Potential employer wants to tour my home before committing to hiring me?

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry but I believe in professional and personal boundaries and since I will not be caring for your child in my home your request to tour my home seriously crosses both. Thank you for the interview but I don't believe we will be a good match."

^^^ That is exactly what I would say to the parents. Seriously - why do people feel like they can totally cross personal boundaries with their household staff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry but I believe in professional and personal boundaries and since I will not be caring for your child in my home your request to tour my home seriously crosses both. Thank you for the interview but I don't believe we will be a good match."

^^^ That is exactly what I would say to the parents. Seriously - why do people feel like they can totally cross personal boundaries with their household staff?

Because they have no clue how to be an employer, people get loopy when it comes to their kids, and they don't see it as a professional situation (they would freak out if their boss asked to see their home).

[Anonymous]

MB here. I think it's completely inappropriate for an employer to ask to see your home. Your home is your business, not theirs. I also think asking to meet a nanny's parents is inappropriate. If I were hiring a young teen as a mother's helper, maybe, but not a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry but I believe in professional and personal boundaries and since I will not be caring for your child in my home your request to tour my home seriously crosses both. Thank you for the interview but I don't believe we will be a good match."

^^^ That is exactly what I would say to the parents. Seriously - why do people feel like they can totally cross personal boundaries with their household staff?

Because they have no clue how to be an employer, people get loopy when it comes to their kids, and they don't see it as a professional situation (they would freak out if their boss asked to see their home).

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beware of people with poor boundaries. Next they'll ask to see what color panties you're wearing. OP dodged a bullet here.

[Anonymous]

MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

She probably gives everything she has to your family during the day and has nothing left when she gets home. I clean after kids (and adults) all freaking day, I certainly don't want to do more when I get home. I'm very neat, but all of my cleaning happens on the weekends. I wouldn't judge the state of her home while she is recovering from a surgery as how she always lives.

[Anonymous]

Totally inappropriate and I would have walked out of the interview. That said, If my MB saw my apt she would probably pissed. They don't have a ton of money and she really wants to splurge on new furniture, which her husband won't agree to. I don't spend money on typical things women my age purchase like designer clothes, bags or cars. My weakness is furniture and kitchen accessories. My apt looks like an Ethan Allen catalog and my MB would shit herself if she ever saw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

She probably gives everything she has to your family during the day and has nothing left when she gets home. I clean after kids (and adults) all freaking day, I certainly don't want to do more when I get home. I'm very neat, but all of my cleaning happens on the weekends. I wouldn't judge the state of her home while she is recovering from a surgery as how she always lives.

This wasn't something that happened during her three day recovery from an outpatient procedure, or as the result of a temporary physical condition, or because she's too tired to clean. What I saw was a pathological accumulation of stuff. I am concerned for her, but it's none of my business - especially as it doesn't interfere with her ability to do her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

She probably gives everything she has to your family during the day and has nothing left when she gets home. I clean after kids (and adults) all freaking day, I certainly don't want to do more when I get home. I'm very neat, but all of my cleaning happens on the weekends. I wouldn't judge the state of her home while she is recovering from a surgery as how she always lives.

This wasn't something that happened during her three day recovery from an outpatient procedure, or as the result of a temporary physical condition, or because she's too tired to clean. What I saw was a pathological accumulation of stuff. I am concerned for her, but it's none of my business - especially as it doesn't interfere with her ability to do her job.

Seeing she's giving her all to your family for three years already, would it be possible to consider to pay for some kind of housekeeping? One person for 3 or 4 hours a week, or even one day a month? She's obliously overwhelmed with her personal conditions and needs some help. Ask her to pick a service. She'll probably be innitially embarassed, but incredibly appreciative of your generosity and thoughtfulness. Her recent surgery is a perfect opportunity for you to do this if you can possibly afford to help her. Her work performance for your children could only get even better, if anything. This has got to be a huge burden for her to be dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

She probably gives everything she has to your family during the day and has nothing left when she gets home. I clean after kids (and adults) all freaking day, I certainly don't want to do more when I get home. I'm very neat, but all of my cleaning happens on the weekends. I wouldn't judge the state of her home while she is recovering from a surgery as how she always lives.

This wasn't something that happened during her three day recovery from an outpatient procedure, or as the result of a temporary physical condition, or because she's too tired to clean. What I saw was a pathological accumulation of stuff. I am concerned for her, but it's none of my business - especially as it doesn't interfere with her ability to do her job.

Seeing she's giving her all to your family for three years already, would it be possible to consider to pay for some kind of housekeeping? One person for 3 or 4 hours a week, or even one day a month? She's obliously overwhelmed with her personal conditions and needs some help. Ask her to pick a service. She'll probably be innitially embarassed, but incredibly appreciative of your generosity and thoughtfulness. Her recent surgery is a perfect opportunity for you to do this if you can possibly afford to help her. Her work performance for your children could only get even better, if anything. This has got to be a huge burden for her to be dealing with.

I think the PP is saying it's not a cleanliness issue that a housekeeping service could fix. It sounds like a hoarding issue which is a psychological condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

She probably gives everything she has to your family during the day and has nothing left when she gets home. I clean after kids (and adults) all freaking day, I certainly don't want to do more when I get home. I'm very neat, but all of my cleaning happens on the weekends. I wouldn't judge the state of her home while she is recovering from a surgery as how she always lives.

This wasn't something that happened during her three day recovery from an outpatient procedure, or as the result of a temporary physical condition, or because she's too tired to clean. What I saw was a pathological accumulation of stuff. I am concerned for her, but it's none of my business - especially as it doesn't interfere with her ability to do her job.

Seeing she's giving her all to your family for three years already, would it be possible to consider to pay for some kind of housekeeping? One person for 3 or 4 hours a week, or even one day a month? She's obliously overwhelmed with her personal conditions and needs some help. Ask her to pick a service. She'll probably be innitially embarassed, but incredibly appreciative of your generosity and thoughtfulness. Her recent surgery is a perfect opportunity for you to do this if you can possibly afford to help her. Her work performance for your children could only get even better, if anything. This has got to be a huge burden for her to be dealing with.

I think the PP is saying it's not a cleanliness issue that a housekeeping service could fix. It sounds like a hoarding issue which is a psychological condition.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying - thanks. And I'm sorry that this has derailed OP's thread! Our situation w/ our nanny is complicated by our great affection for her but the desire to maintain some level of appropriate employer/employee boundaries. But that's all subject matter for another thread (and actually one I've sought advice here for previously).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here and this request is ridiculous. Unless you'll be providing care in your home there is no way that a prospective employer should ask this.

That being said, we recently had reason to visit our nanny (of three years) at her home while she was recuperating from surgery. I was shocked by the state of her living conditions. This is a woman who leaves my kitchen spotless at the end of the day, does a stellar job w/ my kids (including their laundry, most baths, etc...), and who I often clean up for in the morning or on Sunday night because I want to leave her workspace as clean as I leave my own.

She lives in conditions I can only describe as dangerously close to what I see on that show "Hoarding".

So how she lives does not correlate with how she does her job. Great. But if I had seen how she lived before I hired her I think it would have given me VERY serious concerns.

That's not really relevant at all to OP's post I know. (Sorry.) It's just been on my mind as this just happened a few weeks ago and I was so stunned.

But I would still never think it appropriate to ask of nanny candidates if I ever have to run another search.

She probably gives everything she has to your family during the day and has nothing left when she gets home. I clean after kids (and adults) all freaking day, I certainly don't want to do more when I get home. I'm very neat, but all of my cleaning happens on the weekends. I wouldn't judge the state of her home while she is recovering from a surgery as how she always lives.

This wasn't something that happened during her three day recovery from an outpatient procedure, or as the result of a temporary physical condition, or because she's too tired to clean. What I saw was a pathological accumulation of stuff. I am concerned for her, but it's none of my business - especially as it doesn't interfere with her ability to do her job.

Seeing she's giving her all to your family for three years already, would it be possible to consider to pay for some kind of housekeeping? One person for 3 or 4 hours a week, or even one day a month? She's obliously overwhelmed with her personal conditions and needs some help. Ask her to pick a service. She'll probably be innitially embarassed, but incredibly appreciative of your generosity and thoughtfulness. Her recent surgery is a perfect opportunity for you to do this if you can possibly afford to help her. Her work performance for your children could only get even better, if anything. This has got to be a huge burden for her to be dealing with.

I think the PP is saying it's not a cleanliness issue that a housekeeping service could fix. It sounds like a hoarding issue which is a psychological condition.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying - thanks. And I'm sorry that this has derailed OP's thread! Our situation w/ our nanny is complicated by our great affection for her but the desire to maintain some level of appropriate employer/employee boundaries. But that's all subject matter for another thread (and actually one I've sought advice here for previously).

Housekeeping would not solve her problem, but wouldn't it make a dent? Or did she say no thank you?

[Anonymous]

Seeing she's giving her all to your family for three years already, would it be possible to consider to pay for some kind of housekeeping? One person for 3 or 4 hours a week, or even one day a month? She's obliously overwhelmed with her personal conditions and needs some help. Ask her to pick a service. She'll probably be innitially embarassed, but incredibly appreciative of your generosity and thoughtfulness. Her recent surgery is a perfect opportunity for you to do this if you can possibly afford to help her. Her work performance for your children could only get even better, if anything. This has got to be a huge burden for her to be dealing with.

This is terrible advice. She is an adult and the employer should mind her own business out of respect for the nanny's personal boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Seeing she's giving her all to your family for three years already, would it be possible to consider to pay for some kind of housekeeping? One person for 3 or 4 hours a week, or even one day a month? She's obliously overwhelmed with her personal conditions and needs some help. Ask her to pick a service. She'll probably be innitially embarassed, but incredibly appreciative of your generosity and thoughtfulness. Her recent surgery is a perfect opportunity for you to do this if you can possibly afford to help her. Her work performance for your children could only get even better, if anything. This has got to be a huge burden for her to be dealing with.

This is terrible advice. She is an adult and the employer should mind her own business out of respect for the nanny's personal boundaries.

She's a great nanny with some apparent mental health issues. Offering help is completely respectful and caring.