Dishes in the Sink- WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the future I might tell MB that you feel uncomfortable leaving the dishes in the sink. Ask her to talk to DB about what her expectations for you are. That way she can tell DB it isn't your job to wash his dishes. He needs to.

This is the best reply by far. She needs to talk to him about it, so that you are not put in the middle, even jokingly. My other thought is that you need to make a decision and tell yourself "I have nothing to feel awkward about, I am simply doing my job and doing what Mb has specifically asked of me." Then put it out of your mind. (Doing this helps me to stop dwelling on things.) And if DB says anything, just say "Oh yes, MB asked me not to do them," and then go on to talk about whatever you normally would. Treat it as a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Crappy place to be since MB was explicit. Maybe do half? Leave just the pan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the future I might tell MB that you feel uncomfortable leaving the dishes in the sink. Ask her to talk to DB about what her expectations for you are. That way she can tell DB it isn't your job to wash his dishes. He needs to.

This is the best reply by far. She needs to talk to him about it, so that you are not put in the middle, even jokingly. My other thought is that you need to make a decision and tell yourself "I have nothing to feel awkward about, I am simply doing my job and doing what Mb has specifically asked of me." Then put it out of your mind. (Doing this helps me to stop dwelling on things.) And if DB says anything, just say "Oh yes, MB asked me not to do them," and then go on to talk about whatever you normally would. Treat it as a non-issue.

OP here. Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond, and the above pieces of advice were particularly helpful.

I already caved and did the dishes.

However, next time a situation like this comes up, and I'm sure it will in the near future, I'll follow the above advice.

Thanks again everyone!

[Anonymous]

Have her tell him that he needs to do the dishes and that the nanny is not to do them.

She is being passive towards him but putting you in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the future I might tell MB that you feel uncomfortable leaving the dishes in the sink. Ask her to talk to DB about what her expectations for you are. That way she can tell DB it isn't your job to wash his dishes. He needs to.

This is the best reply by far. She needs to talk to him about it, so that you are not put in the middle, even jokingly. My other thought is that you need to make a decision and tell yourself "I have nothing to feel awkward about, I am simply doing my job and doing what Mb has specifically asked of me." Then put it out of your mind. (Doing this helps me to stop dwelling on things.) And if DB says anything, just say "Oh yes, MB asked me not to do them," and then go on to talk about whatever you normally would. Treat it as a non-issue.

MB here and I agree whole-heartedly w/ both of these posters. It's crummy of the MB (and DB) to be putting you in this position - it sounds like a passive/aggressive dynamic between them and you should not have to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I would more than likely take care of the dishes. My reason being is that it is hard for me as a nanny to sit around and do nothing.

I am very high energy and I like to be efficient.
In fact, doing dishes is not in my job contract as well, but if I have some down time on my job, I cannot stand to see dirty dishes in the kitchen sink so I just do them. It makes me feel so much better and I am sure the parents feel the same way coming home from work.

Anyway, it is not YOUR job to train the hubby...Leave that dirty job up to his wife. That is what wives are for. Lol.

[Anonymous]

I would do them. I don't want to sit around and no nothing. I don't want to get in the middle of their petty life challenges. And mainly because I can not stand a dirty kitchen. I'm not going to work around someone else's mess. I'd just clean it and move on. I feel pretty strongly that if I see something that needs to be done that I will do it without regard for it being in my contract or being *my job*.
MB and DB can figure their dirty dishes out on their own time and I will have a clean kitchen.

[Anonymous]

When I nannied I started by doing dishes/extras. But then for this one family those dishes/extras became a part of the daily expectations (and some days I just couldn't do them which then reflected badly on me in their eyes. The amount of dishes left also became larger and larger).

So from then on I set clear boundaries and didn't do extras. As soon as you set the expectation that you will do them, some people will take advantage.

[Anonymous]

MB told you not to do the dishes so DON'T do them. I don't understand why this has to be so complicated. Who cares if DB will get mad at you. wtf cares?!

[Anonymous]

This happens to me everyday I just do them bc I have nothing better to do when the baby is sleeping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me everyday I just do them bc I have nothing better to do when the baby is sleeping

MB tells you not to do dbs dishes everyday? I find that hard to believe..

[Anonymous]

In the future, leave them. That's what MB wanted you to do. It would only fill a few minutes of your time, anyway.

Talk with MB and let her know it makes you uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I nannied I started by doing dishes/extras. But then for this one family those dishes/extras became a part of the daily expectations (and some days I just couldn't do them which then reflected badly on me in their eyes. The amount of dishes left also became larger and larger).

So from then on I set clear boundaries and didn't do extras. As soon as you set the expectation that you will do them, some people will take advantage.

I walked in this morning to a sink full of dishes from the weekend. I've been asked previously to load or unload if have time while baby naps, but really, leaving me the weekend dishes??

[Anonymous]

I leave pots and pan. Every time.

[Anonymous]

What did MB have to say when she found out you did the dishes?

I don't understand why you did them. They are not your responsibility. MB acknowledged that they are not your responsibility and specifically requested that you do not wash then. If I were MB I would be annoyed.