Our nanny just quit, without notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have quit as well!

Helpful. Really helpful

Piss off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a troll. She contradicted and repeated herself multiple times. I have a feeling the notoriously long winded story telling troll is back. Shoo!

+1 I'm surprised so many are feeding this bored troll. I swear, I'm not one to call troll on every post but notice how OP is inviting insults. Definitely a faker looking for reaction.

[Anonymous]

You guys are idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get attacked, but please just focus on the ones that are constructive.

That sucks that you were dumped without notice, completely agree. You do have to acknowledge, however, that her job completely changed from what she had originally accepted. It sounds like the job became a poor match for her. So it sucks, but let that one go and focus on being a better employer for your next nanny.

You do not have to be less engaged and there certainly are successful WAH parent/nanny relationships, but I can completely see how a nanny, who is trying her best to form a connection with a child, would become very very frustrated if every time a 14mo fussed, mom would run out of the office and cuddle with her. If you want it to work, you need to stop that. It doesn't mean you're not engaged, it means that you hired someone you trust to take the best care of your child and you need to let that person be the one to handle your fussing child during your work hours.

Even a 14mo who has the best mother ever is going to fuss sometimes. In fact, don't you want her to fuss sometimes? What if she wants to pour a box of Cheerios on the floor, your nanny says no, and she starts pouting and throwing a tantrum. In that case, she needs to be left to pout. You have to trust that when you hear pouting or crying, it's not always that your nanny is ignoring your child or mistreating her. It could be completely legitimate. Again, you need to find someone you trust and let her work.

I also think you need to rethink your restriction on keeping your child home. I agree that a 14mo doesn't need to be out of the house all day, every day, but why can't they be out every morning at the playground or library or where ever? A 14mo would probably be happy going new places with her happy nanny and everyone wins. Am I reading your correctly that two out of four days a week your nanny and child are inside all day? Doing what? Can you clarify the reason for this restriction?

OP, let's have a productive discussion about this and hopefully you can get to a place where you can feel good about how engaged you are and also have a nanny feel trusted and able to do their job.

As someone who was a nanny for a WAHM for 4 years, I think this is an excellent post. The relationship between a WAHM and a nanny is a delicate one. I hope you can find helpful suggestions from others.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. This board has really gotten awful. Trolls or no trolls, there are too many nasty, ugly posts and responses. The trolls also make it a waste of time, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get attacked, but please just focus on the ones that are constructive.

That sucks that you were dumped without notice, completely agree. You do have to acknowledge, however, that her job completely changed from what she had originally accepted. It sounds like the job became a poor match for her. So it sucks, but let that one go and focus on being a better employer for your next nanny.

You do not have to be less engaged and there certainly are successful WAH parent/nanny relationships, but I can completely see how a nanny, who is trying her best to form a connection with a child, would become very very frustrated if every time a 14mo fussed, mom would run out of the office and cuddle with her. If you want it to work, you need to stop that. It doesn't mean you're not engaged, it means that you hired someone you trust to take the best care of your child and you need to let that person be the one to handle your fussing child during your work hours.

Even a 14mo who has the best mother ever is going to fuss sometimes. In fact, don't you want her to fuss sometimes? What if she wants to pour a box of Cheerios on the floor, your nanny says no, and she starts pouting and throwing a tantrum. In that case, she needs to be left to pout. You have to trust that when you hear pouting or crying, it's not always that your nanny is ignoring your child or mistreating her. It could be completely legitimate. Again, you need to find someone you trust and let her work.

I also think you need to rethink your restriction on keeping your child home. I agree that a 14mo doesn't need to be out of the house all day, every day, but why can't they be out every morning at the playground or library or where ever? A 14mo would probably be happy going new places with her happy nanny and everyone wins. Am I reading your correctly that two out of four days a week your nanny and child are inside all day? Doing what? Can you clarify the reason for this restriction?

OP, let's have a productive discussion about this and hopefully you can get to a place where you can feel good about how engaged you are and also have a nanny feel trusted and able to do their job.

As someone who was a nanny for a WAHM for 4 years, I think this is an excellent post. The relationship between a WAHM and a nanny is a delicate one. I hope you can find helpful suggestions from others.

19:39, could you please offer up some thoughts and specifics on why you feel your situation worked, where as most others, don't? Something beyond the 'we respected each other', even though that's certainly part of the equation. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

in my personal experience, nannying with at at home parent is about twice as difficult.

[Anonymous]

I have to say "Don't do it!!" I have had many jobs where I have worked w/parents who telecommute and it is always a nightmare. I have burned many bridges in my career in doing this and I refuse to do it again. The dynamic sucks so bad.

When you work alongside a parent in the home, you are constantly being monitored. Your every move, word, even how often you use the john will be scrutinized. Children act waay different when they know a parent is in the home and you will have the added stress of having to keep the child quiet and out of the parent's way so they can get some work done. The parent will interfere even though they say they won't. You will be instructed how to cut the veggies the correct shape, how warm the milk must be, etc. Until you go absolutely crazy!!!!!

Working a job where the parents are gone is so much better....you get the chance to have complete autonomy as well as keep your sanity.

[Anonymous]

The only "at home parents" I have or would ever work for is parents I know well because I've babysat for them or nannied for them while they were away and get a good feel of their general personality and what they expect of childcare. If it works well, it is GREAT, as in, I know beforehand they will not micromanage me or expect a bunch of extras or hell, even care if I watch TV while they're working in their office and their child is asleep. If I'm not sure of this, I probably wouldn't take it. If I was still considering it for some reason, I'd be really upfront with them and pose questions like, "Would you mind if I napped for 45 minutes while your infant slept as well?" or "What would you think if I watched TV while the baby was taking a nap?" I make sure to let them know that kid time is kid time, but if they have an infant that is sleeping then being "childcare only" means that kid sleeping time is my free time even if I am on the clock. In short, I wouldn't do it. I hate being watched by a parent (and they watch), unless I know they are the sort of parents that don't. A big hint is whether or not they let their kids watch TV. There are four parents I would ever agree to work for while they work from home and NONE of them are anti-TV. The parents who are all uppity and have weird rules about only organic food and soy milk and not listening to the news in the car while I drive their 11 month old to music class, I run fast from. These are typically parents with 3-4 kids. Sorry my post is really rambling and scattered, these are just consistent patterns I've noticed. In general I could not be happy working 40 hours a week for an at-home parent. I tried this twice and I quit after 1-2 weeks from both becuase the parents would micromanage me and I felt tense as if whenever I sat down the parent resented paying me for my time.

[Anonymous]

This is probably not what parents want to hear or believe but the bottom line is that being a Nanny at a home where the parents work from home all day is very anxiety provoking and uncomfortable situation for a Nanny to say the least. People may think that a Nanny who isn't comfortable working with the parents around all day is "trying to hide something" but that is not the case it all- I find that it has little to do with trying to hide any behavior from the parents and everything to do with feeling as though you are being monitored and micromanaged- which for Anyone- in any job setting, professional or otherwise is just not performance enhancing. No one likes a boss that hovers- it makes employees nervous- not to mention the fact that the Nanny isn't there to be hypervigilant about her job all day- and working around a parent is exactly that. When I did this I found it deteriorated the relationship I had between the parents- mainly because I was on display for them and needed to be "on" all the time, which is nerve wrecking and takes the professionalism out of the relationship. Having to make "small talk" with parents at the end of the working day is one thing- having to play "friends" with them day-in and day out of the entire week is just plain ridiculous- not to mention that to keep things professional you should keep what you have to say about yourself to a parent at least because it will most likely be used against you- to a bare minimum. Of course most parents will only bother you a few times a day to "check in," but in truth they are noticing and keeping tabs on everything you do and are most likely judging you along the way. Who the hell wants to work like that? Especially for what many of these jobs are paying- usually between $10 and $15 an hour, if that- it's definitely not enough money to keep someone around dealing with that amount of mental stress all week. And then people wonder why their Nannies quit after 6 months when the "promised" a year. Well, lets count the reason....

[Anonymous]

This forum shocks me with how dumb some of you can be. This is a TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is probably not what parents want to hear or believe but the bottom line is that being a Nanny at a home where the parents work from home all day is very anxiety provoking and uncomfortable situation for a Nanny to say the least. People may think that a Nanny who isn't comfortable working with the parents around all day is "trying to hide something" but that is not the case it all- I find that it has little to do with trying to hide any behavior from the parents and everything to do with feeling as though you are being monitored and micromanaged- which for Anyone- in any job setting, professional or otherwise is just not performance enhancing. No one likes a boss that hovers- it makes employees nervous- not to mention the fact that the Nanny isn't there to be hypervigilant about her job all day- and working around a parent is exactly that. When I did this I found it deteriorated the relationship I had between the parents- mainly because I was on display for them and needed to be "on" all the time, which is nerve wrecking and takes the professionalism out of the relationship. Having to make "small talk" with parents at the end of the working day is one thing- having to play "friends" with them day-in and day out of the entire week is just plain ridiculous- not to mention that to keep things professional you should keep what you have to say about yourself to a parent at least because it will most likely be used against you- to a bare minimum. Of course most parents will only bother you a few times a day to "check in," but in truth they are noticing and keeping tabs on everything you do and are most likely judging you along the way. Who the hell wants to work like that? Especially for what many of these jobs are paying- usually between $10 and $15 an hour, if that- it's definitely not enough money to keep someone around dealing with that amount of mental stress all week. And then people wonder why their Nannies quit after 6 months when the "promised" a year. Well, lets count the reason....

+1
nailed it!

[Anonymous]

I have had jobs where the parents work from home and it has never worked out for me. They say at the beginning they will be working in an office but eventually they are hovering. It is hard to be in charge of the kids when they go ask the parent after you have said no to them and the parent says yes. Then the parents want you to have control when they are not around but the children do not have respect for you when this happens all the time. For me, it just does not work. I won't do it again!

[Anonymous]

OP, your situation is quite unique and it will take a very unique nanny to be able to work with you in this situation.

Regarding your old nanny. She didn't originally sign up for a job with a WAHP...when you changed the agreement, she tried her best it seemed to "go w/the flow." However, it is always a very dicey situation, a recipe for disaster when a nanny has to works alongside a parent in the home. Most of the times these situations fail for the exact reasons you stated. Parents want their cake and they want to eat it too. You wanted to work at home so you could be near your baby and have access to your child anytime YOU wanted to. That is so unfair to your nanny OP. When a child knows the parent is in the home, she acts completely different around her caregiver and it makes the caregiver's job much harder. Tenfold. Also, from what you described, it sounds like you didn't respect the boundaries that should have been already drawn between you and your nanny. You overstepped them often and that eventually chased away a good nanny. It is absolutely crazy that you only allowed an outing 2x a week. How absurd. A 14 mos. old can benefit from a daily outing...and it would help your nanny have more autonomy as well. Perhaps your nanny would have stuck around if you wouldn't have set so many rules. Anyway, it is all water under the bridge now. Your nanny is gone and she won't be coming back. Honestly, considering how you treated her, I am not surprised she didn't provide any notice. She probably couldn't take another day being micromanaged by you OP. No offense.

It will not be easy finding a nanny who will work alongside a parent who telecommutes, but it isn't impossible.
I have a few suggestions for you however.
For the next nanny, I highly recommend you concentrate more on your work and less on your child. If you cannot do that, then I suggest you either quit your job or cut your hours since it wouldn't seem like you have it in you to be a working mother since you cannot balance your child with your work obligations.

Also, allow your nanny 100% autonomy. Let her take your child on daily outings.
It's good for your child to get out and about every day and it is also good for your nanny to get out of the house and get some fresh air and interaction with others.

Try not to step on her toes and tell her what to do and what not to do, etc.
Let her do her JOB.

After all, that is what you are paying her to do, right?

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum shocks me with how dumb some of you can be. This is a TROLL

We are going to start reporting you if you keep trying to shut down this conversation. You keep coming back here because you know it's for real, and you just don't like it. Enough of you already.