Crossing the boundaries?

[Anonymous]

While I agree with everything you have said, I hope you have had a serious conversation with your nanny about your concerns before you replace her. She may think since she has been around so long that you consider "part of the family" to some extent and just loves your children fully. Its hard to get extremely attached to a child you have cared for mulitple years. Even the most experienced nanny can bond a little to much. SO please let her know because it is her job and if she loves the children she will change her behavior to stay with you. Plus loss of income would really motivate her to change.

I'm the poster you're responding to here. I agree with your thoughts. Our situation actually goes well beyond simply an over attachment to the kids. We have someone who is wanting to move in, hoping we'll help her with medical needs (and HUGELY over sharing about medical information), crying to us daily about her personal situations, etc... - on top of some over the top stuff with the kids. I actually have had more than one conversation with the nanny about boundary related issues, but we're now getting well beyond that. I was only including the part that was relevant to OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

That is crossing a line, yes. Stop texting them during off hours, pursue a hobby or spend time with friends family or by yourself. You can care about them but they are not yours and someday you still not be their nanny anymore so don't set yourself up for heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
While I agree with everything you have said, I hope you have had a serious conversation with your nanny about your concerns before you replace her. She may think since she has been around so long that you consider "part of the family" to some extent and just loves your children fully. Its hard to get extremely attached to a child you have cared for mulitple years. Even the most experienced nanny can bond a little to much. SO please let her know because it is her job and if she loves the children she will change her behavior to stay with you. Plus loss of income would really motivate her to change.

I'm the poster you're responding to here. I agree with your thoughts. Our situation actually goes well beyond simply an over attachment to the kids. We have someone who is wanting to move in, hoping we'll help her with medical needs (and HUGELY over sharing about medical information), crying to us daily about her personal situations, etc... - on top of some over the top stuff with the kids. I actually have had more than one conversation with the nanny about boundary related issues, but we're now getting well beyond that. I was only including the part that was relevant to OP's situation.


Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it all get resolved quickly

[Anonymous]

This post is so fake. A real nanny never feels this way, even if they are truly in love with the kids. At the end of the day, kids are still kids-exhausting.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you knew... even before you posted that things were a bit off. Like many others have said- this is not a healthy balance.
As an introvert myself I know how easy it is to get attached to the folks we see the most. However, beyond the fact that they are your employers- you are focusing tons of energy and time hanging out with children- outside of work hours. Also, not healthy.
What steps do you think you can take to scale back and restore a balance? Is this your first nanny family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I would not appreciate you not correcting the kids when they call you mom, but I'd let it slide if you were overall a great nanny. But would still bother me.

2. Texting constantly on the weekends to see what "your kids" are up to. Creepy. Maybe one text if there was something big going on but not constantly over mundane stuff

3. Coming over the house on your off days. Just weird. Don't you have friends and family to spend the holidays with?

4. Spending all your free time doing stuff for my kids. Again, don't you have a life outside of them?

Like I said, it isn't one of these things it is ALL of them together. It paints the picture that your entire life is wrapped up in kids who are not yours. Which is incredibly creepy from a bosses perspective. My nanny is very loving and sweet and great with the kids. But she has friends, a boyfriend, and a life outside of them. So her love for my children is normal and healthy. Having your entire life be about your charges is not normal and healthy and I'd seriously be worried about you doing something inappropriate.

They know they are getting a good deal. They know you're obsessed with their children so they can get away with cheap gifts, cheap childcare, and free gifts.

MB here: totally agree with the above. Once, when DD got a high fever on a Friday our nanny texted the next day to see how she was. I thanked her for caring, said DD was coming along and for her to enjoy her weekend and we'd see her Monday. She took the hint.

I haven't posted on this thread before and I do not think Op's behavior is normal nor healthy but I wanted to talk about this prior post by a MB. I hate to use names but you are a witch!!!! Your son was sick and your nanny probably just cared enough to worry if he had gotten any better. Hardly anything close to the stalkish behavior by OP (sorry Op). You did not need to feel like you needed to hint her. She probably didn't even take your answer as the "hint" you intended. She just wanted to know he was better and wasn't going to "bother" you anymore. You are too much MB, you are prob too self-centered and I sorry to break it to you but you are not the center of everyone's world! Puhhh-leeze!!

[Anonymous]

Lmao.. Creepy

[Anonymous]

I love the kids I've nannied for over the years. I miss the babies I care for now when I am with not them, and smother them with kisses when I am. That being said, you sound far too attached.

I have a few art projects kids have made for me on my fridge, photos in my phone, and one or two photos in the house (holiday cards).

Since I split my week between two families I really do miss the babies after a few days. Occasionally I will text, but it almost always is something along the lines of "I hope Sally cold is going away and she is feeling better!" or "How did Jimmy like the new music class you tried?" There is a difference between demonstrating that you love and care for your charge, and being unable to have a life outside of them.

In no way, ever is it ok for you to allow your charges to call you any form of mom. You are not their parent.

This obsession is not normal, and you seem a bit unhinged. This sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie.

[Anonymous]

You need help! Kidlet? I'd fire you for calling my childrem such a stupid name but mainly I'd fire you because you are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is so fake. A real nanny never feels this way, even if they are truly in love with the kids. At the end of the day, kids are still kids-exhausting.

You'd be surprised. I once knew an Au Pair that was just like this.

[Anonymous]

I think this is really unhealthy. For you, the kids and the parents. I have a nanny friend that is the same way. She started when the oldest was 15mths and the youngest was born a year later. She is way too attached. The kids are 5 and 7 now. They are all she talks about even outside of work. She will take them out at the wkend 'just because' she treats them like theyre hers. She used to work 4 11hr days and then one 5hr day. When the youngest started school the 5hr day was dropped. The child really struggled with the fact she now went from thurs night til monday with seeing the nanny(unless she came to take them out) and the nanny didnt help. She will never leave the job til the parents dont need her any more and i actually think she will become ill over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I would not appreciate you not correcting the kids when they call you mom, but I'd let it slide if you were overall a great nanny. But would still bother me.

2. Texting constantly on the weekends to see what "your kids" are up to. Creepy. Maybe one text if there was something big going on but not constantly over mundane stuff

3. Coming over the house on your off days. Just weird. Don't you have friends and family to spend the holidays with?

4. Spending all your free time doing stuff for my kids. Again, don't you have a life outside of them?

Like I said, it isn't one of these things it is ALL of them together. It paints the picture that your entire life is wrapped up in kids who are not yours. Which is incredibly creepy from a bosses perspective. My nanny is very loving and sweet and great with the kids. But she has friends, a boyfriend, and a life outside of them. So her love for my children is normal and healthy. Having your entire life be about your charges is not normal and healthy and I'd seriously be worried about you doing something inappropriate.

They know they are getting a good deal. They know you're obsessed with their children so they can get away with cheap gifts, cheap childcare, and free gifts.

MB here: totally agree with the above. Once, when DD got a high fever on a Friday our nanny texted the next day to see how she was. I thanked her for caring, said DD was coming along and for her to enjoy her weekend and we'd see her Monday. She took the hint.

I haven't posted on this thread before and I do not think Op's behavior is normal nor healthy but I wanted to talk about this prior post by a MB. I hate to use names but you are a witch!!!! Your son was sick and your nanny probably just cared enough to worry if he had gotten any better. Hardly anything close to the stalkish behavior by OP (sorry Op). You did not need to feel like you needed to hint her. She probably didn't even take your answer as the "hint" you intended. She just wanted to know he was better and wasn't going to "bother" you anymore. You are too much MB, you are prob too self-centered and I sorry to break it to you but you are not the center of everyone's world! Puhhh-leeze!!

ITA with you PP, I thought the same thing when I read that post. What the heck? "How dare my nanny actually care about my child's health and well-being?! *gasp*"