micromanaging mb!!

[Anonymous]

I worked for a micromanaging mom for years. I feel your head exploding...move on..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that would be frustrating but she's probably not trying to undermine you, maybe she wants to feel like she's a part of what goes on when she's away at work. I don't think your attitude is necessary though. The "you told me 3 times already" line is pretty unprofessional and immature. It's normal to have to put up with crap from bosses but its not usual for employees to cop an attitude without getting fired.

I agree that its risky for OP to have said that, but you don't seriously think the double standard is okay, do you? Nannies take all kinds of attitude from our bosses for whatever reason, we put up with a lot of annoying behavior for whatever reason, and there is a level of informality and familiarity to our relationship with our bosses, that inevitably if you piss your nanny off you are bound to get some of it right back. Its just human nature. And depending on how OP phrases it, I don't think reminding an employer that you've said something three times, and that you've got it under control is out of line. Would you rather your nanny speak up about something you're doing that might push her to quit, or would you rather she quit seemingly out of the blue, without even the opportunity to fix things?

You contradicted yourself there.

Btw, bosses who remind aren't giving attitude but saying, in a frustrated tone like OP said, that she was already told 3 times is definitely attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that would be frustrating but she's probably not trying to undermine you, maybe she wants to feel like she's a part of what goes on when she's away at work. I don't think your attitude is necessary though. The "you told me 3 times already" line is pretty unprofessional and immature. It's normal to have to put up with crap from bosses but its not usual for employees to cop an attitude without getting fired.

I agree that its risky for OP to have said that, but you don't seriously think the double standard is okay, do you? Nannies take all kinds of attitude from our bosses for whatever reason, we put up with a lot of annoying behavior for whatever reason, and there is a level of informality and familiarity to our relationship with our bosses, that inevitably if you piss your nanny off you are bound to get some of it right back. Its just human nature. And depending on how OP phrases it, I don't think reminding an employer that you've said something three times, and that you've got it under control is out of line. Would you rather your nanny speak up about something you're doing that might push her to quit, or would you rather she quit seemingly out of the blue, without even the opportunity to fix things?

You contradicted yourself there.

Btw, bosses who remind aren't giving attitude but saying, in a frustrated tone like OP said, that she was already told 3 times is definitely attitude.

I did not contradict myself. Pissing your boss off IS risky, in that you could lose your job. That is not contradicted by the fact that politely reminding your boss that they've said something 3 times and you've got it, is not in fact a crime. Sometimes people don't realize how asinine they're being. And as far as "attitude" I didn't mean just the situation in this thread, I mean nannies are an easy scapegoat when our bosses are stressed, tired, or feeling particularly froggy. I've had bosses get snippy with me for absolutely no reason. If a boss makes a habit of taking out their frustrations and generally being a pain in the ass to their employees, eventually said employee will snap back. Especially in such a personal and informal setting. Like I said, its simply human nature. Is it smart? No. But I get that it happens, and you bet some bosses deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that would be frustrating but she's probably not trying to undermine you, maybe she wants to feel like she's a part of what goes on when she's away at work. I don't think your attitude is necessary though. The "you told me 3 times already" line is pretty unprofessional and immature. It's normal to have to put up with crap from bosses but its not usual for employees to cop an attitude without getting fired.

I agree that its risky for OP to have said that, but you don't seriously think the double standard is okay, do you? Nannies take all kinds of attitude from our bosses for whatever reason, we put up with a lot of annoying behavior for whatever reason, and there is a level of informality and familiarity to our relationship with our bosses, that inevitably if you piss your nanny off you are bound to get some of it right back. Its just human nature. And depending on how OP phrases it, I don't think reminding an employer that you've said something three times, and that you've got it under control is out of line. Would you rather your nanny speak up about something you're doing that might push her to quit, or would you rather she quit seemingly out of the blue, without even the opportunity to fix things?

I agree, never talk back to your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how that would be frustrating but she's probably not trying to undermine you, maybe she wants to feel like she's a part of what goes on when she's away at work. I don't think your attitude is necessary though. The "you told me 3 times already" line is pretty unprofessional and immature. It's normal to have to put up with crap from bosses but its not usual for employees to cop an attitude without getting fired.

I agree that its risky for OP to have said that, but you don't seriously think the double standard is okay, do you? Nannies take all kinds of attitude from our bosses for whatever reason, we put up with a lot of annoying behavior for whatever reason, and there is a level of informality and familiarity to our relationship with our bosses, that inevitably if you piss your nanny off you are bound to get some of it right back. Its just human nature. And depending on how OP phrases it, I don't think reminding an employer that you've said something three times, and that you've got it under control is out of line. Would you rather your nanny speak up about something you're doing that might push her to quit, or would you rather she quit seemingly out of the blue, without even the opportunity to fix things?

I agree, never talk back to your boss.

...especially if she's your mommy!

[Anonymous]

There is no way to say "you told me three times already" in response to something your boss says that won't come off like attitude.

A professional way to approach this would be to schedule a sit-down at some neutral time (not indicator after another reminder occurs) and say "MB, I've noticed that you remind me frequently of things we've gone over many times. It makes me feel like you don't trust me. Can you please help me understanding the reason behind your regular reminders?" Have an adult conversation about it if possible.

Or perhaps instead - "oh yes, I remember we talked about that yesterday. I hope I was able to follow your instructions - was there something I could have done differently?

But also, particularly if you have concluded that it's just her personality, why take it so personally? It's not meant as any reflection on you if it's just her nature. "Ok, thanks!" Over and over and let it go.

And finally, I'm not saying this is the case with you, but with our one au pair who was really not performing well, I did find myself micromanaging because the few times I didn't up front, she was truly awful. So for me personally, I micromanage when I don't trust my caretaker's common sense and engagement on the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to say "you told me three times already" in response to something your boss says that won't come off like attitude.

A professional way to approach this would be to schedule a sit-down at some neutral time (not indicator after another reminder occurs) and say "MB, I've noticed that you remind me frequently of things we've gone over many times. It makes me feel like you don't trust me. Can you please help me understanding the reason behind your regular reminders?" Have an adult conversation about it if possible.

Or perhaps instead - "oh yes, I remember we talked about that yesterday. I hope I was able to follow your instructions - was there something I could have done differently?

But also, particularly if you have concluded that it's just her personality, why take it so personally? It's not meant as any reflection on you if it's just her nature. "Ok, thanks!" Over and over and let it go.

And finally, I'm not saying this is the case with you, but with our one au pair who was really not performing well, I did find myself micromanaging because the few times I didn't up front, she was truly awful. So for me personally, I micromanage when I don't trust my caretaker's common sense and engagement on the job.

More than one mom has taken your approach to employing an inept sitter, and then they act all surprised when tragedy strikes, as if there was no warning. Please.

[Anonymous]

When you don't "trust" your sitter's "common sense", you had best get another one. Your micromanaging does nothing to protect your child, for God's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you don't "trust" your sitter's "common sense", you had best get another one. Your micromanaging does nothing to protect your child, for God's sake.

We did. Thanks! But we did first really try to see if she could improve. Don't you think that's more fair than just firing her on the spot at our first suspicion? During that period, I micromanaged more and more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to say "you told me three times already" in response to something your boss says that won't come off like attitude.

A professional way to approach this would be to schedule a sit-down at some neutral time (not indicator after another reminder occurs) and say "MB, I've noticed that you remind me frequently of things we've gone over many times. It makes me feel like you don't trust me. Can you please help me understanding the reason behind your regular reminders?" Have an adult conversation about it if possible.

Or perhaps instead - "oh yes, I remember we talked about that yesterday. I hope I was able to follow your instructions - was there something I could have done differently?

But also, particularly if you have concluded that it's just her personality, why take it so personally? It's not meant as any reflection on you if it's just her nature. "Ok, thanks!" Over and over and let it go.

And finally, I'm not saying this is the case with you, but with our one au pair who was really not performing well, I did find myself micromanaging because the few times I didn't up front, she was truly awful. So for me personally, I micromanage when I don't trust my caretaker's common sense and engagement on the job.

More than one mom has taken your approach to employing an inept sitter, and then they act all surprised when tragedy strikes, as if there was no warning. Please.

I don't understand this comment. What would you suggest to the OP?

[Anonymous]

My first boss was like that. In fact, she purposely hired newbie nannies so that she could micromanage and control them more. It did drive me nuts but I could handle it then much better than I could now.
I just learnt to agree. With her it wasn't the fact she thought you didn't know that she said the stuff, she just felt like she had some control by saying it. Like she had all the input. I learnt to just say ok etc. I worked for her for a year and then left.