Am I crazy for being concerned about nanny being OVER attentive?

[Anonymous]

OP here again.

I meant a total of 15-30 minutes throughout the day. So it could be 5-10 mins here or there. Or if she's playing well for a while, up to 15 mins at a time. And yes, I meant supervised nearby, not just take off somewhere else! Our house's main floor is pretty small and all open, with the kitchen, Dining room, and living room all connected. We also have little play areas (play kitchen/easel/play table) set up in every room. So you could easily put dishes away, have a snack/drink at the dining table, or read a book on the sofa, while LO plays.

I'd be happy if she would simply sit next to her and just watch her quietly for 5 minutes now and then, without feeling the need to constantly intervene and coach her. Don't get me wrong, I love that she does encourage and coach her, she is an amazing and patient teacher. But I think for 5 mins out of an hour, LO can play with her toys on her own.

You raise a good point that she might be misinterpreting me though, and its probably worth it to explain more explicitly with her.

All that said, maybe it's enough that LO gets some free play time when she is with me and my husband. While I am with her, it's real life, I've got to prepare meals, get dressed, tidy up, do laundry, run the house. I try to make sure we have some quality focused time together every day, but the majority is spent juggling responsibilities. Mostly she plays well on her own, like when I prep dinner in the evenings. Weekends are tougher and I do what I have to do to get things done around the house- like have her be "my helper", strap her on my back in a carrier, or give her 15 minutes on the iPad or video time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I can't speak for OP, but at 18 months, independent play is more akin to just not having the nanny sit with and interact with the child at every second ( though I can leave my 10 month old charge alone in the playroom while I am in the kitchen- which is adjacent- without incident). I think the main concern in op's situation is that her LO is having no independence fostered, and her nanny isn't even willing to leave her alone long enough to make lunch/go to the bathroom/have coffee...

Yes. (OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think we have the same nanny! I face these exact same challenges and deciding which battles to pick is a regular issue for me.

Mostly I think you should try to let it go. 18 mths is a time of huge transition for kids but very soon your daughter will be testing limits (physical, behavioral, etc...) and may well need a fairly constant level of oversight just to keep her off the table tops or from leaving the house, or whatever. She'll also start developing more independence, and working on things like puzzles (that can by nature be more individual activities). So I think some of that will regulate itself. Also, if you're at all concerned about language development (not that I think you need to be given what you've described) then the solution to that is a lot of focussed one on one time - so maybe you could channel your nanny's natural inclinations to over-attentiveness in a way that at least addresses another concern you might have. Ask her to devote a chunk of time every day to language development work (whatever you choose). If you like, you could also find ipad apps (or something like that) that support what the nanny is doing, but also are solo game play type things (thereby encouraging a little more independence). We have alphabet apps that our twins play with and they love it (and it buys me 5 or 10 minutes.)

Anyway, overall I think you're right to carefully pick your battles. My nanny is the same way - I often wish she'd just let them fend for themselves a bit more, play independently (and let's not even discuss allowing them to cry at naptime!) etc... But I trust her completely, know that my kids are surrounded by genuine loving care all the time, she'd jump in front of a car for them, etc... I wouldn't trade that for the day to day differences that I figure won't matter at all in a couple of years.

Good luck. I regularly am amazed at how hard the nanny/mother relationship is - even when all parties are great, happy, supportive, etc...

Not only do we have the same nanny, we seem to think alike as well. At the end of the day, I'd gladly choose someone who's over attentive and doting, rather than someone who is neglectful and negligent.

[Anonymous]

Eeekkk~~~

This is why I cannot stand working for parents who work in the home.

I would much rather walk on broken glass barefoot. Ten times over and over again.