nanny still has not thanked me for a full weeks pay bonus

[Anonymous]

I think you're being petty sitting here and stewing over the money you lost. You did not give this gift with a generous heart. She said thank you when she received the gift. How much more ego stroking do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being petty sitting here and stewing over the money you lost. You did not give this gift with a generous heart. She said thank you when she received the gift. How much more ego stroking do you want?

This. She said thank you, she just didn't gush and fawn over you because of it. I'm not a hugely expressive person, and I hope that my bosses know that when I calmly say thank you once for a gift, that that thank you is meant. I'm not going to jump up and down, scream or giggle, say that you a million times. Its just not me. I also don't think there's any such thing as a "soft" thank you. She thanked you. Move on, or let her know that you only give gifts to people who fall on their knees with thanks for you and kiss your feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and she has only worked with us for half the year. She even called us that night and left both me and my husband a VM- reminding us of something she forgot to do, but no thank you. I did get a soft thank you when I gave her a bonus envelope (but she didn't open it).

I'm a little upset. Not that I care if she gushes over the amount of the bonus, but we really dug deep into our pockets and wanted to give her a generous gift. would you feel the same?

I don't love her. but she is good with my son and so am not rushing to replace her. I just have no chemistry at all with her.

She did thank you when you gave her the bonus--I wouldn't have expected her to open in in front of me and I wouldn't have expected a written thank-you or anything. It would have been nice if she had said something about the bonus being generous or something, but she might feel a little awkward talking about money like that.

[Anonymous]

She said thank you BEFORE opening the gift. It could have been an empty card for all she knew. If she opened in front of MB and said thank you then no need for more but if you simply take a gift and do not open it then you owe a thank you once you know what is inside it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said thank you BEFORE opening the gift. It could have been an empty card for all she knew. If she opened in front of MB and said thank you then no need for more but if you simply take a gift and do not open it then you owe a thank you once you know what is inside it.

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said thank you BEFORE opening the gift. It could have been an empty card for all she knew. If she opened in front of MB and said thank you then no need for more but if you simply take a gift and do not open it then you owe a thank you once you know what is inside it.

Totally agree.

MB here - I agree too. I would actually worry that maybe the money fell out of the card or something if it was not opened on the spot and there was not some acknowledgment of the gift after the fact. I have actually said something like "take care of it, your Christmas present is in there", with a smile and a laugh. If it is not opened on the spot then a thank you after the fact is in order, even if she did say thanks when handed the card. The best nannies we've had have always thanked us politely at some point, e.g. later that day or after the Christmas holidays. And we have always thanked them very specifically for anything they have given to the kids (and sometimes us too), as well as putting a message of gratitude in the card itself for the nanny's hard work during the year.

[Anonymous]

I think a thank you is a thank you. If she said "Thank you" when she received the envelope, she already meant she is appreciative of anything that is inside the envelope. Sure a reafirmation later on to MB would have been nice and I would have done it specially if it was a great bonus.

In my case I said thank you to my pt Mb the Friday before Christmas when she gave me a bonus that equaled 3 days pay. Then I went ahead to my "forced" days off (2 weeks!!) without pay so honestly, I didn't feel like I got a bonus, I just got screwed of a 3day week paycheck sooo I wasn't very "thankful" when I came back to work last week. Lol. (not saying op's nanny in same situation. Just wanted to share!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being petty sitting here and stewing over the money you lost. You did not give this gift with a generous heart. She said thank you when she received the gift. How much more ego stroking do you want?

This. She said thank you, she just didn't gush and fawn over you because of it. I'm not a hugely expressive person, and I hope that my bosses know that when I calmly say thank you once for a gift, that that thank you is meant. I'm not going to jump up and down, scream or giggle, say that you a million times. Its just not me. I also don't think there's any such thing as a "soft" thank you. She thanked you. Move on, or let her know that you only give gifts to people who fall on their knees with thanks for you and kiss your feet.

I am not very expressive in person either. Haven't been the kind to jump up and down with excitement in many many years. But, i still own a pen and paper/stationary in addition to a computer and smartphone, all of which are capable of of communicating gratitude. I worked for my family a little over two months for three days a week and they gave me two and a half days pay. Of course I am going to acknowledge that! One line by email and a longer note on paper. It's not that hard and goes a long way in building goodwill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being petty sitting here and stewing over the money you lost. You did not give this gift with a generous heart. She said thank you when she received the gift. How much more ego stroking do you want?

This. She said thank you, she just didn't gush and fawn over you because of it. I'm not a hugely expressive person, and I hope that my bosses know that when I calmly say thank you once for a gift, that that thank you is meant. I'm not going to jump up and down, scream or giggle, say that you a million times. Its just not me. I also don't think there's any such thing as a "soft" thank you. She thanked you. Move on, or let her know that you only give gifts to people who fall on their knees with thanks for you and kiss your feet.

I am not very expressive in person either. Haven't been the kind to jump up and down with excitement in many many years. But, i still own a pen and paper/stationary in addition to a computer and smartphone, all of which are capable of of communicating gratitude. I worked for my family a little over two months for three days a week and they gave me two and a half days pay. Of course I am going to acknowledge that! One line by email and a longer note on paper. It's not that hard and goes a long way in building goodwill.

I'm sorry I just don't think thank you notes for Christmas gifts, ie. an occasion where we are exchanging gifts, its not one sided, warrant a thank you note. I gave a verbal thank you when I recieved my gift, as did they when I gave them their gifts. The end. MBs that get bonuses, do you write a thank you note for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't open cards or gifts in front of the giver, unless they want me to (my mum's ways I guess), and then I thank them. All my former bosses know I was appreciative of any gifts...heck, I was always, giving their kids stuff.

Are you not from America? In the U.S. it is considered proper to open in front of the person who gave you the gift. The idea behind it is that people like to see the reaction to the gifts they give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're being petty sitting here and stewing over the money you lost. You did not give this gift with a generous heart. She said thank you when she received the gift. How much more ego stroking do you want?

This. She said thank you, she just didn't gush and fawn over you because of it. I'm not a hugely expressive person, and I hope that my bosses know that when I calmly say thank you once for a gift, that that thank you is meant. I'm not going to jump up and down, scream or giggle, say that you a million times. Its just not me. I also don't think there's any such thing as a "soft" thank you. She thanked you. Move on, or let her know that you only give gifts to people who fall on their knees with thanks for you and kiss your feet.

I am not very expressive in person either. Haven't been the kind to jump up and down with excitement in many many years. But, i still own a pen and paper/stationary in addition to a computer and smartphone, all of which are capable of of communicating gratitude. I worked for my family a little over two months for three days a week and they gave me two and a half days pay. Of course I am going to acknowledge that! One line by email and a longer note on paper. It's not that hard and goes a long way in building goodwill.

I'm sorry I just don't think thank you notes for Christmas gifts, ie. an occasion where we are exchanging gifts, its not one sided, warrant a thank you note. I gave a verbal thank you when I recieved my gift, as did they when I gave them their gifts. The end. MBs that get bonuses, do you write a thank you note for it?

Did you not read OPs post? She didn't open the check in front of her. That's what we're talking about...not gifts that were opened in front of each other. Even then etiquette states a note should be written but most people would give a pass for it. We're talking about a sum of money that OP gave her in a card that was not opened in front of her.

[Anonymous]

Ditto above. And to the question of whether I thank my work for my bonus - I thank my boss who I know busts his butt to get me good bonuses. If it is a great one then I also thank our president who makes the decisions. BUT it is also very very different because it is not like either of those people get more money if I get a lower bonus. There is a pool each year and it is up to them how to divy it up. The higher ups get their amts and then so on. It is not coming out of someone else's pocket when they give it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't open cards or gifts in front of the giver, unless they want me to (my mum's ways I guess), and then I thank them. All my former bosses know I was appreciative of any gifts...heck, I was always, giving their kids stuff.

Are you not from America? In the U.S. it is considered proper to open in front of the person who gave you the gift. The idea behind it is that people like to see the reaction to the gifts they give.

Umm I'm American and have never heard of this. It seems a little grabby to hurry up and see what you got right away. Saying thank you and putting the envelope away for later is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for everyone's responses. I think I was just surprised she didn't acknowledge the money. Im not looking for anyone to "gush" etc., but when she left me a VM that night on another subject, she could have acknowledged that we gave her a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't open cards or gifts in front of the giver, unless they want me to (my mum's ways I guess), and then I thank them. All my former bosses know I was appreciative of any gifts...heck, I was always, giving their kids stuff.

Are you not from America? In the U.S. it is considered proper to open in front of the person who gave you the gift. The idea behind it is that people like to see the reaction to the gifts they give.

Not true. It varies so much from person to person. Go read some birthday party threads in general parenting -- lots of people wait to open their kid's gifts until after guests leave.