Au pair taking her charge shopping while on duty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But wouldn't you take your own child shopping if you needed something? I get that APs are "on the clock," but it seems silly to reprimand her for occasionally doing something you would do, too.

I think it's fairly obvious that it's different. Even if an au pair works the maximum amount of time she can work that day (10 hours), she can still do her personal shopping before or after her on duty time. Or on her days off. A parent doesn't have this off time, so it follows that he or she might by necessity have to do errands with the kids. Childcare is also the au pair's JOB. With any job, you are supposed to be mostly focused on the duties of the job. Occasional personal things (short phone calls, running to CVs, etc) are understandable during your work hours. Anything beyond that, particularly if it becomes frequent, is cause for "discipline."

[Anonymous]

I'm a host mom who tries to be reasonable, and I don't think this is okay. I know our AP has taken our DS (about yours age) to CVS to pick up shampoo, but I find that different b/c they walk there and really, how long can you spend at CVS?

I say this assuming it was part of her regular hours taht she did this. On the other hand, if you asked her last minute to change her schedule and she did this, I'd say I may think differently.

I would just address it proactively and as positively as possible - hey, not a big deal for this time, but it's generally not okay to drag our kid on your errands like shopping, but if you find a situation where you need to do it please let us know.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. This is the OP. She has set hours that don't change week to week. They are the same scheduled during the school year and then the same schedule for the summer. Yes, the shopping excursion was during her regularly scheduled day. She was off from 4pm on the evening before too so I'm not sure why she couldn't have gone shopping then.

[Anonymous]

I think I would go to the Au PAir with what my child said.
Along with a reminder of the fact that during working hours her primary job is caring for your son, and that means looking for activities he likes, not dragging him along to what she feels like doing.

One question -- does she have a car just for on duty? That might explain the behavior. Not an excuse, but you might (later) broach the topic of letting her use the car occasionally on her off time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would go to the Au PAir with what my child said.
Along with a reminder of the fact that during working hours her primary job is caring for your son, and that means looking for activities he likes, not dragging him along to what she feels like doing.

One question -- does she have a car just for on duty? That might explain the behavior. Not an excuse, but you might (later) broach the topic of letting her use the car occasionally on her off time.

Thanks, PP. She does share my car, but she uses it a few times a week in the evenings and I've never said no when she's asked for it. She actually did have it the night before this shopping trip to go on a social event. She could have gone then.

[Anonymous]

How can an au pair go shopping? With what money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can an au pair go shopping? With what money?

With the $800 she has a month to spend since she has expenses. We provide her with housing, food, phone, use of a car and car insurance, she gets health insurance through the agency fees we paid, we paid $500 for her education fee...

[Anonymous]

*Has NO expenses

[Anonymous]

So how much actual spending money does she have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how much actual spending money does she have?

$800 a month for regular APs, $1000 a month for extraordinaires.

[Anonymous]

I dont see a problem with it.

It was hot today, maybe she just thought it would be something they could do.
She only went in 2 stores and she took him to the play area as well.

Now if you asked her what they did today and she outright lied that would be a problem. But from what it sounds like she was probably just trying to do something different. Maybe she is bored of the zoo/park/museum rotation that au pairs are supposed to do every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But wouldn't you take your own child shopping if you needed something? I get that APs are "on the clock," but it seems silly to reprimand her for occasionally doing something you would do, too.

I disagree. I sometimes have to do multiple things when I am taking care of my children that I can't get done at other times because I am working full time during the rest of the week. That's how life works. I can't, e.g., go shopping for a party dress when I'm supposed to be at the office. So sometimes my child needs to accompany me on a Saturday when I shop for a party dress. But my AP can shop for her party dress on Saturday the same as I can - i.e. during her non-work hours. So I expect that she does her job during work hours, and does her personal errands on her time off, regardless of whether I might have to take my child on the very same personal errand during "my time." (This isn't to say that I categorically don't approve of my AP taking my child on all personal errands; in many cases I'm just fine with it. I just disagree with your logic and sentiment. Another example: I do not want our APs and nannies sitting the kids in front of the TV during their work hours, except in limited circumstances, i.e. a child is sick and cranky, the AP is having a particularly difficult day with cranky kids and absolutely can't get dinner prepared without it, etc. However, I, unfortunately, have to sit my kids in front of the TV during "my hours" more often than I'd like because it helps me get the rest of my life accomplished in a more orderly fashion, e.g. getting dressed in the morning unmolested. But my AP can get dressed in the morning before she starts "work," and doesn't have the same need to use the TV as a babysitter as I do.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But wouldn't you take your own child shopping if you needed something? I get that APs are "on the clock," but it seems silly to reprimand her for occasionally doing something you would do, too.

I disagree. I sometimes have to do multiple things when I am taking care of my children that I can't get done at other times because I am working full time during the rest of the week. That's how life works. I can't, e.g., go shopping for a party dress when I'm supposed to be at the office. So sometimes my child needs to accompany me on a Saturday when I shop for a party dress. But my AP can shop for her party dress on Saturday the same as I can - i.e. during her non-work hours. So I expect that she does her job during work hours, and does her personal errands on her time off, regardless of whether I might have to take my child on the very same personal errand during "my time." (This isn't to say that I categorically don't approve of my AP taking my child on all personal errands; in many cases I'm just fine with it. I just disagree with your logic and sentiment. Another example: I do not want our APs and nannies sitting the kids in front of the TV during their work hours, except in limited circumstances, i.e. a child is sick and cranky, the AP is having a particularly difficult day with cranky kids and absolutely can't get dinner prepared without it, etc. However, I, unfortunately, have to sit my kids in front of the TV during "my hours" more often than I'd like because it helps me get the rest of my life accomplished in a more orderly fashion, e.g. getting dressed in the morning unmolested. But my AP can get dressed in the morning before she starts "work," and doesn't have the same need to use the TV as a babysitter as I do.)

+1000

[Anonymous]

Bingo to 16:50 - yes! We had one au pair who would show up to work in her pajamas and start eating breakfast. I watched for three days, then pointed out she needs to be ready to work when her hours starts. If she is able to eat when my DCs are eating, then she can do so. But if DCs finish and need to continue on with their get ready for school routine, then AP can't expect to linger over her meal, then go put on her own clothes. I am a pretty easy HM, yet we go into rematch if AP is not able to follow the basic daily routine to keep everyone on schedule in the least frenetic manner possible.

That same AP would drink Snapple, etc in front of kids, which they are not allowed to drink. She got the boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bingo to 16:50 - yes! We had one au pair who would show up to work in her pajamas and start eating breakfast. I watched for three days, then pointed out she needs to be ready to work when her hours starts. If she is able to eat when my DCs are eating, then she can do so. But if DCs finish and need to continue on with their get ready for school routine, then AP can't expect to linger over her meal, then go put on her own clothes. I am a pretty easy HM, yet we go into rematch if AP is not able to follow the basic daily routine to keep everyone on schedule in the least frenetic manner possible.

That same AP would drink Snapple, etc in front of kids, which they are not allowed to drink. She got the boot.

Well I don't quite understand the Snapple thing (sounds like you had other issues going on there and this was one of many?), I completely agree that au pairs need to show up ready to work, but also that host parents need to make that clear if that's what they want. Our au pair does this too now and it does bug me - she wakes up literally a minute before she's supposed to start work and comes up at her start time barely awake. Then after I leave, she gets dressed and hangs out in her room until she has to wake the kids, and then after she wakes the kids, she'll make them breakfast and eat with them (continuing her own breakfast after they are done), then pack their lunches, etc, and then she's always frantically rushing them out the door the last five minutes and gets a little irritated with them for not hurrying (I work from home, so I'm upstairs in the office hearing all this). We're almost done with our year, and this has been going on so long I haven't said anything. She has been our least successful au pair by far. A few times the kids have woken up early or I've already fed them for some reason, and she'll still eat breakfast and get herself ready when they're awake.

For our next one, I'm going to make it clear that at her start time, she needs to be upstairs alert and ready to go. That she needs to use her time before she wakes up the kids making breakfast and packing lunches rather than getting dressed and lounging in her room for the 30 extra minutes. Then she can actually focus on the kids and getting out the door promptly after they are awake.