Advice on how to address issues with MB/DB

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I totally know how you feel. I have been a nanny for 15 years and am working now for a family like yours, for the first time. All my other families were more communicative and considerate. My family now does the same thing....they never say "how are you?" or "how was your weekend?" or anything. I barely get a "hi" when I come in. Also, no "thank you" or the like when I do extra tasks to help out, etc. They really don't communicate much about the children either. I have to make the communication happen if there is something to talk about. Except for reviews, I would never know they are happy with my work. Even then, I have to ask them, and they say "yes", but don't really elaborate or give me constructive feedback. I must say I have never really gotten used to the way they are.

My advice: Don't say anything about the party at all. In the review, go ahead and say nicely that you aren't sure if they are happy with your work, ask if they are, reassure them that you like constructive feedback and would want to know if they want anything done differently. Then listen to what they say and respond appropriately. Then accept how they are. They will not change. Mine have not. It is who they are. You can schedule a regular "check in" once per week or something, to have time to cover things you need to talk about. Otherwise, that's that. Take it from me, I have tried to affect change with mine and it just caused me so much more frustration. I feel your pain, OP. In retrospect, I wish I had left the job long ago. I just need a bit more communication. Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

I am the pp above. I also wanted to say that even though they agreed to the communicative type of relationship when they hired you, that means nothing. They probably don't even realize how un-communicative they really are. Or they just agreed to whatever to get you hired. Mine talked a good talk in the interview also, but turned out to be completely different. Some people are good salespeople, wooing you in the beginning. Or like I said, they don't even realize how they are.

Also, I didn't hear a "thank you" from MB at all, any way, for 2 years. DB said it maybe twice in those first 2 years.