimes just don't go together.

Maybe we are not lucky with nannies. However, when I speak to other moms in DC - they have similiar problems. Nannies watching TV instead of working, nannies ignoring crying kids, nannies feeding toddlers with chocolate, etc.

It's an old article but if you have a minute check it out:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/08/17/real.life.nanny.diaries/

The article you posted discusses a mom's failures to hire a good nanny. This quote seems to apply most to your situation:

"Like any relationship, the mom/nanny one can suffer most by inconsistent communication, lack of respect or unfair expectations."

Your nanny, if she is lying in ways large and small to you and your neighbors and their nannies, is providing inconsistent communication, lack of respect AND unfair expectations.

Since you don't detail how you believe she was negligent when your son was injured, I can't comment on that. But if she's lying, it doesn't matter how "good" she is, she needs to be let go for cause.

And if your next nanny lies to you, and you have irrefutable proof, ask her why she isn't telling the truth. Offer that open communication and clear the air if possible so you don't have to search for a new nanny again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Moms,

Our nanny has been with us 4 months. On one hand, she takes good care of our 3-year-old son. He likes her. She seems responsible. However, our son ended up in ER because of her negligence…! He needed stitches. It was a traumatic experience for all of us, especially for our poor baby.

The other issue is that over time we have discovered several small and big lies. When confronted about the big lie, she denied the underlying cause to our face.

Sometimes she lies about something she does not need to lie about.

We think it must be something pathological. She may be a habitual or compulsive liar.

It's such a bummer to find a new nanny so we are not looking forward to this however we have some doubts. We don’t trust her. We think that unnecessary lies raise a red flag and a dishonest nanny is never a good thing.


What would you do?

Thanks for your input,

Kate

It doesn't sound like you understand what caregiver qualities are essential.

[Anonymous]

Is she a Philipino nanny? Many nannies of that origin are known to be great with kids, but lie about everything- all the small things. It's in their culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she a Philipino nanny? Many nannies of that origin are known to be great with kids, but lie about everything- all the small things. It's in their culture.

I don't think so.

[Katiee]

No, she is not Philipino. South America.

[Katiee]

"It doesn't sound like you understand what caregiver qualities are essential."


What caregiver qualities are essential in your opinion?

[Anonymous]

Katiee wrote:"It doesn't sound like you understand what caregiver qualities are essential."


What caregiver qualities are essential in your opinion?

I'm not the PP you quoted but to me, honesty is one of the most important! Even if they are small lies I don't understand how you can trust the nanny with your child. I'm also not sure what advice you are looking for here because you seem a little defensive when people are telling you to let the nanny go. To me it's a no brainer. She isn't honest AND she didn't supervise your child who then was hurt as a result. Either one by itself is reason enough for me. It doesn't matter how nice she may seem with your child. We have never had trouble finding a good nanny here in DC, you should be able to find one who is both good with your child AND honest.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,

First of all please stop typing in all caps. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE YELLLING AT US. Second, if you are posting on here for advice about a negligent, lying nanny and people advise you to fire her and you say she's the best you've had, then it makes us question your judgment. It sounds as if you want permission from us to continue w/ this nanny even though you know you should get rid of her.

I feel sorry for your child. He's too young to know better, but you're not.

[Katiee]

Sorry for the caps. I wasn't logged in and I cannot change them right now.

I asked for advice as I have never met that kind of person before - on one hand very polite, nice, clean, energetic, creative, etc. On the other - she keeps telling you lies.

It's true it's the best nanny my son ever had as he really likes her and they have so much fun together. She taught him a lot of things in 4 months. It's impressive. And I only try to be very objective and fair.

Anyway, we have already decided to fire her so I took your advice seriously.

Don't be sorry for my DC. He is very happy with her. He doesn't understand what "lying" is.

I'm sorry for him as he will have to adjust to a new nanny. And it's usually pretty stressful experience.

[Anonymous]

Katiee, please browse the forums here to get DCUMers' thoughts on interview questions, how to choose a nanny, average pay rates and benefits, etc. It sounds like *something* is going wrong in your hiring process; hopefully some reading here can help you identify what it is before you begin your new search!

[Anonymous]

I agree that the whole process of starting over and searching for another nanny from scratch is no fun, but OP isn't the safety and health of your children so worth it??

How can you go to work every day knowingly leaving your child w/someone you don't trust at all and also who does not have their utmost safety in mind? As a mother, I could not even walk out of the room.

If someone lies about little things, then you better believe they are lying about other more important things as well. It could be compulsive or pathological...Who really cares at this point? She's proven herself to be a liar, a person of no integrity and also someone who has put your child in danger to the point of him needing emergency medical treatment.

Fire her. Now. Right now.

I wouldn't give her the standard 2 week notice. That is too long a stretch to put your child in such a precarious position OP. Today is Friday, tell her not to come back next week.

You might have to take some time off of work, your husband may too.

But being a parent is all about your children, they come first and you must sacrifice everything to ensure they are safe and healthy.

There are too many loving, attentive and responsible nannies out of work right now to have to deal with this incompetent piece of work.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Fire her. There are better nannies out there, trust me. I have one. And trust should be the cornerstone of your relationship. She has your CHILD.

[Katiee]

Thank you very much for all your comments and advice. How much notice would you give her?