Do you pay for/provide your AP with toiletries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the concept is that they live in your home, as a member of the family, and in exchange they provide very low-cost childcare. When you go on vacation, you are supposed to take them, as this is part of their cultural exchange to see the U.S. So if you provide them with food, why not toothpaste, shampoo, etc? Aren't you going to provide that to your teenagers when they need it?

Well it's not "very low-cost childcare" for one. And you're not "supposed" to take them on vacation when you go - you certainly can, and many host families do. But many also don't. It is a "cultural exchange" program, but that doesn't mean that you as the host family are required as part of this to take them to "see the U.S." So you've got all that wrong.

You provide them with "meals with the family" not all food. I assume the food thing is because it would be very strange to have someone living in your house and not invite them to eat any of your food - what would you do, keep a separate fridge or something? Similar to toilet paper - it's a family-use item. Host parents provide shared use items in the household. But toothpaste and shampoo is very different - they are personal use items. Only the au pair would use her shampoo. It's not a shared family item.

And I don't think an au pair is comparable to your own teenager. For one, they are not teenagers - they are 18 to 26 and despite the close relationship they have with the family, it is still an employer/employee relationship. The au pair is working and makes $800 in pure spending cash as the host family is covering all of her other expenses. If she wants to spend that on expensive shampoo, she can go right ahead. And you'd better believe that when my kid is 20 and working, I will not be buying her toothpaste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the concept is that they live in your home, as a member of the family, and in exchange they provide very low-cost childcare. When you go on vacation, you are supposed to take them, as this is part of their cultural exchange to see the U.S. So if you provide them with food, why not toothpaste, shampoo, etc? Aren't you going to provide that to your teenagers when they need it?

I'll be buying my teenager clothing too - should I be purchasing my au pair's clothing? Hair products? Make-up? What if she uses shampoo that's $25 a bottle? Where does it end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the concept is that they live in your home, as a member of the family, and in exchange they provide very low-cost childcare. When you go on vacation, you are supposed to take them, as this is part of their cultural exchange to see the U.S. So if you provide them with food, why not toothpaste, shampoo, etc? Aren't you going to provide that to your teenagers when they need it?

A family can certainly do this if they want to be extra-generous (and if the AP would not be embarrassed by requesting, e.g., the brand of tampons that she likes, etc.). But the logic doesn't really work. Do you think host families are also meant to provide, e.g., a wardrobe for the AP, since they would probably purchase clothes for their teenagers as well?

Nor does the analogy to vacations apply; a family is not "supposed" to take their AP on vacations. The family might DECIDE to take the AP on vacations either as part of the AP's job (so it's not really a vacation for the AP, since she'd be working), or for a non-working treat. Many families do not travel with their APs, often because it is cost-prohibitive to purchase an extra plane ticket, get an extra hotel room, perhaps get another rental car if there isn't room for the whole family + AP, if the "vacation" will be at a relative's home and there isn't enough space for the AP to have her own room, etc. Also - many APs do not prefer to spend their vacation time with the host families. If it is not a working vacation, the AP often would rather use that vacation time to travel on her own or with friend. (Kind of off-topic, but the poster brought it up.)

Anyway - there are certain things that the host family is required to provide for the AP: room and board. Beyond that, host families can certainly provide anything else, and many do. But most host families I know do not provide toiletries for the AP on an ongoing basis - and this does not seem to be expected by APs, or the norm.

[Anonymous]

We actually do offer to pay for anything that keeps the AP clean (ie toothpaste, shampoo, soap, deodorant, etc) but specify that she must pay for anything that she uses to make her beautiful (ie make-up, legwax, expensive potions and lotions, etc). We developed this distinction because of an AP who took my credit card to buy herself toiletries and came home w a $50 Brazilian legwaxing kit. Interestingly, our last two APs have not taken us up on our offer to buy their toiletries, as they have been more private (both are young Germans). The older brazilians had no issue with telling me what brand of shampoo or tampons they wanted, and I got them at Costco or cvs. After one very smelly AP who hardly ever showered, I do specify in our handbook that we expect the ap to be neat and clean, so since it's, for lack of a better word, "job requirement" that she be clean, I figure I should pay for the items that help her be clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We actually do offer to pay for anything that keeps the AP clean (ie toothpaste, shampoo, soap, deodorant, etc) but specify that she must pay for anything that she uses to make her beautiful (ie make-up, legwax, expensive potions and lotions, etc). We developed this distinction because of an AP who took my credit card to buy herself toiletries and came home w a $50 Brazilian legwaxing kit. Interestingly, our last two APs have not taken us up on our offer to buy their toiletries, as they have been more private (both are young Germans). The older brazilians had no issue with telling me what brand of shampoo or tampons they wanted, and I got them at Costco or cvs. After one very smelly AP who hardly ever showered, I do specify in our handbook that we expect the ap to be neat and clean, so since it's, for lack of a better word, "job requirement" that she be clean, I figure I should pay for the items that help her be clean.

This is really just too funny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We actually do offer to pay for anything that keeps the AP clean (ie toothpaste, shampoo, soap, deodorant, etc) but specify that she must pay for anything that she uses to make her beautiful (ie make-up, legwax, expensive potions and lotions, etc). We developed this distinction because of an AP who took my credit card to buy herself toiletries and came home w a $50 Brazilian legwaxing kit. Interestingly, our last two APs have not taken us up on our offer to buy their toiletries, as they have been more private (both are young Germans). The older brazilians had no issue with telling me what brand of shampoo or tampons they wanted, and I got them at Costco or cvs. After one very smelly AP who hardly ever showered, I do specify in our handbook that we expect the ap to be neat and clean, so since it's, for lack of a better word, "job requirement" that she be clean, I figure I should pay for the items that help her be clean.

My job requires that I am clean also! I work in an office. It is also required that I dress business casual; by your logic I guess my company should be paying for my toiletries and my clothing!

[Anonymous]

Most adults have jobs that assume your personal hygiene.

Aren't most au pairs coming to your house straight out of their parents' house? So they haven't even lived on their own? Like college kids, who often have a huge sense of entitlement, without much responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most adults have jobs that assume your personal hygiene.

Aren't most au pairs coming to your house straight out of their parents' house? So they haven't even lived on their own? Like college kids, who often have a huge sense of entitlement, without much responsibility.

I don't get what this comment has to do with anything. So if you haven't lived on your own before you can't be expected to purchase your own basic toiletries? Sorry, I'm just missing your point. I'm a long-time host mom and never has it occurred to me to buy toiletries for my au pairs, and none of them have even mentioned it. It just seems very personal to me. Sounds like some host parents buy their au pairs toiletries and others don't. I guess another thing to put in your handbook before matching.

[Anonymous]

An Aupair isn't just an 'employee', she suppose to be 'part of the family'. Theres a reason why Aupairs get horrible wages and thats because room/board/food/etc are supposed to be provided. It would be cheap on your part to not atleast offer toiletries. I'm not saying go out and buy her brands but atleast offer and if she prefers her own then she can go out and buy it herself. Oh well, she's probably getting her "moneys worth" behind your back in more ways then you no lmao.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An Aupair isn't just an 'employee', she suppose to be 'part of the family'. Theres a reason why Aupairs get horrible wages and thats because room/board/food/etc are supposed to be provided. It would be cheap on your part to not atleast offer toiletries. I'm not saying go out and buy her brands but atleast offer and if she prefers her own then she can go out and buy it herself. Oh well, she's probably getting her "moneys worth" behind your back in more ways then you no lmao.

Whatever PP. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't. We have extras that our au pairs are welcome to use on arrival, or when they run out - same as other short-term guests. But then they generally purchase the products that they like to use (and some bring products from their home countries that they prefer, and have their parents send them more!).

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An Aupair isn't just an 'employee', she suppose to be 'part of the family'. Theres a reason why Aupairs get horrible wages and thats because room/board/food/etc are supposed to be provided. It would be cheap on your part to not atleast offer toiletries. I'm not saying go out and buy her brands but atleast offer and if she prefers her own then she can go out and buy it herself. Oh well, she's probably getting her "moneys worth" behind your back in more ways then you no lmao.

Whatever PP. Whatever.

+1 whatever. Freak

[Anonymous]

The vast majority of APs are really great. But, like anything, there are a few spoiled ones in the bunch. I've only had one AP try to stick us with toiletries charges. This AP nickeled and dimed us at every turn. Very unfortunate for her as I gave her only a fraction of what we give to APs as a departing gift. What she got in nickel and diming was inconsequential to what she could've gotten at the end of her stay. But she was never able to see the big picture. The oldest AP we've ever had and the least mature of any of them.

[Anonymous]

Because the concept is that they live in your home, as a member of the family, and in exchange they provide very low-cost childcare. When you go on vacation, you are supposed to take them, as this is part of their cultural exchange to see the U.S. So if you provide them with food, why not toothpaste, shampoo, etc? Aren't you going to provide that to your teenagers when they need it?


A family can certainly do this if they want to be extra-generous (and if the AP would not be embarrassed by requesting, e.g., the brand of tampons that she likes, etc.). But the logic doesn't really work. Do you think host families are also meant to provide, e.g., a wardrobe for the AP, since they would probably purchase clothes for their teenagers as well?

Nor does the analogy to vacations apply; a family is not "supposed" to take their AP on vacations. The family might DECIDE to take the AP on vacations either as part of the AP's job (so it's not really a vacation for the AP, since she'd be working), or for a non-working treat. Many families do not travel with their APs, often because it is cost-prohibitive to purchase an extra plane ticket, get an extra hotel room, perhaps get another rental car if there isn't room for the whole family + AP, if the "vacation" will be at a relative's home and there isn't enough space for the AP to have her own room, etc. Also - many APs do not prefer to spend their vacation time with the host families. If it is not a working vacation, the AP often would rather use that vacation time to travel on her own or with friend. (Kind of off-topic, but the poster brought it up.)

Anyway - there are certain things that the host family is required to provide for the AP: room and board. Beyond that, host families can certainly provide anything else, and many do. But most host families I know do not provide toiletries for the AP on an ongoing basis - and this does not seem to be expected by APs, or the norm.

+1